


Does It Come As A Surprise?

by JustFolieADeuxIt



Category: T@gged (Web Series), T@gged fandom, T@gged show, t@gged
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Blood, Browan - Freeform, Comfort, Drug Abuse, F/F, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Sex, Violence, brevor - Freeform, implied sex, t@gged - Freeform, tagged hulu, tagged series, tagged show, trandon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-01-04 16:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 50,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18347630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustFolieADeuxIt/pseuds/JustFolieADeuxIt
Summary: *Takes place after Season 3*After The Zoo, Trevor had been sober. But problem upon problem piled up and he went back to his old ways. His heart belonged to Brandon but Brandon was now dating Rowan. But Brandon wasn't the only one with eyes for Rowan.How do you save people who are broken? How do you fall in love without knowing what love is even supposed to feel like? And how do you know when a friendship crosses over into love?"I'm thinking 'bout that first night, couldn't keep my hands off youOut drinking on the rooftop, faded like your old black jeansWe said we knew forever, now it's just a memoryAll washed out, all washed out"





	1. Here I Go Again, I'm Dizzy

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is going to be a bit short, because honestly I'm not sure how many people are on here looking for FF about T@gged. But, hey, if you like this, if you leave a comment, I'm going to keep writing it. Because, let's face it.. We are ALL impatient waiting for a Season 4 confirmation.
> 
> (Lyrics in Summary are 'All Washed Out' by the band Dreamers)

It was one in the morning when Rowan was snapped out of her dreams. She rolled over, under her covers and listened. She heard the front door opening and closing a bit too loudly for what time it was.

_Trevor._

She sat up and rubbed at her eyes, still listening and wondering if the noise had woken her mom or his dad.

It was still weird sometimes. The fact that his dad had moved in with her mom. The fact that they had gotten engaged. The fact that that her and Trevor were now 'Step-siblings'.

She got out of bed and crept to her door, opening it quietly and peeking into the black abyss of the hallway. She could hear Trevor fumbling around in the kitchen and she drew in a slow breath, wondering if she should attempt to approach him.

Trevor had been clean for a whole five months. But five months was all it took before he spiraled out of control again. It had started with the stress of taking pre-college tests, filling out applications and trying to figure out what he even wanted to do in life. The nightmares he began having after the whole 'Zoo' fiasco, kept him from ever getting a decent amount of sleep, which did not help his grades or his mood.

Rowan had gotten lost in thought when he suddenly came walking down the hall towards his room.

He saw her and stopped, his eyes meeting hers. She had this look on her face and he couldn't quite tell if it was sadness, concern, anger or just all three at once.

She shook her head when she realized her assumptions were correct. He was definitely drunk. She could see it on his face, in his eyes and the way he swayed slightly as he stood there. She sighed and backed up from the doorway, heading back to her bed and turning the light off.

Trevor stood there in the hall for a minute, debating on if he should talk to her just go to bed. He was pretty drunk but not totally wasted. He figured he could form a pretty coherent sentence or two. He sighed and walked over to her door, tapping on it sloppily before just walking in. She was curled up in bed, facing the wall.

 _"Row.."_ He whispered.

She ignored him, not wanting to deal with him when he had been drinking. He wasn't a violent drunk, but he usually didn't make sense and could be a bit annoying. A part of her  _did_ want to at least ask if he wanted to talk about what was bothering him so bad to make him start drinking again, ask him why he was doing all of this again. But at this point, she felt so close to giving up on getting him sober again.

Trevor waited a few moments, but when she didn't say anything, he just walked over to the bed and laid down beside her, his back facing hers. He knew she was mad and technically she had every right to be. He was kind of being the 'problem' in the family lately. He usually told Rowan everything, but there was one thing that he just couldn't bring himself to talk to her about. He didn't think she would understand. So, instead he just let it fester inside himself. He let his heart ache, he abused his body and he tried so hard to just stay numb. Feeling nothing made it better than feeling the pain and longing to be loved by someone who didn't look at him in the way he wanted.

Rowan had gotten together with Brandon shortly after the 'Zoo' stuff had been over and done with. Brandon was always happy around her, always smiling and laughing, cracking jokes and shit. It was the same with her. Rowan had never felt so alive. Being with Brandon was one of the best decisions she had ever made. It had been a daring decision, but Brandon had promised her she would never regret it and she hadn't yet.

 _"I'm sorry, Rowan.."_  Trevor whispered.

 _"You always are."_ She replied flatly.

Trevor bit his lip, tears burning in his tired eyes. The words hurt worse than they should have. He knew she was getting fed up. She wasn't the only one either. Her mom was always questioning him about where he went late at night and his dad was always threatening to send him off to boarding school for his Senior year. He tried to just will himself to tell her everything right then. He recited the words in his head over and over, but never said them. Instead, he just laid there, silent tears falling down his face. He curled up and let his heavy eyelids close, knowing he would feel better if he just slept.

Now, this was a usual thing for him. Ever since the nightmares had started, he would head into her room and sleep there. She never minded. That's what siblings were for: Protection, guidance, support and most importantly, love. But, the more he came home drunk, the more fed up she got with him.

She didn't kick him out. She didn't yell at him. She just laid there and ignored him, trying to fall back asleep.

If she had turned over, if she had seen he was crying, she would have tried to talk to him. She would have attempted to find another dose of sympathy for him. But she didn't. She just went to sleep, hoping that tomorrow would be a different day.


	2. I Hear Your Voice In Flashbacks, You Act Like It Never Happened

The next morning, when Rowan woke up and rolled over, she found the bed empty. She sighed and laid there for a bit, thankful it was Saturday. She was not in the mood to deal with School. She decided to find Sean and see if he knew anything about Trevor's recent behavior.

She got out of bed and made her way into the bathroom. She stopped and blinked when she found Trevor, half asleep, draped over the edge of the tub.

".. Trevor?"

She closed the door behind her, not wanting his dad to find out he had been drinking again, then walked over and knelt down beside him.

"Trev'.. Hey.." She placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him gently.

He opened his eyes and blinked a few times, looking at her.

"You can't tell my dad I was drinking again, Rowan, please.. He'll be so mad.." 

".. I won't. Are you okay?"

He shrugged, closing his eyes again.

"I'm just hungover.. I'm fine.. Nothing I haven't been through before.. I've dealt with worse."

He then pushed himself up off the floor, his head pounding from the motion. He headed out of the bathroom and went to his room to lay down.

\----  
After Rowan had gotten ready, she poked her head into Trevor's room to check on him. He was asleep, so she closed the door quietly and then headed out of the house.

She texted Sean as she walked down the block, asking him where he was.

"I'm at TG." He replied.

"Okay, I'm on my way. Need 2 talk to U." 

She sent the text and then headed to The Grotto. She didn't enjoy going there too often as it did have a lot of bad memories.

When she arrived, Sean looked up from the ledge he was sitting on.

"Ah, she arrives." He called out to her.

The Grotto was super empty and quiet, which was unusual for it being after-school hours. It was nice though, not hearing a bunch of chatter and skateboards slapping the concrete.

"I gotta' talk to you about Trevor." She said, sitting beside him. 

Sean nodded. "What's up?" He asked, leaning back on his hands.

".. Do you know what's going on with him? He's getting.. Really bad.. He's come home drunk every night this week.. He won't talk to anyone about it. Not even me.. And Trevor tells me everything.. Or.. He used to."

Sean kinda stared off, listening to her and knowing he was going to have to just tell her.

"Yeah, I know.. He's been real fucking moody, too." Sean said. 

"I'm worried about him." She said quietly, looking at her hands.

Sean looked at her and then frowned. He could tell this was really bothering her and he knew how much she cared about him, so he just decided to go for it and tell her.

".. Okay, look.. You can't tell him that I told you this.. But.."

Rowan's eyes darted to him and she blinked.

".. What? Tell me what?"

Sean looked away from her and went back to staring forward, out into the open empty space below the ledge they were on.

".. Haven't you ever noticed it?" He asked quietly.

"Noticed what? Stop talking in riddles."

".. The way he looks at Brandon."

"What are you talking about?"

".. Trevor likes Brandon.. Maybe even loves him. The year before last.. They spent a night together. I don't know all the details, but I heard it was pretty intense." He told her.

Rowan just stared at him.

".. I guess he's fucking terrified that he'll like.. Ruin things if you find out. Think about it.. He has you to lose as a friend and a sister.. And Brandon to lose as a best friend. So.. I get it.. I'd be numbing myself, too."

".. Brandon's never mentioned any of this."

Sean laughed. "Does Brandon seem like the kind of guy to openly admit he had sex with his best friend?"

"Did they really have sex?"

"I don't know, maybe.. From how Trevor talked about 'that night', it sounded like it."

"What do I do? Should I bring it up?"

"Fuck no. He'll know you heard it from me."

"I'll tell him that Brandon told me." She said.

"Trevor knows that Brandon wouldn't say shit."

"Well, I have to do something.. He's going off the deep end and I'm scared he's going to wind up getting really hurt. When he goes out, I'm scared that he isn't going to make it back home.. Sean.. I have to talk to him about this." She breathed.

Sean sighed, but shrugged.

"Yeah, okay.. Do what you gotta' do. I'm worried as well. I guess I just didn't realize how bad it was. He always pretends that everything is fine."

"Yeah, he's stubborn about stuff like that."

Rowan's phone then lit up, having received a text from Brandon. She picked it up and scanned her eyes over the text quickly.

"Can you come over around 7-ish?" 

Rowan figured she would talk to Trevor and then head over to Brandon's, so she texted him back, letting him know she would be there. She then stood and looked at Sean.

"Thank you for telling me."

"Yeah.. Just make sure he gets sober, okay?"

She nodded. 

"I will.. I'll see you around." She said, then headed back home.

Trevor was already gone and he'd left his phone on the kitchen counter, so she had no way of getting in contact with him. She groaned quietly and went to her room, deciding to just read or work on the book report that was due next week to make the time go by.

She couldn't help but wonder why Brandon wanted her over at a certain time and she debated on asking him, but decided to just let it be a surprise.


	3. All Alone Is Lonely

When Rowan got to Brandon's house later that night, she was surprised to find the house mostly dark, apart from some dim lighting coming from the kitchen.

"Brandon?"

He stepped into view and grinned at her.

"Come here."

"Okay."

She raised her eyebrows and headed into the kitchen. The table was set up with nice plates and silverware and there was food. Real food. Not the usual junk that her and Brandon would usually snack on while they were together. This was an actual meal and there was candles.

"Oh my God, you can cook?" She joked.

"Well-.. I mean.. I guess. I got the recipe off of Google."

She giggled as he pulled her chair out.

"This is nice.. You're so sweet."

He shrugged.

"I just thought it would be nice to do something a little romantic for you."

"Well, this certainly is a lot more romantic than the time we went and had pizza at that arcade."

"Hey, you said you liked the pizza there." He laughed.

"I do. And you know I loved that date." She smirked.

After they ate, they stayed at the table for awhile, just talking about things. They went over stuff about school, their families and they even talked about taking a road trip together in the Summer.

Rowan wanted to go to California but Brandon wanted to go to New York.

"We can do both." She smiled.

"Okay. I like that idea." He agreed.

He then stood up and headed into the livingroom. He turned on the stereo and found some overly dramatic love song.

"Are you gonna' dance with me?" He called.

She walked in and leaned against the doorframe.

"Can you dance?" She snorted.

"Ouch. Bruise my ego." He joked.

"I mean.. Come on. It's not like I've ever seen you dance before, you fool."

"Well, come find out."

She shrugged and went over to him, taking his hand that he offered out to her and allowing him to pull her closer. She blushed as their hips bumped against each other, then looked up at him.

He smiled softly as he placed his other hand on her back.

She allowed him to lead her around the living room, feeling surprised at how good he actually was at dancing. She laid her head on his shoulder, moving her thumb up and down the side of his arm softly as they slowly moved side to side.

"You're a good dancer." She admitted.

"Ha.. Thanks. You'll never guess who taught me."

"Who?"

"Sean."

"What? No fucking way." She laughed, throwing her head back.

She had to grab onto his shoulders to keep herself from falling backward as she laughed.

"You're joking!"

"I'm not! I swear. He's really good at dancing and like a million other things. He's actually kind of a fucking genius."

"Wow.. Who knew? That's incredible, really."

"You should see him knit."

"He can knit, too?" She asked, eyes widening in amazement.

"No. I'm just fucking with you. He can't knit worth a dogs dick." Brandon laughed.

\----  
Trevor had been at a party for most of the day but hadn't really enjoyed it. All he could think about what how worried Rowan was about him and he knew if he didn't say something, he was just going to get worse and he didn't want to get worse. He didn't want her to see him get worse and he sure as hell didn't want to burden her with his bad habits.

He decided he would go to Brandon's, warn him that he was going to tell Rowan everything, then go home and just spill the news to her. How bad could it actually be? It's not like he planned to try and steal Brandon away from her. He would never do that to her.

He walked the few blocks to Brandon's house, feeling pretty nervous about how he would react. He was heading up the driveway when he noticed the blinds to the livingroom were open. He then saw them and he froze.

He watched as they danced in what felt like slow motion to him. He noticed the way he kept a hand on her back and the way he didn't take his eyes off of her. He clenched his jaw as he watched Brandon place a hand on her chin, tilting her face up so she was looking back at him. She grinned happily as he placed a kiss on her forehead and Trevor nearly lost his shit.

He turned and walked towards the wall that seperated Brandon's house from the neighbours. He leaned against it and closed his eyes, balling his fists up in the pockets of his hoodie. It hurt more than he could even explain. It hurt to see how happy Brandon was with someone that wasn't him. And it wasn't just anyone. It just had to be his fucking sister.

It was then he decided that Brandon didn't even deserve a fucking forewarning. He decided he would just tell Rowan everything without even mentioning it to Brandon. 

He started to walk back home. His chest  
felt like it was on fire and he hated the way his eyes burned. He wanted to cry but at the same time he wanted to scream. He also kinda' wanted to punch Brandon in the fucking face for causing him so much agony.

He got back to the house and blinked. It was then he realized that he was alone. His dad was out of town on a business trip and Rowan's mom was Downtown visiting a friend. The lonliness hit him hard on top of the pain he already felt. He thought about texting Elisia or Sean, but he didn't want to bother them. He didn't want to bother anyone. He just wanted to close his eyes and wish himself into the corn field like that episode the The Twilight Zone.

He sank onto the couch and stared at his hands. He decided he would just wait for Rowan to get home and then tell her everything. At this point, he didn't care if she would be mad. He just wanted to get it off of his chest. He wanted the feeling to stop swallowing him up.

Rowan got home about 45 minutes later and made a noise of shock when she entered the house and saw a figure sitting in the dark. She quickly slapped the light switch, making the room light up.

"Jesus, Trevor.. Who the hell sits in the dark like that? Thanks for the Zoo flashbacks." She breathed, placing a hand on her chest and laughing slightly.

He looked at her.

"I need to tell you something.."

She blinked, not really liking the tone of his voice. It felt so hollow.

"Okay.."

She walked over to the couch and sat down beside him, setting her bag on the floor. Now that she was close enough to him, she could tell he was nervous. He was pulling at a loose string on the hem of his shirt and his eyes stayed focused on it as he chewed at his bottom lip.

"Trevor.. What is it?" She asked, hating the silence.

His eyes snapped up to her and he blinked. Tears started forming and he tried hard to blink them away. His eyes were so blood shot. He was exhausted and he just wanted this huge mess to be over with.

She frowned and took his hands.

"You used to tell me everything, Trevor. Anytime something was wrong, you would come to me and tell me. Whether it was about school or a friend or if you were having an issue with your dad.. You always told me.. Then, something changed and.. You've become distant, you started drinking again and you just.. You always seem so sad." She breathed.

"I know.." He admitted, his voice cracking.

He looked down at their hands, wondering if this was the last time he would ever have a sister to bond with. If she'd turn him away or tell him she hated him for loving Brandon. He squeezed his eyes shut, unable to stop himself from crying now.

"I'm sorry." He said quickly. "You're going to hate me.. But I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want you to know the truth. I want you to know why I've been this way. I love him, Rowan. I love Brandon. I love him so much and it fucking hurts because he doesn't love me. He loves you and I want you to be happy.. And.. I-.. I want Brandon to be happy too, of course.. But what about me? Why can't I be fucking happy? Does he not want me happy? I just want to be happy." He cried.

He pulled his hands away from hers, placing them on his chest. He hated this. He hated the way it felt so hard to breathe when he cried. He hated the way his stomach felt like it was imploding on itself. He wanted to crawl into a hole.

Rowan just stared at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to do. Since she already knew most of this information from Sean, she wasn't shocked at that. But she was shocked at how bad he had been feeling. She felt horrible for him and she didn't know how to help him.

But she had to help him. She wasn't going to let him suffer. She couldn't.


	4. Detox Just To Re-Tox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I thought no one would read this POS Lmaoo. Thank u so much. I love y'all.

Rowan felt like she had a million questions as the two of them sat there on the couch, but she didn't dare ask anything until she was able to calm him down.

"Trevor, breathe." 

She moved closer and placed her arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry." He cried, reaching up to place a hand on one of her arms.

"I'm not mad about anything. I have no reason to be. It's not like you can control the way you feel about him. I just-.."

She teared and pulled away to look at him.

"I would have never started dating him if I had known at all that it would cause you this much pain." She breathed.

He shook his head.

"That's not fair to you. He loved you more than you even know. I-.. I saw you two, earlier. I was going over to warn him that I was going to tell you about all of this tonight.. But then I saw you two through the window.. Rowan, the way he looks at you-.. His eyes light up and he just.. He looks like the happiest person on Earth."

Rowan blinked and looked down at the floor, feeling bad.

".. I'm sorry." She whispered.

Trevor let out a breath and ran his hands down his face.

"There's nothing that can be done, Row'.. And I don't expect you to leave him. Besides, he doesn't even feel that way about me.. So, please just be happy with him. I want you happy."

Rowan was silent for a moment but then nodded.

".. Okay."

They both fell silent and just sat there for awhile until Rowan stood up and looked at him.

"I'm tired.. So.. I'm gonna' head to sleep now.. You gonna' be okay?" She asked.

"Yeah.. I'm fine.." He stood up.

"I'm gonna' go out for a bit."

Rowan frowned but he quickly realized how it sounded and he corrected himself.

"Not to drink. I'm gonna' go see Sean or something.. I'm not going to go party or whatever. Promise."

Rowan looked at him, unsure if he was telling the truth or he just didn't want her to worry.

".. Sis.. I promise, relax." He said, nudging her shoulder gently.

"Okay, okay.. Fine.. Just.. Text me if you need anything." She said.

"Yep." He grabbed his jacket and phone and headed out the door.

\----  
It was colder than Trevor expected and it hadn't been this cold just a few hours prior, when he had been stood outside of Brandon's house, watching him dance with his sister.

He walked to Sean's house and knocked on the door, shoving his hands into his pockets as he waited. 

"Heyyy!" Sean exclaimed as he flung the door open. 

"What's up? Come inside." 

Trevor headed inside and followed Sean to his room. He threw himself down onto the bean bag chair as Sean sat on the bed.

".. I told Rowan."

Sean blinked.

"Shit. No way.'

"Yeah.. And-.. It went alright. She wasn't like mad at me or anything. She just.. Felt bad I guess." He shrugged.

"Well yeah. I mean.. She cares about you a lot. I know she wants you happy. She said you've been drinking a lot again.. I've kinda' noticed but like.. I didn't know it was so bad again."

"It wasn't that bad.. And besides, I've stopped. So, don't worry." Trevor insisted.

"Okay.. So.. What now? Are you going to look for someone else? Or are you holding out hope that one day you'll be with Brandon?"

Trevor blinked.

"I'm not going to break them up if that's what you're insinuating, Sean. I'm not an asshole."

"No.. That's not what I meant. I just meant.. No one knows if him and Rowan will stay together. What happens if they break up? You're telling me you wouldn't jump at the first chance to be with him?"

Trevor was going to speak, but he actually had to stop and think hard about that one. He was sure that wasn't the right thing to do. That would hurt Rowan if he went after him so quickly if they broke up.

"I wouldn't do anything to upset Rowan. She's more important to me than dating anyone.. She's-... Sometimes she's the only real family I have." He said quietly.

".. What do you mean?"

".. I-.. I like her mom.. She's cool. But.. She sides with my dad a lot and my dad's not the greatest to me. You know that."

".. He hasn't like.. Hurt you.. Has he? Or Rowan?" Sean asked carefully, not wanting to overstep his boundaries.

".. Rowan, no. But.. He's.. Threatened me before.. You know?... He always warns me.. Always says he'll kick the shit out of me if I don't get into college.. Says he'll send me away if I don't get a job and start helping out. He puts a lot of pressure on me and if stresses me out.."

".. You should move out." 

"And go where?"

"Live with me." Sean shrugged.

"And what about Rowan? Leave her there?"

Sean sighed. "Nah.. That wouldn't be right."

Trevor spaced out as he noticed his body started to ache slightly. He would have just assumed he was probably coming down with something, but the fact He hadn't had alcohol in almost 24 hours let him know that he was going to start having withdrawals. 

".. I'm tired." He finally said.

"Take the bed.. I'll sleep on the floor." Sean offered.

"We can both sleep on the bed, Sean. I'm not going to try and be gay with you." He laughed.

"That's not what I meant, you dick!" Sean laughed.

"The bed's just kind of small, you know."

Trevor shrugged. "It's fine. We can fit." He insisted.

They both managed to comfortably fit on the bed without spooning each other and Trevor quickly grabbed his phone from his pocket and texted Rowan.

"Staying with Sean for the night. Too tired to walk back home. Night Sis."

She replied a few seconds later, telling him goodnight and then Trevor fell asleep.

He got about 4 hours of decent sleep before he woke up, feeling like he was on fire. His skin burned and he was sweating. He could feel his hair sticking to his face. He sat up slowly and his stomach turned in the most uncomfortable way. 

He looked at Sean, who was still asleep. He kneed him in the side and he groaned.

"What the fuck?" He muttered, half asleep.

".. I'm gonna' go home.. It's almost morning anyway.." Trevor breathed.

Sean opened his eyes, looked at the clock and then looked at Trevor. He sat up and blinked.

"Dude.. You don't look good."

Trevor ran a hand through his hair, realizing how warm his skin felt, cringing at how gross his hair felt.

"Uh.. Yeah. I just.. I'm like.. Detoxing or some shit, I don't know.."

"Fuck.. Do you want me to drive you back?"

"Probably best I don't get in your car right now."

He climbed over Sean and got off the bed, grabbing his jacket.

"Uh.. Okay. Just text me and let me know you got back safe."

"Yeah, I will."

Trevor gave a lazy wave and then headed quietly out of the house. The fresh air felt kind of nice, but the walking made his legs feel like jello. After about fifteen minutes, he for back to the house, only having had to stop twice on the way there to throw up in some bushes.

When he got down the hall, he went straight to his room and curled up in bed.

Rowan had got up early and had gotten ready. She wanted to see Brandon and then go pick up some supplies for a project that was due the next day. She heard some noise in the next room and blinked.

She left her room quietly and poked her head into Trevor's room, then walked in.

"Trev'?"

She walked over to the bed and he looked at her.

"I thought you were staying with Sean-.. Are you okay?" She asked, noticing he didn't look the best.

".. I'm.. Coming off of the alcohol.. It's bad.. I feel.. Bad." He whined quietly.

She set her bag down on the floor and went to the kitchen, getting him some water and a sports drink with electrolytes. She then went back into his room and set them down on his night stand and put the trash bin beside his bed.

"You'll be alright." She said, picking her bag up.

"You've gotten through it before.. You can do it. I'll leave a note.. Telling your dad not to wake you.. That you got food poisoning or something."

".. You're a saviour, Ro'.." Trevor mumbled groggily.

"Yeah, Yeah. I know." She patted his hand and then turned the light off.


	5. I'm A Little Unsteady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PRE-WARNING: Trevor's dad is homophobic. I am NOT. I am writing his character that way for the plot of this fic. I support everyone in the LGBTQ+ community. A character is simply a character and has nothing to do with me. 
> 
> Thank u carry on

Rowan was 2 feet from the door when Trevor's dad walked into the livingroom and looked at her.

".. You're up early."

Rowan took her hand off of the doorknob and blinked, hoping this would be a quick conversation.

"I have to pick up some things for a project.. It has to be finished by tomorrow morning."

"Trevor awake yet? I have a list of things I need him to get done around the house today."

Rowan blinked and chewed at the inside of her lip for a second.

"He actually just fell asleep.. He was up all night with food poisoning.."

His dad blinked.

"Oh.. Well, okay. I'll just have him do the stuff tomorrow I guess."

"I can take care of it." 

Rowan held a hand out for the list.

"Oh, no. You don't worry about it. The kid needs to stop being lazy and leave his room more. I swear, I'm getting closer and closer to just putting him on that bus to New York."

"Trevor doesn't need to go to boarding School. It wouldn't be helpful.. He wouldn't know anyone."

"Well, I'll make that decision, not you."

Rowan blinked at him and then shook her head and walked out the front door, feeling pissed. She took her phone out as she walked and texted Brandon.

"Meet me at the hardware store. I'm running late. Trevor's dad is something else sometimes."

"Tell me about it. Meet u there." He replied.

\----  
Brandon trailed beside Rowan as she pushed the shopping cart down the aisles. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at her.

".. Is Trevor alright? Sean texted me earlier.. Said he left in a hurry and that he looked seriously fucked up."

Rowan stopped walking and looked at him.

"Yeah.. He's alright. He stopped drinking, so he's like detoxing and it's.. Pretty hard.. I told his dad he had food poisoning. I think he bought it."

"What is up with him anyway?"

"He wants to send Trevor to boarding school for his senior year. He doesn't think he pays attention in class.. It's not like his grades are that bad.. I just think he's easily distracted."

"Yeah.. A shame, too.. Trevor's fucking smart. Like.. Smarter than you and I combined." He laughed.

"Okay, usually I'd be offended but you're right.. He is." She laughed as well and shook her head.

"Yeah.. So.. What are you doing later? Do you want to go see a movie?"

"I can't.. I'm going over to Sean's. I asked him if he would help me with the project."

"Sean? Why'd you ask Sean?"

"Because he's good at building things."

"So am I!" Brandon protested.

"Mmm..." Rowan shook her head and laughed.

"Wow, Rowan. Breaking my little architect heart."

Rowan rolled her eyes and started pushing the cart again.

"Speaking of Sean.. You guys hang out quite a bit now.. What's up with that?" He asked, trying to sound casual.

".. We have a lot more in common than we thought.. And.. With Hailey gone and Elisia out of town on vacation with Ash.. I just grew closer with Sean."

".. Ah, well, at least he's a good guy.. You could be hanging out with people like Jake." 

Rowan stared at him. "Leave Jake out of it. He's out of the picture and he has been for a long time."

"Alright, alright. Untwist your panties." He laughed.

\----  
Trevor had spent most of the morning in bed, sleeping on and off. Rowan's mom had brought him some toast before she had left for work and his dad had given him the list of chores anyway before leaving the house.

He knew his dad had the day off, so he wasn't sure how long he would be out of the house. He didn't want to stay in bed too long and risk being yelled at.

He looked over the list and sighed, deciding to just start with taking the empty plate back to the kitchen. He did the dishes to cross that off the list and then went and took a shower.

After he had gotten dressed and was about to close the door to his closet, his eyes stopped on a box that was on the top shelf. It was a small, blue, shoebox. He knew what was inside and he very rarely went through it. But today was a day when he decided it was something he needed to do.

He reached up and pulled it down, heading over to his bed. He sat and dumped the contents of the box onto the comforter and let out a slow breath.

There were so many old photos. Old photos of him and friends that he no longer kept contact with. Photos of him and his mom. There were old birthday cards and ticket stubs from movies and concerts. There was some old stuff that he'd made at camp. But the one thing in the box that hurt him instead of filling him with nostalgia or good memories, the one thing he needed to see despite how much it made his heart feel like it was eating at itself, was a photo of him and Brandon from that night.

It wasn't a dirty photo. It was hardly even romantic. It was a stupid poloroid from a camera that Brandon used to have. They had been tipsy, Brandon had grabbed the camera and before Trevor even had the chance to ask him what he was doing, Brandon had placed his lips on Trevor's cheek and took the photo.

Any other person would have thought the photo was staged. That they had posed like that. Brandon kissing Trevor, while Trevor had grinned, teeth and all, his eyes squeezed shut in surprise. It was one of the best and worst photos in the world.

That night had meant everything to him. Sometimes he wasn't even sure if Brandon knew how much it meant. 

"Trevor!"

Trevor snapped out of his thoughts as his dad suddenly came barging into his room.

"What?" He breathed, his eyes wide.

"Did you get started on that list at all-... What is that?"

Before Trevor could even think, his dad stepped forward and snatched the photo from his hand.

".. What the hell is this?"

".. It's-.. It's a joke.." Trevor breathed.

He felt his heart pick up speed and he tried not to hold his breath as he waited for his dad to say something.

".. A joke? Do you think I'm dumb? No son of mine will be kissing other guys! Do you hear me? I will not raise a homosexual!"

He threw the photo on the bed and grabbed Trevor by the arm, slamming him up against the wall.

"Do we have an understanding?" He hissed.

".. Y-.. Yes, dad.." Trevor breathed, trying not to look at him.

His dad let him go and then walked out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Trevor let out a slow breath, then quickly shoved everything back into the box except for the photo, which he folded into a tiny square and put in his wallet. 

"Can you come get me?" He texted Sean.

"Can't you walk?"

"Sean. Please. Just come get me."

"Fine. Be there in ten"

Trevor threw on a hoodie, shoved his wallet and phone into his pockets and then went out his bedroom window.

When Sean picked him up, he got in the car silently and stared out the window for the whole duration of the ride.

Sean kept glancing at him, wondering if he should ask what was going on or just wait until he was ready to talk about it. Trevor had a tendency to shut down if people pushed with questions, so he decided to just the silence linger on.

When they got back to Sean's and got out of the car, Trevor followed him up the driveway, suddenly reaching out and grabbing Sean's sleeve gently.

".. Sean.."

Sean stopped and turned around to look at him. He hadn't expected to see his eyes so red, hadn't expected to see him looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

Trevor just stepped forward and threw his arms around him tightly, hugging him as close as he could. 

"Uh.. You good?" Sean asked, feeling awkward as they stood there in broad daylight, hugging each other like the world was ending.

Trevor didn't really show this side of himself around his friends. He only felt comfortable being so emotionally vulnerable around Rowan and even that had taken some time.

Sean assumed he was just extra emotional because he was probably still coming down off of the alcohol, but when Trevor didn't say anything, he felt like maybe it was more than that.

"Dude.. Seriously, are you okay? We've been hugging for like a full minute and that is so not you." He laughed slightly.

Sean pulled back and looked at him.

"Trevor.. Say something."

Trevor just hid his face with his hands, trying to breathe evenly, trying not to full-on cry. 

Sean's eyes flicked to Trevor's arm as his sleeve rode up enough to reveal the red marks where his dad had grabbed him so roughly.

".. Shit.."

He didn't know what else to do, so he just lead him inside to his room. Trevor just went to the bed and laid down, curling in on himself. Sean looked around, then sat beside him, leaning back against the pillows. 

Sean wasn't great with comforting people and he didn't really get touchy with his friends, especially guys. But he didn't say anything or make any jokes as Trevor moved closer until he was curled up against his arm. He just wanted him to feel safe, that was all that mattered.


	6. Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing For Me Right Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why u all read this and Idk why I keep writing it but u get 2 chapters in 1 day because I had nothing else to do with my day. Enjoy?

Rowan and Brandon were walking back to Rowan's house, talking about when Elisia and Ash were getting back from vacation, when Rowan's phone starting pinging repeatedly.

"Here.." Brandon held out his hands.

He was already carrying some of the bags for her but he quickly accepted the other two when her phone continued to alert her she had texts.

"Wow. Popular today." He joked.

"It's probably just Trevor being bored." She said.

She scanned her eyes over all the texts, which were all from Sean, who seemed a bit frantic and worried. 

"Uh.. I have to go." She said.

"What? Why? What happened?"

"Sean says something is wrong with Trevor, that he's really upset about something and he doesn't know what to do." 

"Oh.. Should I come with you?" He asked.

"No, it's okay.. Can you just go through my window and stick the bags on my floor?"

He nodded, but was a little confused as to why she didn't want him to come with her.

She quickly kissed him on the cheek and then hurried off in the other direction.

Sean opened the door after she knocked for what felt like hours. She had been ready to just find a window and let herself in, when he finally answered.

"Hey.. Where is he? Is he okay?"

"He's in my room, asleep..."

Sean stepped outside and closed the door.

"He wouldn't talk about it, but.. Rowan, I think his dad hurt him."

"What?" She stared at him.

".. There's.. Marks on his arm. Like-.. Like someone grabbed him, you know?"

Rowan just blinked, not really knowing how to react or how to feel. She'd seen his dad get angry at him before. He always towered over Trevor, raising his voice as he shouted and screamed. But not once had Rowan ever seen his dad physically hurt him.

"Rowan, this is serious.. If he hurt Trevor, he's capable of hurting anyone.. That includes you and your mom."

"I know.." She said quietly.

She absent-mindedly started fidgeting with her necklace, moving the small charm back and forth across the chain as she tried to figure out what to do.

"Come on." He said, leading her inside.

Trevor was still asleep when they got into the room but his sleeves were pushed up and Rowan could see the marks. 

".. What do I do?" She whispered.

Sean leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms.

".. Tell your mom."

She sighed and stood back up, walking over to him.

"If I tell her and she splits with him.. And.. If-.. I'm not saying she would but.. If she doesn't want Trevor to stay either.. He has a home here, right? Promise me."

Sean nodded.

"I promise."

Rowan let out a slow breath and looked at the floor. Sean reached a hand out and gently placed it on her shoulder.

"Hey."

She looked up at him, blinking.

"It'll be okay.."

He then pulled her closer to him and without thinking, placed a kiss on her forehead. She went very still, her eyes frozen on his face. What was he doing?

".. Sean." She whispered, looking back to make sure Trevor was still asleep.

Sean took her hand and took her out into the hallway.

"I'm sorry.. I wasn't thinking. I just-.." He shook his head.

Rowan blinked, unable to explain why her chest felt like it was going to explode, why she wanted him to kiss her again. She felt a burst of happiness and a strange excitement at the thought of what just happened and she knew it was wrong, but a part of her wondered if it wasn't.

Without saying a word, she placed her hands on his shoulders and pressed her lips against his. She felt his hand fall on her waist and he leaned into the kiss, keeping it going.

After a few moments, she pulled away.

"... Wow." Sean breathed.

Rowan blushed deeply and put a hand over her mouth, trying not to grin too much.

".. What was that?.. What about Brandon?"

"I-.. I don't know.. I-.. I'll think about that later. I need to go home and tell my mom about what happened to Trevor."

"Alright.. You still want me to help you with the project later?"

She nodded. "Yeah, of course."

Sean smirked at her and then walked back into his bedroom to wake Trevor.

\----

An hour later, Rowan and Trevor were quietly sitting in her room, neither knowing what to say.

Trevor had insisted it wouldn't happen again, begged her not to say anything, made her promise to just forget about it. Rowan was angry that he didn't think it was serious and she wanted to just ignore him and go tell her mom what was going on, but she decided to just let it go, not wanting to upset him further.

".. How did he find out anyway?" Rowan asked quietly, picking at a loose thread on one of her blankets.

Trevor brought his head up from his knees and looked at her from across the room.

"He saw a photo."

"What photo?"

"There's a photo of Brandon and I.. From that night."

Rowan blinked and just stared at him, wondering if she even wanted to know what they were doing in the photo.

".. Uh?"

"It's not what you think!" He exclaimed quietly.

He got his wallet out and took the photo from inside, unfolding it and holding it out.

Rowan hesitated, then got off her bed and walked across the room, slowly taking the photo from his hand. She looked down at it, her other hand moving to her necklace again, nervously fidgeting with it.

He looked at her, waiting for her to say something. She just gave the photo back to him and went back to her bed, laying down and staring at the ceiling. 

".. Rowan."

"I kissed Sean today." She said, almost in a whisper.

Trevor's eyes widened and he stood up.

"You what?"

"Yeah.. I mean-.. He kissed me first and then.. I kissed him back and.. Yeah."

"Holy shit, Rowan.."

She sat up and looked at him.

".. I want to tell you that it was a mistake but it wasn't. I-I feel.. Things for him. I kept telling myself that I didn't.. That we were just really good friends.. But everytime I see him, I just-.." She shook her head.

"Yeah.. I get it. That's how it feels with Brandon." Trevor breathed.

He then walked toward her door.

"You'll figure it out.." He told her, then smiled a bit and headed out of her room.

\----  
Rowan ended up finishing the project by herself after texting Sean and telling him she was too tired to go back over. It wasn't really a lie, but it was only half the truth. She also wasn't in the mood to have an awkward talk with him about what had happened earlier.

As she finished cleaning the glue and paint off of her hands in the bathroom, Brandon texted her.

"U and Sean done with the project?"

"I actually did it myself. Was too tired to drag everything to his house."

"Are you too tired to drag yourself to mine?"

Rowan snickered to herself and then let her thumbs hover above her keyboard for a minute, before replying to him.

"See u in a bit."

She grabbed her jacket from her room and then headed out and went to Brandon's.

They watched a movie on the couch but she kept getting lost in thought and had to keep having Brandon explain what was going on. It was almost impossible to focus on anything other than what had happened with Sean earlier.

Brandon sighed and finally just turned the TV off.

"Rowan."

"Brandon."

"What is up with you?" He frowned. "You seem like you're in another world tonight. Everything okay? Is it Trevor? You never texted me about it."

"Oh-.. Uh.. Sorry, I forgot. He's okay. Him and his dad argued." She said slowly, not wanting to tell him something that wasn't really wasn't her business to tell him.

"Oh.. Okay, well, what's up then?"

She looked at her hands, not knowing what to say. If everything that had happened with The Zoo had taught her anything, it was that lying didn't help anything.

"Something happened today when I was with Sean.. And.. I don't really know what it was.. But.. I need you to not get mad at me."

Brandon blinked. Something told him that this wasn't going to be anything he wanted to hear and he felt like he already knew what was coming, so he said the words before she could.

".. Did-.. Did he kiss you?"

Rowan nodded slowly, feeling kind of surprised that he figured it out so quickly.

"I knew it! I knew there was something going on with you two! You've been spending more time with him than you have with me. Come on, Rowan! Just last year you didn't even trust or really even know Sean!" He exclaimed as he stood and walked away from her.

Rowan stood up quickly.

"It's not like that! It just happened!"

"Did you kiss him back?"

"Brandon.."

"Did you? Did you kiss him, Rowan? Tell me."

"Yes! Okay? I kissed him!" She started to cry.

Brandon threw his hands in the air and turned away from her, feeling hurt. He shook his head and stared out the window.

"Brandon, I'm sorry.." She whispered.

"Don't." He said flatly, his voice cracking.

She grabbed her jacket off of the couch and went out the front door, slamming it on her way out. 

Brandon just stood there, feeling once again, like she had torn his heart out. The last time he'd felt this way was when they had stood in front of Elisia and Ash's apartment last year. Rowan had confessed that it wasn't Zoe who had got him went away. It had been her. It had taken him awhile to get over that and he didn't think she would ever make him hurt like that again.

He had been wrong.


	7. You're So Good At Letting Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok enjoy I'm half asleep   
> Love y'all

Rowan was halfway down the block when Brandon came running after her, grabbing the sleeve of her jacket.

"Rowan, wait." He breathed.

She stopped walking and turned around, staring at him. Tears were running down her face and Brandon could tell that she felt really guilty about everything.

"I-.. Look, I'm mad, okay? I'm pissed. You kissed one of my best friends. I feel hurt and betrayed and-... Confused, Rowan. I'm confused. Do you love him? Do you love Sean?" 

The question rolled off of his tongue and hit her like a baseball bat. She hadn't been expecting that and now she felt cornered. There was no avoiding the question. She had to give him an answer.

".. I'll talk if you do." She said quietly, then crossed her arms.

"What?"

"I want to know about your night with Trevor."

"What?.. How do you know abo-.. That's not even relevant, Rowan! That happened before you and I were even together. Who cares about that?" He snapped.

"Trevor does!" She yelled. "You hurt him! And I want to know why he's so hung up on that night with you! I want to know what you did to make him so unhappy!"

Brandon went silent.

".. It's not what I did.. It's what I didn't do.." He finally whispered.

".. Come back inside and we'll talk. If you tell me about Sean.. I'll tell you about Tevor."

"Fine." She said, starting to walk back toward the house with him.

They sat on the couch, a few feet of distance between them. Rowan looked at her hands and Brandon watched her.

"So..?"

She finally looked at him. "What do you want me to say?"

"Do you love him?"

Rowan shook her head. "No-.. I mean.. I don't know. We kissed, Brandon. I didn't sleep with him."

"That doesn't make it hurt any less.. How long have you felt like that about him? Did you feel this way before we even started dating?"

"No.. It's just-.. I don't think I even really realized I felt anything for him until we kissed.." She breathed.

Brandon ran his hands through his hair. He hated being angry at her. He didn't want to be, but he couldn't erase the thought of her kissing Sean out of his head.

"Your turn." She breathed.

Brandon sighed and stood up, pacing around the livingroom.

"So.. About four months before you even knew Trevor and I.. I had thrown a party here. My dad was out of town and I had 48 hours to do whatever I wanted.. So, yeah, I threw a party. I invited like twenty people and those people ended up inviting a bunch of people and.. Yeah, you can imagine.. It ended up being like.. I don't know.. Maybe a hundred? Maybe more?"

Rowan just watched him, staying silent.

"Anyway.. Trevor was there. We were trying to have a conversation in the kitchen and it was just getting too loud, so we went to my room. We obviously had both been drinking.. It was a party.." He said quietly.

".. We were sitting on my bed and I jokingly grabbed this old Polaroid camera that I used to have.. And I started taking stupid pictures of us. For one of the photos, without even thinking, I just-.."

Rowan cut him off.

"You kissed him on the cheek." She whispered.

Brandon looked over at her.

"I saw the photo."

"Ah.." He laughed nervously and looked away.

"Yeah, so.. When I did that, I felt something for him that I had never felt before. Suddenly he wasn't just my best friend anymore. Suddenly he was someone who I wanted to love.. And-.. So.. I kissed him again.. And he kissed me back."

Rowan bit at her lip. ".. Then what?"

"I think you know what happened."

She looked at the floor. "So.. You slept with him."

"Oh, it's a lot worse than that. I was.. I was his first, Rowan. His first everything. His first crush, his first kiss.. His first time."

She teared up and looked at him. "How could you hurt him?"

"I was drunk! I didn't know that when I woke up, I wasn't going to feel the same way anymore! I didn't know he was going to suddenly ask if we were 'something' or if I loved him! It freaked me out!"

"So you just what? Told him to forget it? Told him it was a mistake?"

Brandon threw his hands in the air. "Yes! Okay?"

She shook her head and stood up. "I don't feel bad for kissing Sean now. You're a monster." She breathed, her voice cracking.

"Rowan.."

"No! You have no idea how much pain he goes through because of you!"

"He needs to get over it!"

"Stop! Just-.. Don't. Don't talk to me." She snapped.

She walked out the front door again and this time he didn't go after her. He sat on the couch instead and started to think about that night with Trevor. It seemed like forever ago, yet Brandon could remember pretty much every moment of it.

He knew it was a lie that he didn't feel anything for him. He did. He did everyday and he tried to push the feelings away, tried to cover them up with thoughts of Rowan.

\----  
Trevor was on the couch, watching an old black and white movie when Rowan walked through the front door. Both her mom and his dad were gone, working late again.

"Hey.." He said quietly.

He reached for the remote and turned the TV off. 

She walked over and sat beside him. The tears on her face now visible in the light from the only lamp that was on in the house.

"Hey..What happened?" He frowned.

"I told him that I kissed Sean." She breathed, wiping at her face.

"Did-.. Did he break up with you?"

"No.. I-.. I mean.. I don't think so. He's just.. So mad and hurt.. And I feel so horrible.. But.." She shook her head.

"But what?"

"I have feelings for Sean, Trevor. I have feelings and I can't make them go away and I-I don't know what to do because no matter what choice I make, someone gets hurt."

"Hey. Just take your time.. This isn't something you have to decide on overnight. You love Brandon, I know you do.. But it you think you also might love Sean, then you really need to take your time on making a choice about things."

She nodded, wiping at more tears.

He pulled her into a hug.

"Don't worry.. Remember what you always told me? Tomorrow is a new day." 

\----

It was nearly four in the morning. Exactly 2 and a half hours before Trevor knew his alarm was go off for School. So, why was he awake now?

Because some asshole kept texting him, making his phone vibrant on top of his night stand. The screen also lit up each time a message went through.

Trevor groaned and finally sat up, grabbing the phone and scrolling through the messages. They were all from Brandon.

"Trevor, can we talk?"  
"Are you awake?"  
"Trevor, answer your texts"  
"Dude, seriously, I need to talk to you"  
"Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad. I was asleep u dickwad."

"Oh.. Can u come over?"

Trevor looked at the clock and sighed, knowing he probably wasn't going to get back to asleep anyways. He threw on some clothes and then quietly went out his window and dragged himself to Brandon's.

"Where r u?"

"In the backyard."

Trevor blinked and then hopped over the fence quietly, knowing it was locked for the night.

He slowly made his say over to the grass where Brandon was sitting, cross legged, still in his phone.

"Yeehaw." Trevor yawned.

Brandon looked up.

"Dude.. I'm so fucked." He breathed.

"Is this about Rowan?" Trevor asked as he sat beside him.

"Yeah.. Uh.. How much do you know?"

"Everything." Trevor shrugged.

There was silence after that and Brandon began to pull blades of grass from the slightly damp Earth.

"How the fuck do I compete with Sean? He's like.. 10 steps above me. He's funnier, he's nicer.. Rowan literally smiled and laughs at everything he says.. It's so fucked up. I tried to be everything for her."

".. If hurts, doesn't it?"

Brandon glanced at him. "The fuck?"

"I'm just saying.. It sucks to give everything to someone you love.. And.. Not get that love back."

"Is this about that night? Trevor, Jesus, it's time to let it go."

"You know what? Fuck this." 

Trevor got up and started to leave but Brandon quickly reached up and grabbed the hem of his shirt.

"Don't go.. Please." Brandon half-pleaded, not wanting to sound too desperate.

Trevor stood there for a second, blinking at him, then sat back down, watching as Brandon laid back on the grass, resting his hands over his stomach and letting out a sigh.

"I'm sorry.." 

Trevor bit at his lower lip, then laid beside him, staring up at the sky. He got so distracted trying to count stars, that he almost forgot Brandon had apologized.

".. For what?" He finally asked.

"For hurting you.. For making you feel like what we did was stupid or a mistake. For not loving you after.. Just-.. For everything. I'm sorry I'm such a dick."

".. It's okay." Trevor breathed, feeling his heart aching all over again.

He then lifted a hand toward the sky.

"Cloud looks like a frog." He said, trying to change the subject.

Brandon blinked, then cleared his throat.

"Kinda' weird how.. The universe is so big.. How there's so much out there that no one will ever discover.. One day.. Everyone that's alive right now, will be dead.. And.. Yet somehow, right now, I'm here.. Alive in this moment with you.."

Brandon then reached up and grabbed Trevor's hand gently. Trevor drew in a breath quietly and looked at their hands interlaced in front of the dark blue sky, in front of the dancing stars and the glowing white moon.

".. It wasn't a mistake, Trevor. I'm just a fucking coward." Brandon whispered.

He could hear the tone in his voice change, like he was holding back any kind of emotion, trying to be as blank as possible.

Then, without any warning at all, Brandon sat up, pulling Trevor up with him. He stood and grabbed both of his hands, pulling him to his feet.

".. I don't want you to think that what happened meant nothing to me.. Because, to be completely honest, I think about it more than I should." He whispered.

Trevor felt like he'd stopped breathing. They were only inches apart from each other and it made him nervous. It made him anxious and he wanted to turn and run. Before he had a chance to say anything, Brandon kissed him.

Then they were kissing. Quick, quiet, moving back, stumbling across the yard. Trevor gasped a bit as his back suddenly collided with the wall of the house. Brandon kept him there, pressed against the drywall as he continued to kiss him. Trevor kissed back, not thinking about anything else in that moment.

Not about how wrong it was.  
Not about how guilty he would feel later  
Not about Rowan's feelings.  
Not a single thing in the world could have distracted him from a moment that he thought would never happen again.  
He was going to live in that moment and enjoy every second of it. He didn't care about the consequences.

He didn't care.  
He deserved that moment  
He deserved that happiness.


	8. Hold Me Now, Warm My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heuheuheuu enjoyyyy. Also anyone else over the weather getting Warner? I am. F this shiz.

"I'm sorry.. For everything. I was such a dick." Brandon breathed inbetween placing kisses on Trevor's neck.

Trevor had been living in the moment until an uneasy wave of guilt ran through him. He quickly placed his hands on Brandon's shoulder.

"Stop.." He breathed.

"What? Why?" Brandon asked, his hand traveling to Trevor's waist, raising his shirt ever slightly on one side.

"Brandon, stop.."

The voice crack was all it took and Brandon knew that Trevor was serious. He stopped kissing him and stepped back.

"What? Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"I-.. I can't.. I can't do this to Rowan." Trevor breathed, starting to cry.

"Forget Rowan. Her and I are over. She loves Sean."

"She loves you!"

"Then she wouldn't have fucking kissed him." Brandon said bitterly.

Trevor thought about it for a minute and then let out a slow breath, looking down at the grass.

".. Brandon, I care more about Rowan than anyone else in the whole entire world. She is my sister.. My family.. She saved my life.. And I don't want to do anything to hurt her or make her upset with me."

"The only person she'll be upset with is me. I'm going to end it with her.. So.. If you really have feelings for me, Trevor.. If this is what you've really wanted. Don't waste your chance."

Trevor drew in a slow breath, the words shooting through his mind like a train going full speed. He could barely think. His body felt fuzzy, numb kind of. 

".. Is-.. Is it okay if.. Tonight we just.." He trailed off.

".. Lay in the dark and not say anything like two moody teenagers?" Brandon joked.

Trevor fumbled with the hem of his shirt. That was exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to lay there with Brandon and just think. He wanted to enjoy his company without making out with him or having sex. Sex was the last thing on his mind.

"Alright.. Come on." Brandon said gently, heading for the side door.

Trevor let out a breath and followed him to his room. 

They laid on the bed side by side, quiet, not really saying anything. They could hear eachother breathing and Brandon resisted making a joke to cut the silence.

".. You're not going to hurt Rowan."

Trevor turned onto his side to look at him.

".. So.. If she gets upset, what are you going to do? Are you going to fix it?"

"Yes, I'll deal with it if she's upset."

"Okay.."

Brandon gave him a small smile and then turned onto his side as well. He placed a hand on Trevor's side but quickly moved it away when he felt him tense up.

".. Hey.. Are you okay? You.. Seem so.. Afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid of you.. I just.." He shook his head.

"What is it?" Brandon asked.

"Nothing."

"Uhm okay.. Well.. You can always tell me anything.. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I know.. It's just.. It's not a big deal."

He then rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. 

"You know we have fucking School in like 2 hours?" Brandon laughed quietly.

".. That's two hours of sleep I can get so shut up." Trevor joked, elbowing him.

"Yeah, yeah. Goodnight princess. Get your beauty sleep."

\----

School was more annoying than usual. 2 hours of sleep didn't cut it for Trevor. Everything felt like slow motion and everything was too bright and loud.

Rowan leaned against the lockers as he took some books out of his.

"Hey.. Did you leave last night?"

"Yeah." Trevor said quietly.

He slowly shut his locker and looked at her, still in the same clothes he had been wearing yesterday.

She blinked. ".. You were drinking.."

"What? No!" He hissed quietly.

"I was with Brandon.. I uh.. I slept at his place.."

"Why were you with Brandon?"

"Because he texted me and told me to come over.. He was upset about you and-.."

"And what?"

".. Can we talk about this later? I have a headache."

She adjusted her backpack on her shoulder and sighed.

"Yeah, fine."

"Great. I'll see you at home. I don't have last period so.. I'm out of here in an hour." He said.

"Aren't you lucky? Some of us have to sit through the History lecture." Rowan rolled her eyes.

"Wow.. Cool. You have fun with that." He laughed.

He then turned and walked away, heading for his last class.

\----  
By the time he got home, his slight headache had turned into a full-blown migraine. The lack of sleep, food and a shit ton of stress had finally caught up with him. He closed his curtains and laid down on his bed.

"Trevor!"

He sat up, blinking. He could hear the heavy footsteps coming down the hall and he held his breath.

His dad appeared in the doorway and stared at him.

"You're home and you're not finishing the stuff on the list I gave you?"

"I have a migraine.."

"So? Don't be a drama queen. Let's go." His dad clapped. "I want it all done by the time I'm home tonight."

Trevor waited for him to leave the house, then picked up the list and sighed. He was not in the mood to do any of the shit written down. He didn't want to be yelled at later, so he just spent the next 2 hours around the house and out in the back, moving things, fixing things and throwing out old broken slabs of concrete from when they had built the pool. 

By the time he had finished everything, he could barely see straight. Rowan still wasn't home and he thought about asking Sean or Brandon to come over because he really didn't like being alone when he felt awful.

He headed inside and into the bathroom with every intention of taking a shower and then going to sleep, but instead he just slid down the wall to the floor and pressed his hands to his face, groaning in pain. Every movement he made, made it feel like someone was slamming his head with a hammer as hard as they could. He reached up and turned the light off, trying to get any bit of relief that he could.

He felt his body go hot, then cold, then hot again. He felt sick, he felt dizzy. He was sure this was worse than detoxing from the alcohol. He quickly flung himself over the toilet, throwing up what little food he had managed to eat at School. He then flushed the toilet and sat there for a bit, waiting until he had enough energy to stand up, brush his teeth and take a quick shower.

Once he was dressed, he dragged himself to his bed and collapsed on it.

He heard the front door open and shut and a few seconds later, Brandon walked into his room. He originally thought it was going to be Rowan. But Rowan was much quieter entering the house. Brandon was loud. Everything about him was loud. He was a walking marching band.

"Fuck Mrs. Leighton. She's such a bitch." He complained.

"Hoe gave me triple the homework everyone else got because I took my phone out ONCE."

Trevor just groaned quietly in response.

"What's up with you? And why the fuck is your room so dark?"

Trevor opened his eyes and stated at him, his eyes glazed over with tears. He never knew pain could be so bad.

"I have a migraine.. I feel fucking gross."

Brandon went quiet. He actually could sympathize at that. He used to get them a lot as a kid and he remembered how awful they were. He knew how all noise and light would just escalate it. He remembered missing so many days of middle school because he'd just be sick all day.

He left the room and went into the kitchen, quietly opening all the cupboards as he tried to find the Tylenol. 

"Where the fuck..?" He muttered to himself.

After searching for a good five minutes, he finally found a bottle in a drawer. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went back to his room.

"Sit up." He said, shaking a dose out of the bottle.

Trevor sat up slowly, taking the Tylenol with the water. He then laid back down, shutting his eyes again, eagerly wanting the spinning to stop.

Brandon got on the bed with him and looked at him silently. He didn't consider himself a real emotional person, but seeing someone he really cared about in pain, made his heart break quite a bit.

'Come here, Trev.." He said softly, tugging on his sleeve.

Trevor let Brandon pull him into his arms and he laid his head on his shoulder, keeping his eyes closed. He knew Rowan would be home any time but he was in too much pain to be worried about what she would think if she saw him.

Brandon just kept an arm around him, placing it on his arm, moving his thumb up and down softly against Trevor's sleeve.

He couldn't help but wonder how he had been so dumb to push his feelings for Trevor away for so long. Because, in that moment, as the two of them laid there in silence again, Brandon couldn't have asked for anything more.


	9. I Miss Missing You Now And Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends. Enjoy another chapter. Sorry this one took so long. 💁 I am easily distracted and procrastinate. But hey don't we all? Lmaooo.

Rowan threw her backpack on the couch after walking through the front door, letting out a sigh. She had had to stay after her last class to help move things around in the gym, as the school was preparing to hold a bake sale that night. She wasn't going to go. No one liked going to those things. They were always so long and boring.

"Trevor? I'm home." She called.

She didn't get a response so she headed down the hall toward his room. She stopped in the doorway and blinked. If she hadn't've been fighting with Brandon, she wouldn't have thought anything of the way he was laying there with Trevor, one arm around him as he slept.

Brandon looked at her, silent. He could tell that she was upset and maybe even angry, but he didn't say anything as he didn't want to wake Trevor up.

She shook her head and walked away, going to her room.

Brandon sighed and quietly untangled himself from his sleeping friend, then hurried to her room.

"Rowan."

"Go away."

"No. I want to talk to you about things."

"There's clearly nothing to talk about. Looks like you've already moved on."

"It's not what what you think! I was going to wait until I broke up wi-.."

Rowan's eyes widened a bit and suddenly filled with tears.

"Break up with me? You're breaking up with me? And what? You're going to suddenly love Trevor after all this time? After denying you had any feelings for him. You can't fuck with someone like that, Brandon! That's so unfair to him."

"You kissed Sean. That's what's unfair."

"It was a kiss, Brandon! I didn't have sex with him!"

"And I didn't have sex with Trevor!"

"You did before."

"Before I even knew you, Rowan. That doesn't fucking count."

"You know what? Forget it. We're obviously over. You want Trevor, fine, but if you hurt him at all, even just once, I will make your life a living hell."

"Fucking chill, Rowan. I'm not going to hurt him!"

"You did before!"

"Stop throwing that in my face!"

"Stop being a dick to people!"

Trevor was awake at this point since they were practically screaming at each other in the next room. He groaned and sat up slowly, his head still pounding.

He listened to them, chewing at his lower lip. Fighting gave him major anxiety, even if he wasn't doing the actual fighting. He just hated when people raised their voices. It made him so nervous and uneasy.

After a few minutes, it finally stopped. He saw Brandon walk by his room, then heard the front door open and shut loudly as he left.

Rowan appeared in his doorway a few moments later and looked at him.

"So.. You and Brandon? Finally, huh?"

Trevor looked at her, not knowing what to say.

".. You couldn't even wait until he broke up with me? He really must've had some convincing words.. You said you wouldn't, Trevor. You said you wouldn't do anything to hurt me." She breathed, fighting back tears.

".. Rowan, you kissed Sean.. You kind of ended your relationship with Brandon on your own."

It sounded so harsh, so brutal, but it was the truth. He expected her to get angry, to yell at him, but instead she just looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry-.. I didn't.." He trailed off.

"No, you're right. I kissed Sean.. And.. I knew what I was doing. It wasn't an accident. I wanted to kiss Sean. I ruined things with Brandon."

She walked into the room and sat on the side of the bed, looking at him.

"Why's it so dark in here?"

".. I have a migraine."

"Oh.. Sorry.. You should rest." She stood up.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked quickly.

"No.. I'm not. I'm mad at myself.. But.. You didn't-.. You didn't really do anything wrong.. Besides.. I know how much you wanted this."

"Well, I didn't want it in these consequences.. I didn't want things to end badly between you two."

Rowan shrugged. "It's okay.. It's my fault."

Trevor looked at his hands, then closed his eyes and let out a breath.

"Sleep.. I'm fine. I'll get over it."

She headed out of his room, closing the door quietly. Once she was back in her room, she curled up on her bed and cried qyietly. She wasn't really fine, but she didn't want to make Trevor feel bad or guilty. It really was her fault. She'd willingly kissed Sean while she was still with Brandon and she knew it would have it's consequences.

\----  
The next few days went by slowly. School was a blur to both Trevor and Rowan. She was still getting over things with Brandon and Trevor was trying to figure out what he and Brandon were.

They started to hang out a lot more. Brandon was very flirty, but they didn't put a label on it. They enjoyed eachothers' company and they kissed when they were alone. But Trevor really didn't let it go much further. Anytime Brandon tried to get the kissing to lead somewhere, Trevor was quick to shut it down. He would always apologize but Brandon would tell him not to. He would tell him he understood, that if he needed time to be comfortable with things, he would wait.

As for Sean and Rowan, they wasted no time. She was spending a lot of time as his house and they had, had sex. Only once, but still. It was weird at first as Rowan didn't really know what kind of a boyfriend Sean was. But if she was being completely honest, he wasn't that much different from Brandon. He was kind, caring, bought her silly little gifts 'just because'. The only real difference between them was that Sean was a little more quiet and reserved than Brandon, who could be loud and kind of annoying at times. Not that it was a bad kind of annoying.. She had never really minded it or anything.

Sean enjoyed being together with Rowan. He loved how smart, funny and full of life she was. It was his first relationship since Hailey had left and moved to California and they hadn't even really been in a relationship. They hadn't really had a chance to connect romantically before she had run off to live with her grandma.

He missed her a lot. Even if it was just as a friend. He wanted to talk to her, wanted to know how she was. But Hailey didn't really keep in contact with anyone anymore. Who could blame her? He still checked all the windows and doors at night and the whole Zoo thing had been over for months.

"Do you know what today is?" Rowan asked.

The four of them were standing around the kitchen in Sean's house. Even though her and Brandon weren't together anymore, their friendship pretty much hadn't changed and for that, they were both thankful and Trevor was relieved.

"Uh.." Brandon hopped up onto the counter. "Saturday."

Sean rolled his eyes. "No shit."

"Elisia and Ash come back tonight." Trevor said, trying to open a bottle of soda.

"Oh yeah!" Brandon clapped. "Finally."

"When do they land?" Trevor asked.

"Seven. I said I would pick them up from the airport." Sean said, grabbing the bottle of soda from him.

"It's not that hard, motherclucker."

"My hand hurts! It's hard to open things!" Trevor exclaimed, laughing.

"What happened to your hand?" 

"I fell on it." Trevor said, lowering his tone.

He hadn't told anyone, but a few days prior, his dad had been drunk and had once again flipped out on him. He really didn't want anyone to know, especially Rowan. So, he kept it to himself and tried to insist to himself that it was nothing, not a big deal.

"Lemme' see?"

Before Trevor had a chance to process what Brandon was doing, he grabbed his hand, pushing his sleeve up.

"Dude.. Uhh.. You, should get that looked at.."

Trevor's wrist was bruised purple and blue and there was some swelling. It looked bad. Not bad enough to be broken but bad enough to where Brandon was actually concerned.

Rowan stared. "You said it was nothing, Trevor!"

"It is nothing. It's fine. Relax, both of you." Trevor said casually, pulling his sleeve back down.

Sean just blinked, feeling like Trevor wasn't really telling the whole truth. He knew he could probably get him to confide in him if they were alone, so he quickly thought of a plan.

"Trev', you wanna' come with me to pick up Ash and Elisia?"

"Yeah, sure." Trevor nodded.

"We'll cook." Rowan said, then looked at Brandon. "Right?"

Brandon laughed. "I thought we were just going to order pizza."

"No! They deserve something nice! They can have pizza whenever. Come on, Brandon." She pleaded.

"Okay, yeah, fine. I'll help you cook."

Rowan clapped. "Great. We have to get groceries then."

Brandon rolled his eyes but grabbed his keys. "Yeah yeah."

\----

Later that evening, Sean and Trevor were on the way to the airport. Ash and Elisia weren't set to land for another hour but the airport was about an hour and a half away. It was plenty of time for Trevor to open up if he wanted to.

Sean tried to start with a casual conversation, knowing it would help make him feel more comfortable.

"So.. How'd you do on that chem test?"

Trevor looked out the window, squinting at the sunset. "I got a C.. I-.. I could have done better on it, but, I was distracted."

"With what?"

"Just.. Life." He looked at him.

"Yeah.. I feel you."

Trevor looked ahead, watching the cars in front of them, silently wondering what kind of lives everyone else was living. He let out a quiet breath and then reached forward and turned the radio off.

Sean blinked, waiting for it.

".. Hey uh.. Later tonight, after dinner.. Can we talk?"

"We can talk now, Trev.. We have an hour before we get there.. Look, I know you have a lot on your mind, you've been pretty quiet lately.. So.. Whatever it is.." He trailed off.

Trevor blinked a few times, then looked at his hands.

He didn't know where to start. He didn't know if he should tell him everything, or just bits and pieces. He felt like he was going to lose his shit if he didn't tell someone what was going on, but he was also so scared of what might happen if he said anything.

He knew what could happen, he'd already thought of all the possible outcomes and so many of them were bad.

But he was scared if he didn't tell someone, he would start drinking again and that was the last thing he wanted to do.


	10. It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

Sean kept driving, staying quiet as he waited for Trevor to say something. He didn't want to rush him or make him feel pressured to talk.

"My dad knows."

"Knows.. what?" Sean asked slowly.

"That I'm gay." Trevor breathed.

He hadn't talked to anyone about this yet and he didn't expect to get so upset about it but it was a lot harder than he thought it would be. He could feel his heart racing and his eyes started to burn.

"Oh-.. How did he react?"

Trevor bit at his lip, not knowing how put anything into words. He didn't want to admit what had happened.

"Trev.."

"He was so mad.. I-.. I've never seen him so angry and.."

Sean suddenly felt his stomach sink. He could hear the change in Trevor's voice and he realized how serious this was about to get.

".. He grabbed me by my wrist.. And he threw me.. Into the wall.. Then he hit me... And.. He kept hitting me.. And I didn't think he would stop.. I just.. All I could feel was pain.." He breathed.

The tears had started falling and he couldn't stop them. Every single minute of that day had come rushing back to him and he was suddenly re-living it. He had never been that scared before. Not even during anything with The Zoo. 

Sean got off the freeway and pulled into a parking lot, turning off the car. He didn't want to keep driving after hearing that. He couldn't focus. He looked at Trevor and blinked, not knowing what to say.

Trevor wiped at his eyes with his sleeves and then looked at him.

"He's my dad, Sean.." He breathed.

Sean let out a breath and chewed at his nails

"It doesn't matter. It's not an excuse. You can't love your abuser just because they're your family.. It doesn't make them any less toxic of a person just because you're related to them."

The words hit Trevor hard. He knew Sean was right but he also didn't want to admit it. He didn't want his dad to be taken away or arrested. His mom had already bailed, he didn't want to not have his dad around either. That would technically make him an orphan since Rowan's mom hadn't legally adopted him or anything, and he was not about to be an orphan.

"I don't know what to do! I'm supposed to love him and.. Get along with him and do father son things with him! But I can't! Because he's fucking ashamed of me and he hates me.. A-.. And he said he would rather have no son at all than someone so disgusting like me.."

As soon as the words rolled off his tongue he started crying and he felt like he would never stop. He placed his hands over his chest, trying to breathe. He couldn't think of a pain worse than knowing your own parent didn't love you or want you.

Sean quickly blinked back tears and gently grabbed Trevor's hand.

"Hey.. Listen to me. I don't know what to do.. I really don't. But I am going to try and do anything and everything I can to fix this. Okay? It'll be okay.. I promise."

Trevor just shook his head, shutting his eyes. He didn't see how any of it could possibly be okay. He didn't see how anyone could help. He was fucking terrified of any outcome because none of them seemed like they would be any good. No scenarios in his head ended up with him being happy and that scared him so fucking bad.

"I'm here and I hear you. I hear what you're going through and I want to help. You have to let me though. Please."

"Okay." He said quietly.

"Okay.." Sean nodded and leaned over, hugging him close.

He could feel him shaking. He had never seen or heard Trevor so upset. He wasn't one to vent his emotions out loud so to Sean this was extremely shocking. He knew Trevor's dad had always been hard on him but he could have never imagined things ever getting to his point.

"Do you wanna' get out of the car for a bit and get some air?"

"Yeah.. Please."

They both got out of the car and leaned against it, side by side. They were halfway to the airport and Sean knew they were going to be a bit late but he was sure Elisia and Ash wouldn't mind. He was more concerned about Trevor at that moment and he decided to just focus on him.

Trevor looked up at the sky. It was already dark. The sun had gone down a half hour ago and now the stars were twinkling high up in that deep, dark, blue mass of open space. He let out a slow breath and shoved his hands into his pockets as a small gust of wind picked up through the mostly empty parking lot they were standing in.

It was a small, mostly deserted strip mall. The only store that looked like it was still up and running was a K-Mart. Sean could see a few people entering and leaving the store with their carts.

He had been watching an old couple unload bags into the back of their SUV when Trevor suddenly spoke.

"I'm gonna' run in there and grab something to drink."

"Okay.. Then we should probably get back on the road. Grab me a water." Sean replied, handing him some money.

"Got it." Trevor nodded.

Sean watched as Trevor headed down the long parking lot, then disappeared into the K-Mart. He took his phone out and texted Elisia.

"Have you guys landed? I'm gonna' be a little late."

"Just landed. It's okay! We can't wait to see everyone!" She replied, adding a bunch of happy face and heart emojis.

"We can't wait to see you guys, too! Will text you when we're outside of the terminal." He replied.

He then stuck his phone back in the pocket of his hoodie and crossed his arms against his chest, hoping seeing them would help Trevor feel a bit better, even if just for a little while.

Trevor had grabbed two bottles of water and then had scanned the store until he found what he was looking for. Mini bottles of alcohol. 

Vodka, tequila, whiskey.. He had so many options in front of him. So many ways to full the pain. Thank God for that fake ID that was still in his wallet. He quickly grabbed the small 1 ounce bottle of Vodka, then went to a register and paid. He felt slightly nervous as he flashed the fake ID to the checker but things went smoothly and the checker just nodded and went back to scanning the items.

Once he had paid for anything, he went into the bathrooms and hid in a stall. He stared at the bottle, moving it around in his hands. He had been sober since the night he told Rowan about Brandon. He knew he was about to ruin all the progress he had made, but at this point he didn't really care.

He downed the bottle in one go, then threw it away and took a stick of gum out of his wallet, chewing on it until he was sure the only thing he smelled like was peppermint. He spit it out and then headed out of the store and back to Sean's car.

Sean was already back in the car as it had gotten too cold for his frozen ass.

"Back." Trevor said, climbing into the car.

He handed Sean one of the waters and then put his seat belt on, praying to God silently that he wouldn't notice anything. It's not like he was drunk or anything. It had only been enough to take the edge off, but Sean was pretty good at picking up on small differences in people.

Thankfully though, he didn't notice. He was too busy downing water like he hadn't had any in days.

"Stay hydrated, kids." Sean laughed as he closed the bottle.

Trevor managed a small laugh as the car started up again. He ended up falling asleep about ten minutes later as he had pretty much exhausted himself and was too tired to try and keep his eyes open anymore.

Sean let him sleep and just focused on the road. He spent the rest of the drive trying to decide how they could approach the situation. He felt like the first thing that needed to happen was telling Rowan and Brandon. Then he knew they had to find a way to tell Rowan's mom. He sighed quietly.

He knew it wasn't going to be easy. Nothing ever seemed easy for any of them. That was one of the reasons they were all so close. They were all struggling in one way or another. 

As the lights from the airport came into view, Sean decided that tonight he would just focus on keeping Trevor in a decent mood, not wanting the others to start questioning him or making him feel pressured about anything. He was sure Rowan and Brandon knew something was up and he knew Ash and Elisia would pick up on it as well.

The only thing he really knew he could count on, was that the others would be ready to stand up and support Trevor if they knew what was going on. It was just a matter of if and when he could coax him into telling them.


	11. All That You Are, Is Broken Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeehaw. I can't believe this has 11 chapters. I had no intentions of posting a second chapter as I honestly thought no one was looking for tagged fics on here. 💁

"Trev, wake up.. We're here."

Sean reached over and shook him gently. 

Trevor opened his eyes and blinked a few times, then squinted at the bright lights coming from the airport.

They both got out of the car and looked around.

"Outside." Sean texted Elisia.

"I just texted her and said we were here. They might be getting food or something."

Five minutes later, they both came out of the airport and Elisia grinned when she saw them. She ran over, wheeling her suitcase behind her.

"Hi!" She exclaimed, hugging them both at the same time.

"Hey! How was the flight?" Sean asked.

"It was good! Much better than our flight there." She said, then giggled.

"What happened on the flight there?" Sean asked as they hugged Ash.

"Uh.. We were sat next to a last with a baby and the baby barfed on me mid-flight."

"That's fucking nasty. Babies are nasty." Sean laughed.

"Ain't that the truth." Ash agreed, sticking their luggage into the back of Sean's car.

Elisia moved back over to Trevor. She grabbed his hands, squeezing them lightly. 

"You okay? You're so quiet." 

Something about being asked if he was okay always made him feel more emotional than he already felt. It was like a punch in the gut. 

Elisia was always so caring and really good at picking up on people's feelings. Her smile could cheer you up in seconds. Her and Trevor weren't extremely close or anything but she cared about everyone the same, even if she didn't know them real well.

"Yeah.. I'm fine." He smiled softly. "Just have a lot going on, I guess."

"Well, if you want to talk later, I'd be more than willing to listen." She offered.

Trevor let out a slow breath, looking down at their hands. Hers felt so warm, so comforting in his cold, wind-bitten hands.

".. Yeah-.. Yeah, that would be nice." He nodded.

He knew he needed to be better at letting more people in and she was a good start. She was good at listening and always very calm and understanding with people.

"Okay. We can go take a walk later or something after dinner. That sound good?" She asked, pulling him in for another hug.

"Yeah.." 

He closed his eyes for a moment as he hugged her, trying hard not to just lose his shit right there and have another breakdown. He didn't think he had enough energy to cry anymore. 

\----

When they got back to the house, Trevor stood in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter as he watched Rowan and Brandon greet Elisia and Ash with hugs and cheerful words. He wished he felt that excited. He was happy they were back but he was so exhausted he just wanted to sleep. 

"Rowan and I made a bunch of food and it took a very long time so y'all better fucking eat it." Brandon laughed.

"Well, it smells good and we're starving, so it shouldn't be a problem." Ash said, heading for the table.

"Sooo.. How's the relationship anyway?" Elisia grinned.

Brandon blinked and popped the lid off of beer.

"Ha.. Yeah, Rowan.. How's our relationship?" He joked.

Rowan went red and looked at them, blinking.

Brandon held his hands up. "Alright, look." He started.

"There's been some big ass changes whike you two were gone, so I'm just going to lay it out on the table. Rowan's dating Sean now and I am happy to report I finally stopped being a dick and made Trevor my boyfriend." He announced.

Ash nearly choked on his water.

"What?"

Elisia looked at Trevor, then Sean and then Rowan.

"Really?"

Rowan nodded and then took Sean's hand and blushed even deeper.

"Well then! Congrats! Everyone's happy, right?" Ash asked.

"Yep! And the best part is, Rowan and I are still best buds." Brandon said, punching her in the arm gently.

"Oh yeah, you're my best friend." She rolled her eyes but laughed.

"Trevor, I didn't know you liked.. Guys." Elisia said slowly.

"Me? What about Brandon? Did you know he liked guys?"

Ash laughed. "I thought everyone kind of picked up on the bisexual energy from Brandon."

Elisia giggled. "Yeah, I think we all knew about Brandon.. But you, you can be pretty mysterious, Trevor."

Trevor shrugged. "That's me." He laughed nervously.

\----  
After 2 hours of eating and talking, Trevor headed outside of Sean's house to get some air and some quiet. Brandon and Sean were a little bit drunk and were getting to be loud and obnoxious and Ash was slowly on his way to joining them.

He sat on the front steps and looked out toward the houses across the street. All the lights were off. It was near eleven at that point so he figured most people in the neighbourbood were asleep by then.

He was getting lost in thought about other people's lives again when someone suddenly sat beside him. He flinched a bit, having not even heard the front door.

"Just me." Elisia laughed slightly, pulling her knees up to her chest.

He let out a breath and looked back across the street.

".. I still get jumpy, too. You know? When Ash isn't home and I hear a noise. I've almost called the police multiple times only to find out it was just a dish settling in the sink or thr fridge motor running."

He looked at her, crossing his arms on his knees. He laid his head on his arms and sighed.

"You're like the only one to admit that." He said quietly.

"I feel like everyone else has gotten over it and I honestly don't see how. Rowan never talks about it. Brandon hasn't said anything-.. I don't understand. We all went through it." He breathed.

Elisia nodded.

"Yeah.. I guess some people have an easier time getting over things though. It's okay.. I understand how you feel."

".. It's not just that though. I can't blame it all on what happened with The Zoo.."

"What do you mean?"

The wind picked up right then and blew some dead leaves past their shoes. They swirled around like a mini tornado and then blew down down the walkway.

Elisia wrapped her arms around herself tighter and waited for him to continue what he was going to say.

"It's about my dad."

He sat up and unzipped his hoodie, taking it off and putting it around her so she would be warm. It was something his mom had taught him when he was younger, before she left.

"Thanks." Elisia grinned.

When she grinned like that, the dimples in her cheeks would appear and the outer corners of her eyes would crinkle up. It was one of the most genuine and warm smiles he knew. 

"So.. You were saying something about your dad?"

"Right.. Yeah." 

He ran a hand through his hair.

"Things have been really bad between him and I. He knows about Brandon.. He knows I'm gay and-.. He just.. He doesn't approve in the slightest. So, he's been really hard on me." He told her quietly.

".. What do you mean?"

He didn't say anything else, suddenly feeling unable to speak anymore. That weird, uneasy feeling came back to his chest and even though it was freezing out, he felt a wave of heat run through him. The anxiety gnawed at him, made him feel alone even though he wasn't.

She frowned and then scooted closer, taking his hand.

"You don't have to say anything.. I think I know." She whispered.

He looked down at their hands, her thumb gently grazing over the bruises. He hadn't realized how exposed and obvious it was now that his hoodie was off. He had been hiding his hand all day.

He then looked back at her, blinking. His eyes glossed over with unshed tears. 

"Who else knows?"

"Sean. Just Sean." He breathed.

"Are you going to tell Rowan?"

Trevor nodded.

"Yeah.. I just.. I don't really know how. I-.. I know how much her mom loves my dad and I don't want to break the family apart.. Because of me."

Elisia shook her head.

"You can't think of it like that. He's hurting you and.. I don't think Rowan or her mom would take his side about that. They love you, Trevor. You're like the best thing to happen to Rowan. She loves having you as a brother..."

".. But.. What if they don't believe me? What if they think I'm making it up for attention?"

"Trevor.. You're an honest person. And Rowan's not the kind of person to not believe people when they're hurting. I promise it you tell her, she'll believe you and she'll want to help."

He nodded a bit and then closed his eyes. He couldn't really explain how terrified he was to tell Rowan, but Elisia had a point. There was no way she wouldn't believe him.

Right?


	12. When I Erupt, Just Like You Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo look at me posting at a decent hour instead of 7 AM 💁😂

The next morning, Trevor tried to enjoy the most of Sunday morning from bed. feeling lazy after last nights dinner fiasco at Sean's house. After him and Elisia had talked, they had gone back inside and had all played Monopoly, complete with tequila shots, which Trevor didn't touch. It was bad enough he had downed the Vodka in the K-Mart.

He had gotten up, gotten ready and then just ended up back in bed, scrolling endlessly through social media. He knew he should probably do something productive like feed himself, but he was just too damn lazy at the moment.

Someone started knocking at the window and he rolled over to see Brandon standing there, waving and grinning like an idiot.

He quickly got off the bed and made sure his bedroom door was locked, then opened the window and let him in. 

"Hey." Brandon grinned.

"Shh! Wait! Is my dad home?" He hissed.

"Nah, his car wasn't in the driveway."

"Then why'd you come through my window?" 

"I didn't know if Rowan was still asleep."

"Oh.." Trevor let out a breath, relieved.

Brandon sat down on the bed and just grinned at him.

"What? What are you so happy about?" Trevor laughed.

"I just like looking at you."

"Oh, shut up." He whined.

"It's true."

Brandon reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the bed.

Trevor sat beside him and blinked. Something about Brandon always made him nervous. His eyes were so intense sometimes that it could feel suffocating. But not in a bad way, in the best way that he could have ever imagined.

Brandon placed a hand on his side, scooting closer. He then leaned in and kissed him gently, pausing before doing it again. 

Trevor drew in a slow breath and moved his hands to Brandon's shoulders, kissing back, slowly but fully. He still really hadn't done anything with Brandon and he got nervous every time they started kissing, because he knew where it might lead.

Brandon started undoing the buttons on Trevor's shirt, kissing his neck after he would finish with each button. 

Trevor closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. He couldn't decide if he should let this escalate or if he should stop Brandon before things went too far. The truth was, it felt nice, it felt relaxing and calming, the way Brandon was running his hands up his arms, through his hair.

It was fine until Brandon's hand ran up his side and over his ribs.

Trevor gasped and jutted forward, eyes snapping open.

"Fuck."

"What? What happened? Are you okay?"

Brandon instantly drew his hands back, staring at him with wide eyes. 

"Did I hurt yo-.." 

He trailed off as his eyes focused on something he hadn't noticed a few seconds ago. Trevor's shirt was unbuttoned but still on. But he could see shades of blue and purple where the shirt was starting to move to the side.

"Holy shit.."

He reached out, pushing the shirt out of the way. His eyes scanning the large bruised area near his lower left ribs. 

Trevor got off the bed, walking to the other side of the room as he tried to re-do the buttons as fast as he could. 

".. Trevor.. Talk to me. Say something. Did someone do that? Did someone hurt you?" Brandon asked, feeling extremely paranoid.

"Go.. Can you just go?" 

His voice shook as he tried hard to hold everything back. This was not how Brandon was going to find out about things. 

"Go? You want me to go? Why?" 

Brandon stood and walked over to him.

"Trev.. It's me. Talk to me. I care about you.. Let me help."

"You can't help! No one can help! Don't you understand? No matter what I do, someone's life is going to be completely fucked!" He screamed.

Brandon stepped back, blinking quickly.

"What are you talking about? Calm down dude.." 

"No! You don't fucking get it! You don't have any idea what I'm going through!"

"Then fucking tell me, Trevor! I'm not a mind reader! You know, you're really acting like your dad right now."

The words felt ice cold in Trevor's ears. He suddenly could feel the blood rushing through his body and his heart felt like it was going to explode. He had never imagined, not in a million years that he would hear those words come from someone he loved so deeply. Someone he trusted.

He dropped to his knees and at that moment, after hearing those words, he fucking cracked. Like a vase dropping onto old hardwood flooring. He could literally feel himself in the moment, just like that split second before the vase makes contact with the floor. That small ounce of time where you realize it's too late, that there's no saving that fucking vase. Because by the the time you realize that it's been knocked down, that you realize it's falling through the air, it's already too late to catch it. It's already broken.

And he was. He was broken. He was damaged. He cried harder than he ever thought he could, burying his face in his hands. The pain of the words ran through him over and over and nothing could stop it.

"Trevor.. Fuck.. Fuck, I'm sorry! Please don't cry-.. Fuck.."

Brandon panicked, not knowing what to do. He had never seen him like this. He didn't even really know what was happening.

Hard knocks sounded on Trevor's door, from who Brandon could only assume was Rowan. It was.

"What's going on? Brandon? Unlock the door." She said firmly.

Brandon hurried to the door and unlocked it, letting her in.

"Rowan-.. Dude.. Fuck, he's freaking the fuck out! I didn't mean to upset him! We-.. We were in the moment and then I saw.. Rowan, his ribs are all fucking bruised like someone hit him with a baseball bat or some shit! But he won't talk to me and.. We started yelling and I said something about his dad and he just lost it."

He tried to say everything quickly, holding his hands up in innocence. He didn't want Rowan to start slapping him or chewing him out.

"I-.. Okay.. Okay. I hear you. Relax." She said.

She walked over to Trevor and knelt down.

"What's going on? Trevor?"

He looked at her, his eyes red and still pouring what felt like an endless amount of tears.

"He hurts me.." He admitted.

"Who? Brandon?" She stared.

"No!.. No.. My dad.. Rowan.. It's my dad."

The room went absolutely silent as they all kind of just looked back and forth between each other.

Brandon walked over, kneeling down by them.

"Trevor.. How long has this been happening?"

"Since he found out that I'm gay.. When he saw the photo of you and I.. From that night." He breathed.

Rowan wiped at her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me? Or tell anyone?"

"I did-.. I mean-.. Sean knew.. Only because he's so fucking good at getting people to spit out their problems... And then I kind of admitted it to Elisia last night.. And I didn't want either of them to say anything.. I wanted to tell you both sooner, I did. But with Sean and Elisia.. It doesn't affect them! Rowan, this could ruin everything." 

"What do you mean?"

"He'll get taken away and your mom will hate me.. She'll move with you.. And I'll have no family again. She'll blame me for all of this. You both will!"

She shook her head.

"No. That's bullshit. My mom loves you. She wouldn't stick up for him. There's no way.. She wouldn't. We have to tell her."

"Yeah.. Dude.. He needs to be in fucking jail. It's one thing to assault a random person, but your own fucking kid? That's so fucked up." Brandon breathed.

"We love you.. And-... We're going to fix this. We're not going to let him hurt you anymore." Rowan said, trying to sound strong.

She wanted to be strong, but learning about all this was so hard. Knowing that this man had been living in their house, having dinner with them, watching TV with them, all the while he was secretly abusing his own son. And she hasn't even known.

The room fell silent again, so Brandon just hugged them both at the same time. Things had changed the last few weeks, things were still changing. But he knew he would never stop caring about either of them. He was damn sure if it.


	13. Blue And Red Lights Come Take You Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer than the last few have been. I got carried away and just kept writing. Enjoy it. ✌

Time felt like it was going so slow as the three of them waited for Rowan's mom to get home from work. Rowan had texted her and told her to come home early, that it was urgent.

They were still in Trevor's room, the three of them tangled on the bed. Brandon with his arms around Trevor and Rowan holding his hand, staring at the ceiling. He had cried so much that all he could do now was just lay there, letting them comfort him the best they could. 

Brandon rested his chin on Trevor's shoulder and let out a breath.

"She'll be here soon, right, Ro'?"

"Yeah.. Any minute, probably.. Unless traffic was bad." She said quietly.

The next 3 hours were almost a blur. She had come home and Rowan had approached her first, telling her that she needed to stay calm and just listen to what she was going to be told.

The four of them sat in the livingroom and it took a few moments, but Trevor finally told her. And even though he was the victim, even though he had been suffering, he still apologized. He cried and he told her how sorry he was, how he knew it wasn't fair and not what she wanted to hear.

Brandon showed Rowan's mom his wrist and the bruises on his ribs, then they silently waited for her to say something.

She sat there, her eyes steadily filling with tears. Her hands were pressed together and she stared off at the wall. She was so still that Rowan thought she was just going to ignore everything they just told her.

Instead, she finally sat up straight and looked at Trevor, shaking her head.

"Come here.." She breathed, her voice wavering.

He blinked and slowly moved over to sit beside her, surprised when she wrapped her arms around him gently.

"Don't you be sorry for anything. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm so, so sorry.. How did I not notice?"

"None of us really noticed. He was hiding it pretty well" Brandon said quietly.

"Well.. Look. Whatever relationship I had with him? It's over. And I want you to know that it changes nothing for you.. You are my son and you are so loved."

Trevor felt every single ounce of fear and anxiety let go and disappear. He finally felt so light and relaxed. He let out a breath he didn't even realize he had been holding and just nodded.

".. I-.. I love you, too.." He whispered.

It was the first time he had said that to her. It was awkward. The words felt and sounded weird, almost foreign to him. But they also felt more right than anything had in a long time. 

After that, her mom had called the police and reported Trevor's dad, explained what he had been doing and that there was evidence. 

Trevor stayed in his room with Brandon and Rowan as the police started to show up to wait for his dad to get home. When he finally did get back home, he was arrested and taken away in one of the cars.

\----

Trevor rested his forehead against the door of his locker, sighing. It was Monday, he'd barely slept after everything that had happened the night before and it felt like everyone knew and was staring at him. He could hear students mumbling and whispering as they walked by him.

He shoved some books in the locker, then headed outside for lunch, not wanting to be around everyone in the cafeteria. He found an empty table under a tree and sat down, letting out a breath. Rowan had insisted that he stay home but he was already letting his grades slip and didn't want to miss any School.

He looked down at the table, staring at how the paint was chipping away from the wood in areas. There were a few words carved on the top, including a heart with the inititals 'S + H' inside. Trevor snorted to himself, remembering when Sean had carved that in when him and Hailey had been together. He knew they wouldn't last and it wasn't anything against either of them, but he had known that Hailey was going to break and run away eventually, and she did. He envied it in a way, the way she was now having a drama free life.

"Hey you.."

Trevor snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. Elisia was standing there, nervously playing with the straps on her backpack.

"Hey.." He said.

She sat beside him and frowned a bit.

"I heard-.. I'm sorry. I know you probably don't want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know that I'm proud of you for saying something.. And I'm here for you." She said softly.

He looked at her, biting his lip.

"Do you wanna' ditch?"

She blinked. "Now?"

"Yeah, now. Let's just go somewhere. Right now. Anywhere."

Elisia looked around to see how many people were present, if anyone was watching them.

She then cracked a grin.

"Okay.. Let's do it." She agreed, standing up.

They hurried across the field, cut through the fence and ran through the parking lot to Elisia's car, both of them laughing when they were finally inside.

"We madddeee it!" She sang, starting the car.

"Alright. Where are we going?" He asked.

".. Wanna' go to the lake? We can stop at our houses and change, grab some essentials and then go."

"Lets do it."

"Yay! Road trip!" She exclaimed.

\----  
After a quick stop at their houses to change, pack some food, sunscreen and bug repellent, they got on the road and made the two hour drive to the lake.

"Where tf are u??? U ok?" Rowan texted him.

"Uhhh spontaneous road trip?" He texted back.

"Ok. Tell me later. Mrs. Johnson is gonna' have a cow if I take my phone out again." 

Trevor laughed quietly, then looked at the road. The scenery had changed so much. At first it had been so much desert, so much brown and tan and beige. Now either side of the street was lined with tall, green pine trees. The sun was weaving through them, casting shadows on the road.

When they finally arrived, Elisia grabbed his hand and pulled him through a path of trees and rocks. It wasn't a long walk, maybe half a mile, before they got to the clearing and were staring out at the lake.

It wasn't the largest lake in New Mexico, but it felt more cozy that way, the trees circling around the circular, deep blue mass of water.

"Wow.." He breathed.

"Have you not been to this one before?" She asked as she tied her hair up in a ponytail.

"No.. I've only been the lake up North.. You know? The one with no trees?" He laughed.

She smirked and then walked along the dock. He followed behind, looking down at the water. It was dark, so dark that it almost looked black. It kind of made him nervous, reminded him of a black hole. He wondered if he jumped in, if it would just pull him down into an abyss of never ending darkness.

Elisia dipped a foot in the water.

"It's not that cold." 

She then pulled off the long t shirt she had been wearing and threw it down onto the dock. Her bikini couldn't have been any more her. It was all black, skull print top that tied around her neck and her back. The bottoms were slightly high waisted, stopping just below her belly button.

Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare.

He quickly looked up at the sky, feeling awkward. 

She suddenly jumped off the dock, screaming loudly with excitement, before plunging into the water. She was a pretty quiet person, but her screams could make you deaf for a good five minutes.

Trevor stared at the water, waiting anxiously for her to surface. It was probably only five seconds, but for some reason, to him, it felt like 10 minutes and he panicked.

"Lees? Elisia!" He yelled.

She came up above and splashed him. 

"Boo!" She shouted.

"Jesus." He breathed, laughing nervously.

"Get in!" She exclaimed, waving her hands toward her.

"Okay, okay. Move back."

"Ooo a show off." She joked, swimming out of the way.

He went to pull off his shirt, but remembered the bruises and felt kinda' awkward about them, so instead he left it on. He backed up, then ran and jumped off the edge of the dock. As he went under, he could hear the water rushing around him, could feel his body become lighter, almost weightless.

When he surfaced, he coughed and pushed his hair out of his eyes, looking at her. He didn't even think about it, but he was grinning.

She smiled.

"It's good to see you happy." 

He blinked, then looked around them before looking back at her.

"It feels good to be happy." He breathed, leaning back against the water, his arms out wide.

"We need to do this more."

"Skip school and jump into semi-cold water?" She laughed.

He laughed.

"Not quite. I just.. I mean, we should spend more time together." 

She nodded, swimming closer to him.

"I agree with that.. Hey, do you trust me?" She asked, pulling her hair down.

"Of course. Why?" He asked.

"Hold your breath."

She grabbed his hands and pulled him underwater.

The sun was at just the right angle that once they were under, it illuminated everything. He could see things at the bottom of the lake, just a couple of feet below them. There were some old toys, loose change, some car keys and a drone. Trevor tried not to laugh, thinking about the person who had to watch as their drone stopped mid-flight and plunged into the water.

He then looked at her, watching as she gracefully moved her arms to keep herself under. The sun lit up her eyes like crystals and there was something about the way her hair was floating all around her that made Trevor stare.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him back up, taking a huge breath when they were back in open air.

"Pretty cool, huh? All the random junk down there? Little peices of other people's lives."

He nodded.

"We should do that."

"Do what?" She asked.

".. Drop something down there.. So if other people go look, there's a piece of our lives down there as well."

"Let me see what I have." 

She swam back to the dock and hopped up onto it, opening her bag.

"I have this stupid keychain I bought at the mall." She laughed. "It says 'Badass'.. I thought it was so edgy."

Trevor laughed, holding onto the edge of the dock as he watched her.

"Do you have anything I can stick on the keyring?" She asked.

He pulled his bag toward him.

"You're in luck. I too have an edgy keychain."

He grabbed his keys out of the bag and moved them around, unhooking a keychain that had a fake lighter attatched to it.

"Is that real?"

"No, it's totally phoney. I just thought it was 'cool'.." He smirked, handing it to her.

She linked them together and slipped back into the water gracefully.

They swam back out away from the dock and then Elisia dropped them into the water, watching as they slowly sank down to the bottom. He watched as well, wondering what other people would think when they saw them.

As they both went to look back up, they smacked foreheads, not realizing how close to eachother they were.

"Ow. Sorry." He laughed.

She grabbed his shoulders, snorting with laughter.

"Askill, you are a walking hazard." She joked.

He laughed and didn't even deny it. He was clumsy, very clumsy and he knew it. He then noticed that the sky around them had suddenly started to fade and then sun was beginning to sink behind the trees.

"It's gonna' get cold." He said quietly.

"Yeah.. Guess we should start heading back before it gets totally creepy out here.. Zoo or no zoo, I don't want to get attacked by a real ass bear."

They got back onto the dock, both of them trying to dry off with towels as quickly as they could. Elisia pulled her shirt back on when she felt dry enough, then started ringing out her hair.

She couldn't help but stare at the bruises as Trevor changed into a dry shirt that he had in his bag.

".. Did you ever get that looked at?" She asked quietly.

"What? Oh-.. Uhm, no. I mean.. It doesn't really hurt that bad anymore, so I guess it's healing." He shrugged.

She nodded silently, not really wanting to ruin his mood by talking about his dad or anything. She slung her bag over her shoulder as they started walking back down the dock, toward the trees.

"Wait.." He said.

"What?" She stopped.

".. Can we-.. Do you wanna-.. Can I take a photo?" He asked.

She nodded, smiling widely, making the corners of her eyes crinkle up again. He took out his phone and stood behind her, holding it out in front of them with one hand, while his other arm wrapped around the front of her shoulders, just below her neck. 

"Okay, grin." He told her.

They both did, grinned hard, all teeth, eyes squinting. Anyone could have looked at that photo and known it was true happiness they were feeling. Anyone could have pointed out that they were clearly having an amazing day. 

"Perfect. Make sure to send it to me later. I'll print it out and stick it in a frame that says 'Badass Crew'." She joked.

Trevor laughed. "I dare you."

The two of them then headed back to her car. For some reason, he expected things to change, for the mood to die down just as it usually did on family vacations. The drive home had always been his dad annoyed, his mom complaining of a migraine and himself in the back, feeling sad because he was the only one still in the moment of whatever exciting adventure they had done for the day.

But this was different. Elisia turned on the radio and started singing/screaming the lyrics, trying not to laugh as she knew it sounded ridiculous.

He turned the volume up a little more, then to her surprise, started singing along with her, drumming at the air as if he was holding actual drumsticks.

"Yes!! Get it!" She yelled.

Even though the drive was two hours, they didn't stop having a good time. They sang, they talked, they stopped at a run down diner halfway home and had what Elisia declared were the best milkshakes in the world.

For once, even if it was just for that one single day, Trevor had been happier than he'd been in years. He was living in the moment and he was sure that there was nothing that could ruin it.


	14. When The Memories Bend, I'll See You At The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy how are all the lovely people doing today? I just swatched 10 different lipsticks and now my lips feel like cracked pavement. On that note, enjoy the chapter. 👍

It was nearly 8 PM when Elisia and Trevor got back into town. The roads were pretty empty, pretty quiet. There definitely was not a lot of people around, which Trevor always found real eerie about the suburbs.

"Are you dropping me off or do you wanna hang for a bit?" He asked.

"I would love to, but I think we both know we should focus on our homework.. You know, since we ditched School." She laughed.

"Yeah, you're right. I forgot about School." He made a face.

"Well, let's do something on the weekend. Another road trip.. How about an all weekend trip? We can leave Friday afternoon, drive to California, have all of Saturday and Sunday morning, then make it back here a few hours before School on Monday."

"California?.. How long of a drive is it?" He asked.

"About thirteen hours, maybe twelve depending on traffic. What do you say? Feeling adventurous?" She grinned.

He bit at his lip for a moment, then grinned.

"Okay, let's do it. Friday afternoon." He said.

She nodded as she pulled up along the curb, then waved as he hopped out of the car and headed into the house.

Rowan was in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter and texting when Trevor walked in.

She looked up.

"Hey, you're home. Where'd you go today?" She asked, putting her phone down.

"Elisia and I went to the lake. It was great. No one else was there and the water was actually pretty warm and-.. Hey did you know there's all this junk at the bottom? Like random things that have fallen out of people's pockets.. And toys that kids have dropped."

She blinked and shook her head.

"No, I had no idea.. Sounds like you had a good time though." She smiled.

"Yeah, then we ate at this totally creepy Diner in the middle of nowhere, but the food was really good.. Oh-.. Are you mad I ditched School?" He asked quickly.

"What? No?.. No, I mean.. It's one day of School. I'm not gonna' get all parent-y on you." She laughed.

"We're going to California. Next weekend. We're gonna' drive."

Rowan blinked. "You and Elisia?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

She raised an eyebrow but nodded. 

"Okay then.. Sounds fun."

"What?.. You look surprised."

"I just didn't know you were real close with Elisia or anything. I don't think I've ever seen you two hang out." She laughed.

"Oh.. Yeah, well, it's kind of a recent thing.. She kind of gave me courage to say something about my dad.. And she's just really understanding. I mean-.. So are you! Everyone has been.. It's just.. She doesn't have either of her parents.. And.. Now I don't either.. You know?"

Rowan nodded. 

"I get it.. I'm not mad or anything. I just hadn't realized you guys were bonding. It's nice.. It's good to form close friendships with people. She's a good person."

He nodded. "So are you.. You know.. We should have a sibling adventure. What do you say we go do something tomorrow after School? Just us?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Sounds good. What do you wanna' do?"

"Wanna' check out a museum?"

Rowan looked surprised again.

"Trevor Askill.. Wants to go to a museum. This is breaking news." She joked.

"What? I like historical shit." He laughed.

".. 'Historical shit'..Classy." She snorted.

"But yeah, let's go to a museum."

\----  
Later that night as he got settled in bed, he grabbed his phone from the nightstand and went to the gallery, tapping on the last photo he had taken. The one of him and Elisia.

He hated taking photos, but this one made him happy, made him replay the day in his head, thinking about how it had gone by so fast but so slowly all that the same time. He thought of the way her hair looked underwater, the way it cascaded around her shoulders, the sun hitting it and making it glow a golden bronze.

He sent her the photo as she had asked, then exited out and went to his unread messages. There was three from Brandon and one from Sean.

Brandon's included: "Hey, are u still at Schoo?", "Nvm, Rowan says u ditched. U good?" and "I'm heading to sleep. Love u."

The last text was sent just a few minutes ago. He bit his lip, staring up at the ceiling. He loved Brandon, he really, really did. So why did he have do much hesitation on texting him bac?

After a few minutes of debating, he finally did.

"Love you, too. Sorry, was gone all day. See you at School tomorrow." He replied.

He then opened Sean's text and blinked.

"Dude where are you? I need to talk to you." 

It had been sent hours ago and he wasn't sure what it was about. It's not like the message was very descriptive.

"I was out all day. You good?"

To his surprise, Sean replied right away.

"Not really. I know it's kind of late, but can we talk? Like, in person?"

"Yeah. You want me to come over?"

"No, it's okay. I'll come over there. See you in ten."

Trevor rubbed his eyes and just continued laying there, wondering silently what this was about. Sean didn't sound angry in the messages, just kinda' urgent and ancy about whatever it was.

He flinched slightly when Sean tapped on his window, having started to slightly drift off to sleep. He rolled over and got off the bed, letting him in.

"Hey." Trevor said quietly.

"Hey.. Sorry, I know it's late but, man, this has been bothering me all day and I didn't want to tell anyone else about it yet."

"Okay.." 

Trevor sat back down on the bed and Sean sat beside him.

"Is Rowan asleep?"

"Yeah.. I think so.. She's always asleep hours before me." Trevor shrugged.

"Okay.."

Sean twisted his hands nervously for a moment, staring at the carpet. 

"I.. Think I messed up. With Rowan.. Look, please don't be mad. I just.. I think I rushed into things with her too quickly and lately all I can think about is how much I miss Hailey and I feel like I should still be together with her.. I feel like we never truly ended things when she ran off to California."

Trevor blinked at him.

"So, you're going to break up with Rowan?"

"Dude, I don't know if I'm seriously in love with her or I'm just fucking lonely.. And she's just.. So nice to me and she makes me happy.. But-.. That doesn't mean it's right.. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Kind of?"

"I'm saying.. I think it's wrong of me to be with her if I'm not sure of the reason for it. I'm sorry.. I'm not trying to hurt her."

"Yeah.. I know." Trevor sighed.

"Look, just.. Explain it to her the way you explained it to me. I think she'll get it. She knows you miss Hailey and she knows you loved her.. Or.. Love her."

"Okay.. So, you aren't mad?"

"No.. I mean.." He shrugged. "It is what it is. I know you didn't like.. Intend on this."

Sean nodded, then stood up. 

"I'll talk to her tomorrow.. Thanks for listening.. I just-.. I wanted you to know.. I didn't want you to think I'm a shitty person when it ends."

Trevor laid back down.

"You're not a shitty person. We can't help the way we feel.. And sometimes we can't help the things we do in the moment.." He said quietly.

"What?"

Trevor looked at him.

"I mean when you first kissed Rowan.."

"Oh.. Yeah.. You're right. It's so easy to get lost in a moment.. I guess it doesn't mean you actually love someone.." He frowned.

"Anyway.. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that, he headed back out the window and went back home.

Trevor laid there for an hour, unable to go to sleep after what Sean said about getting lost in a moment. How you can feel something one minute and the next feel nothing. He let out a breath and curled up, staring at the clock.

\----

"Where are u?? I'm at home waiting u turd."

Trevor had been home from School for an hour and was waiting for Rowan to get back so they could head to a museum and then get food. 

Rowan didn't have after school activities or classes so he had no idea where she was or why she wasn't texting back. 

He was about to text her in all caps when she walked through the door, shutting it loudly. She turned and looked at him. He blinked, surprised at the mascara-streaked tears on her cheeks, the way her eyes were red and the way she looked so broken. Rowan never looked broken.

"Shit.. Are you okay?" He stood up.

"No."

She crossed her arms and leaned back against the door, sniffling quietly.

"Sean broke up with me. Like.. Out of nowhere.. Says he still loves Hailey and that he wants to wait for her to come back to him." She laughed slightly.

"She is so not coming back to this hell hole of a city, Trevor. Why is he holding on to it?"

Trevor shrugged a bit.

"Why did I hold on to my feelings for Brandon? And my hope that him and I would end up together? Nothing's impossible.." He said quietly.

She blinked.

"Brandon didn't move to California."

"No, but.. Still." He shrugged.

"Okay, well, none of that makes me feel better you dick." She laughed slightly and wiped her eyes.

"Okay.. Is there where you make me buy you ice cream?"

"Yes."

He laughed sympathetically and went over to her, pulling her into a hug.

"Okay. I'll buy you ice cream."

\----

A half hour later, after Rowan had washed her face and Trevor had searched for his wallet, they finally left the house and went into town.

He bought her ice cream and they walked slowly past all the shops, silently, until she wanted to talk.

"Did you know? That he was going to break up with me?"

"Yeah.." He sighed. 

"Last night he came over.. He was really upset and he kept saying how he didn't want to hurt you but how it wasn't fair to you to stay together just because he's lonely."

She looked at him.

"I get it.. I do and I feel bad for him. I can't imagine what that feels like to have the person you love just take off and move almost a thousand miles away." She breathed.

Yeah.. I think he's more upset than he lets on." Trevor said quietly.

Rowan frowned.

"I wish Hailey would talk to him.. To us.. I mean, when she said she wanted to get away from everything, I thought she meant The Zoo, the drama with her mom.. But not us.. I thought she was my best friend."

"She is. Maybe she just needs more time. I still get jumpy at night.. Or when I'm alone. It's not something you get over in a week. We were stalked, Rowan.. Threatened.. Manipulated and even blackmailed."

"Yeah, I know.. I know.." She trailed off.

"Oh, you should tell Hailey that you and Elisia are going to California.. Maybe she might want to see you two."

Trevor shrugged. "I don't want to pressure her or anything."

"It's not pressuring her. Just tell her you'll be out there."

"Alright.. Guess it wouldn't hurt." 

"Hey, are you mad at Brandon?" She asked suddenly.

"What? Why?"

"He told me you haven't been talking to him much and he basically hasn't seen you since the evening your dad-.. You know."

"Oh-.. Uh-.. No, I'm not mad at him." He said slowly.

He wasn't. Not exactly. More like upset and hurt. Hurt that Brandon had said he had been acting like his dad. He wasn't sure how long it was going to take to get over that but he knew he wanted to confront him about it and let him know that it hurt him.

He hated confronting people and he held out a small hope that maybe Brandon had already figured it out.


	15. I Miss Everything We Do, I'm Half A Heart Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And in this chapter we see a softer side of Sean and his feelings. Also the next few chapters are going to be FUN because I actually live in California so that shiz is gonna' be detailed. ✌ Enjoy folks

Later that night while Trevor was at his desk, trying to figure out algebra problems, Brandon showed up and knocked on the window.

Trevor turned his head and blinked. He went and let him in.

"What are you doing here?"

Brandon blinked, surprised.

"Nice to see you, too. Jeez, I missed you and you haven't really been answering your phone."

"I've been busy.. I have homework. And Sean broke up with Rowan and she's been upset, so I was spending time with her."

"Yeah, I heard. Sean told me. Said it w as about Hailey or something."

Trevor nodded and sat back down on the chair, not really knowing what else to say.

"Are we okay?" Brandon asked quietly.

"Are we.. Even.. A 'we'?" 

"What? Of course.. I mean-.. We are, aren't we? Together?"

"I don't know, neither of us really ever made it official or anything.. So.."

"Look, Trev'.. I know it's weird and I know you probably think that I'm not a hundred percent into this or something but I am. I love you and I want you to be my boyfriend."

"I want a boyfriend who doesn't say shitty things.. Like that I act like my dad." Trevor breathed.

Brandon let out a slow breath, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I didn't mean that-.. I just.. You were yelling and upset and I didn't know what to do and I got frustrated.. You're not like your dad, Trevor. Not even close. I'm sorry I said that.. Will you forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive you.. But.." He trailed off.

"But what? I love you.. And I thought that you loved me.. You were the one longing to be with me for months.. What changed?"

"I don't really know.. I just don't feel certain about anything right now."

"What so you mean?"

"Us.. My future, your future.. What's going to happen with my dad.. If we're going to move to a different house.."

"Okay.. So what are you saying?"

"I-.. I don't know. I'm tired, sorry. I'm not making much sense."

Brandon walked over and hugged him around the shoulders, kissing him on the top of the head softly.

"I love you, Trevor. Whatever you go through or are going through.. I'm here for you and I'll always be by your side." He whispered.

Trevor reached up, placing his hands on Brandom's arm as he looked up at him.

"I love you, too.." He breathed.

He then stood up, pulling Brandon close and kissing him. Brandon was surprised but kissed back, moving his hands to Trevor's waist.

"Are your ribs okay? I don't want to hurt you."

"Yeah, I'm fine.. Don't worry.. Just kiss me." He giggled.

Brandon smiled softly, then kissed him again before leading him over to the bed. He sat and pulled him down beside him, pulling off his shirt, wondering if this was going to lead anywhere this time.

Trevor was nervous as they still hadn't done anything more than make out. He wanted to go farther, wanted Brandon to know he wasn't afraid or anything. He was just nervous about it. All he could think of was their 'night' together last year and he didn't want it to be different this time. He longed for it to feel the same.

But neither of them were drunk. Trevor didn't really know where to put his hands, so one was on the bed and the other was on the side of Brandon's arm. They continued kissing each other for awhile, before Brandon pushed him back so he was laying down.

"Is this okay?.." He asked softly.

Trevor nodded. "Yes.." 

"Okay."

Brandon moved a hand down to Trevor's hip, still kissing him, starting to pick up the pace.

Trevor's heart started beating faster and not in the way he wanted it to. He suddenly felt totally terrified. He had expected to feel relaxed and in the moment, but everything felt wrong and he didn't know why.

"Wait, stop.." He sat up.

"Okay.. Are you okay? Did I do something?"

"No.. No, it's not you.. I just-.."

"You're scared.. It's okay.. We don't have to do anything.."

Trevor let out a breath.

"I'm sorry. I know you probably keep getting your hopes up and I keep disappointing you.. I just.. I feel uncomfortable.. And.. Not ready."

Brandon frowned.

"Is it because of me? Do I make you uncomfortable?" He asked quietly.

"No.. It's not you. I just.. Look, I've sex once. And it was with you.. But we were both drunk and I was relaxed and everything just happened so easily and effortlessly and-.. I don't actually know how to.. Do any of this without feeling nervous and terrified."

Brandon blinked and then frowned.

".. Hey.. It's alright. You don't have to force yourself to be ready or anything. I'm happy spending time with you.. No matter what we're doing.." He said, pulling his shirt back on.

Trevor nodded silently as he grabbed his own shirt and pulled it back on.

"Seriously.. Don't feel bad. I don't care what we do as long as I'm with you." Brandon said softly.

He then laid down beside Trevor and snuggled up to him, laying an arm over his waist and closing his eyes.

"This is perfect.. Just this." He breathed.

Trevor smiled softly, laying his head against Brandon's shoulder.

\----  
Sean was spending his late night at The Grotto. There was pretty much no one else around except for a couple sitting at the bottom of the skate bowl, making out.

He sighed and leaned back against the wall, up on the ledge of his usual spot. It felt weird to be there alone. He was usually with Trevor or Brandon, sometimes both. It hadn't been like that lately with everything that had been going on.

He took his phone out and scrolled through his contacts. He found Hailey and started typing a message.

"I know you haven't replied to any of my messages in months. But.. I want you to know that however long it takes, I will wait for you.. And when you're ready to come back here, to me, I will love you better than I ever loved you before."

He sent the message, then set his phone down and looked up at the slivers of light from the moon coming through some of the broken windows in the roof. He didn't consider himself overly religious but he silently prayed that she would reply, even if if was just a fucking emoji. He would give a kidney for an emoji.

He then looked over at some scribbled writing on the wall behind him. It was just usual teenage blabber. Stuff like "Fuck school", "Life blows" and "don't do drugs". But above all of that there was a pink heart, done with nail polish. He remembered the day Hailey had done that, saying that he could think of her everytime he went and sat up there.

He traced his fingers over it lightly then let out a breath. He grabbed his phone and got up, wiping his eyes quickly on his sleeve before heading down the ledge and back outside.

Sean walked to Rowan's house and hopped the fence, going around back to her window. He tapped on it softly and waited.

Rowan pushed open the window, standing there in black pajama shorts and an old shirt or Hailey's. He stared at it and she looked at him, then frowned.

".. I miss her, too." Rowan whispered.

She stepped back and gestured for him to come inside.

".. I fucked up a lot, Rowan.. I wasn't good to Nicki.. And she's gone forever. I wasn't the best to Hailey-.. And I don't even know if she's alive. No one ever hears from her.. I miss her so much and.. I-.. I don't want to lose you, too.. Even if just as a friend.." He breathed.

Rowan raised her eyebrows a bit, surprised to see him get so serious and emotional about something. She pulled him into a hug, placing both her hands on his back.

".. You're my friend, always, Sean. I don't care if we aren't together.. We don't need to be.. I know you've been hurting and-.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry Hailey left."

He shut his eyes, hugging her tightly as he cried silently. She frowned, hearing the uneveness in his breathing. She knew he was crying, even if it wasn't audible. She moved one hand from his back, placing it in his hair, continuing to hold him close.

".. It's okay." She whispered.

"Here.. Come sit." 

She broke the hug, but took his hand and pulled him over to the bed. They both sat back against the pillows and she placed an arm around him, allowing his head to fall onto her shoulder.

"She loves you.. And one day she'll come back. I know it."

\----  
"Hey, hey. You packed and ready for later?"

The week had gone by fairly slowly but now it was Friday morning and Trevor had woken up to that text from Elisia.

"I have not packed, in typical Trevor style. But, I am so ready."

Elisia replied back with a bunch of cry-laughing emojis, then added a quick "Can't wait!"

Trevor was pretty sure School couldn't have gone any slower. He was watching the clock in each classroom, barely paying attention to what he was supposed to be doing. When the last bell rang, he practically ran down the hall and out the doors. 

When he got back to the house, he quickly packed what he needed to bring for himself in a duffel bag, then grabbed his wallet and phone.

"Hey." Rowan walked into his room.

"You leaving now?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'll see you Monday morning."

"Okay. Have fun. Mom knows?"

"Yes, mom knows."

She hugged him. 

"Send me photos."

"I will. Promise. Love you."

"Love you, too. Be safe."

"We will." 

He smiled softly then picked up his bag and headed out the front door. He walked to Elisia and Ash's apartment and knocked on the front door.

While he waited for someone to answer, he quickly texted Brandon.

"Leaving now. See you Monday. Love you."

"Love you. Have fun B!!!"

Trevor smiled softly to himself, then looked up as Ash opened the door.

"Hey, come in.. She's just grabbing her stuff."

Trevor headed inside and sat on the couch.

"What area are you guys heading to?"

"Probably Los Angeles. We were texting about it and we wanted to go to San Francisco but it would take an extra seven or eight hours.. So.. We're pretty sure we're just going to hang out around LA... Maybe go to Long Beach and tour The Queen Mary."

"What's that?"

"The Queen Mary is a huge haunted ship. It used to sail all around the North Atlantic ocean.. And it carried soldiers during the war." He explained.

"And it's haunted?"

"Yeah, super haunted.. People say they are ghosts and hear footsteps and other weird noises. It's also a hotel now.. So guests are always sharing their stories online."

"That sounds pretty rad. Elisia's really into stuff like that.. Hey, watch over her, okay? If anything happens, you call me."

Trevor nodded.

"I shall be the protector."

"Alright." 

Ash high-fived him just as Elisia walked into the room, rolling a small suitcase behind her. Her hair was down and wavy now. It had been in a braid all day at school. He had noticed and Trevor usually never noticed things like that.

"Ready?" She grinned.

"Ready!" He exclaimed.

She hugged Ash, then kissed him. 

"Love you."

"Love you. Be safe. Don't drive through any shady looking cities."

"No promises." She laughed.

With that, they both headed out the front door and shoved their bags into the backseat before climbing into the front.

"Alright.. And another Elisia and Trevor road trip begins." She announced, starting the car.

".. You think we'll have a lot of road trips?" He asked.

"Definitely."

She then smiled and Trevor swore, for a second, maybe even just half a second, he felt this weird rush of butterflies in his stomach and he didn't know if it was because he was excited about the unknown or because the more they hung out, the more he couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was.


	16. I Want You, To Want Me, Why Don't We Rely On Chemistry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting in the next few chapters, I'll be adding small playlists to go with them so you can listen to what I listened to while I wrote the chapter so you can feel the scene better. Time for emo hours with Amy 💁  
> (Sorry this one is a little short, it was going to be longer but my back is killing me and I just want to sleep 🙏)

"Hey.." Rowan said, walking into her room.

Sean was still on her bed, curled up in her dark purple blanket, curls falling in front of his eyes. He hadn't really slept and was still upset about Hailey, especially since she still hadn't texted back, so he had decided to skip school.

"Hey.." He breathed.

".. Feel any better?" She asked.

He shrugged. 

"She never texted back.. She never does."

"She might have a new phone number.. Maybe she doesn't have a phone anymore at all."

"And let me guess.. She doesn't have email either? No Flash Snap? Facebook? It's like she doesn't exist anymore, Rowan."

"I know.."

She put her backpack down and sat on the edge of the bed. 

"You know what really sucks? Trevor told me about the trip the other day.. The one he just left for... He didn't even ask if I wanted to come.. I mean, it's California. That's where she is!"

"Yeah, but.. We don't know where in California.. They're going to Los Angeles.. For all we know, Hailey's grandma lives in Oakland or San Jose.."

"Still.." He shrugged.

"Don't be mad at Trevor.."

"I'm not.. It just sucks. Everything sucks."

"Hey.. Don't talk like that. I know you love Hailey.. I know you miss her. But you have so many wonderful people in your life that want to talk with you and spend time with you. The more you think about her.. The more you'll just dwell on things.. The more down you'll feel."

"I can't imagine never talking to her again.. I just can't.."

"Listen to me. If Hailey loves you.. And I know she does, she will come back to you. I have a really strong feeling that her being gone won't last forever."

"I hope you're right." Sean said quietly.

\----  
It was nearly seven hours on the road before Elisia suddenly squealed with excitement.

"Look! We're out! Bye, New Mexico!" She exclaimed.

Trevor watched as they went by a sign that declared they were 'Now Leaving New Mexico' and he suddenly felt a new sense of anxiousness and excitement. He had never been out of the state, especially not on a road trip, a kind of not-so-thoughtfully-planned road trip with someone he'd only recently bonded with.

Elisia started to look along the road for something and then pulled over when she saw another sign approaching.

'Welcome To Arizona - The Grand Canyon State' 

"Lets take photos." She grinned.

She grabbed a camera from her purse, a really nice camera. It looked like the kind real photographers used. It wasn't super huge but it had a nice lens and lots of buttons and a touch screen.

"Wow.. When did you get that?" He asked as they got out of the car.

"Ash. He bought it for me on my birthday. He said photography might be a good hobby for me. I don't know if I'm all that good at it though." She laughed.

She then handed the camera to him and went over to the sign, leaning back against the pole and raising one hand to point up at the big white letters. Trevor took the photo and then she moved into a different pose, leaning sideways against the sign and grinning, resting the top of her hand under her chin. He couldn't help but smile softly as he clicked the button to take another photo.

"Okay, now you!"

He gave her the camera and walked over to the sign.

"What do I do?" He laughed.

"Throw me a peace sign." She giggled.

He held up both hands, doing double peace signs and grinning widely. 

"Perfect." She laughed.

She then turned on the timer and propped it up on a rock, trying to angle it so the sign was in the frame. 

"We got fifteen seconds!" She yelled, running over to him.

To his surprise, she ran behind him and jumped onto his back.

"Holy shit!" He laughed, grabbing under her knees quickly to hold her

She placed her arms loosely around his shoulders and they both grinned just a few seconds before the camera went off. She then hopped down and ran over, grabbing the camera and flicked through the photos. He followed her and looked over her shoulder. When she got to the photo of both of them, he smiled softly.

"Perfect." He said.

"Yeah, it turned out good!" She grinned at him.

They then got back into the car and she started to drive again, feeling happy that things were going so well and they were already making memories and taking photos.

"So, we're like.. Halfway there, right?"

"Yeah, just about. We'll get there around two or three in the morning, I think.. Maybe a little earlier."

".. You think we'll be tired? Or do you want to find food? Explore?"

"If we're not tired, we're definitely getting food." She laughed.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Okay, so.. You know how I'm with Brandon?" He started, then paused to roll the window up.

"Yeah." She nodded.

".. I don't know how to.. Do things like this with him."

"What do you mean?"

"Well.. I like to do.. Things outdoors, you know? Go out and explore and shit and it's something I can only do with Rowan or my friends.. Because he just doesn't seem interested. Him and I don't go out and do things.. We don't have adventures or take photos.. We don't.. We don't really do anything. He usually just comes over and.. A lot of times he wants to initiate sex and.. I'm like.. Not really ready for that... How do you and Ash keep your relationship exciting without it being all about making out and sex?" He asked.

She laughed slightly.

"Well, to be honest, we're both adventerous. I'm all about living in the moment.. I like doing things at random. To me, that's exciting.. And luckily, Ash, is very similar. But.. Brandon might not be like that. I know we all know that Brandon can be loud and obnoxious.. But he's also very reserved.. He's happy just watching a movie on TV and ordering a pizza. Rowan said they used to do that a lot." She laughed.

"Yeah.. That's true. I think I've felt more adventerous lately.. But I don't think I realized it until you took me to the lake. It made me feel so.." He trailed off, trying to find the right word.

"Alive?"

".. Yeah." He breathed.

She smiled.

"Good. I think we make good adventure buddies. But as far as keeping your relationship exciting with Brandon, you two just need to find things you both enjoy doing. Just ask him." She suggested.

"Yeah.. Good idea. Thanks." He smiled softly, then looked forward at the road.

\----

"I'm coming!" Rowan yelled.

Someone was insistantly knocking on the front door and she had just gotten out of the shower. She quickly wrapped a towel around herself and walked down the hall.

Sean had left a few hours ago and her mom was still at work. She still felt creeped out sometimes when she was home alone and when someone knocked on the door, it definitely gave her flashbacks.

"Who is it?" She called.

"KingCobra!" Brandon yelled.

Rowan unlocked the door and yanked it open, looking unimpressed.

"Woah, resting bitch face. Take it easy."

"So not funny, asshole." She rolled her eyes and moved out of the way.

"Trevor's not here, you know.."

"I know."

He went over to the couch and sat down.

Rowan re-locked the door, then turned around and stared at him.

"So.. Why are you here? Come to annoy me?" She smirked.

"Of course. That's what I do when I'm bored. Come on, Rowaaannnn. Let's cook something."

"Can I get dressed first?"

"If we were still dating, I would say no. But I'm currently loyal to Trevor.. So.. Yes, please put some clothing on."

She made a face. "Creeper."

She went to her room and shut the door, quickly getting dressed. She ran the towel through her hair, drying it as much as she could, before heading back out into the livingroom.

Brandon was already in the kitchen though, banging shit around as he looked for the larger frying pan.

"If you break any of my moms stuff, I'll strangle you myself." She huffed.

"You wouldn't dare strangle me. My skin's too nice to bruise." He smirked.

She walked in and rolled her eyes again.

"Where's the big frying pan?"

Rowan pointed to the stove.

"Right in front of you."

Brandon blinked, then went slightly red, embarrassed.

"Right. Yeah, I totally knew that."

"Right. So.. What are you cooking?" She asked, hopping up onto the counter.

"I don't know. Depends what I can find in your fridge. But I really want to fry something." He sighed.

"Hey.. Brandon?"

He looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah..?"

".. I'm sorry I kissed Sean while we were still together. I know I hurt you." She said quietly.

He walked over to where she was sitting on the counter and placed his hands down on either side of her, leaning in so they were close together.

"Rowan.. Don't even worry about it. You're forgiven."

He then smiled softly at her, reaching out to touch her hair, his thumb brushing against her cheek.

".. Brandon.."

"Rowan."

He leaned in closer until their noses were practically touching. Her eyes darted to the floor. It was intoxicating how close he was and her heart was hammering in her chest. His eyes made her a nervous wreck and she didn't know what to do or say, but she felt that whatever was happening was wrong in so many ways.

He placed a hand on her knee and she drew in a quick breath. 

"We can't-.. Brandon, Trevor loves you."

"Not the way you love me, Rowan. No one loves me the way you do." He whispered.


	17. Bad News In A Black Dress, I'm Trying Not To Stare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I haven't gone to bed yet and it's 6 AM and I have to go with my mom to take the dog to the Vet as he's getting neutered today. 💁 But anyway, enjoy this chapter!
> 
> PLAYLIST:
> 
> Brandon & Rowan Scene:  
> 1\. "Walk Alone" - PVRIS  
> 2\. "Never Be The Same" - Camila Cabello
> 
> Trevor & Elisia Scene:  
> 1\. "Someway, Somehow" - DREAMERS

"Brandon, don't.. You love him."

He looked at her but didn't say anything, his hand still on her knee.

"Don't do what I did to you. Don't kiss me.. Think about the hurt and shock you felt when you found out I kissed Sean. Do you want Trevor to feel like that?" She asked quietly.

Brandon moved his hand away and stepped back.

"No. I don't."

They both went silent for a few moments, then he sighed and just hopped up onto the counter, sitting beside her.

"It's difficult with him. It's not like how it was with you and I. We had so much fun.. I always made you laugh.. And smile. We went on dates, we were romantic but casual and everything was just so perfect, Rowan. I miss that."

"We're still friends. We can still go out and do things. It doesn't have to involve us making out, you whore." She laughed.

Brandon smirked.

"Right. Well, it's not really about us. I know we can still go out and do stuff. I meant more the fact that I don't have that with Trevor."

"What do you mean?"

"Him and I are not the best at this relationship, I guess. We haven't been on a date, we haven't really been anywhere at all. And.. Everytime I try to get like.. Romantic with him-.." 

Rowan cut him off.

"Stopppp. Spare me the details, Brandon. He's my brother, remember?"

Brandon laughed.

"Relax. There's no details to spare. He always shuts it down."

"Oh.. Well, maybe he's just nervous about being with you.. You did tell me you were his first everything. And you guys had been drinking.."

"What? You think I'm intimidating to him? Rowan... Am I intimidating?"

She laughed lightly.

"You can be.. But not always. Look, Trevor's been through a lot recently. You know that. He probably hasn't has much time to think about you and him."

"He has time to go to California with Elisia."

"Wow. Jealous." She joked.

"No, I just meant-.. He makes an effort with everyone else.. So why is he so weird around me?"

"Because.."

She leaned in closer as if she was gonna' tell him a secret.

"You make him nervous, you turd." She whispered in his ear.

Brandon laughed.

"You think that's all it is? He's just nervous around me now that we're actually together?"

She shrugged. "Probably."

"Well then.. I guess I'll just have to work on not making him nervous. Do I make you nervous, Rowan?"

She blinked, her breath catching again. God, he never knew when to stop.

".. No." She lied.

He leaned in this time, whispering in her ear.

"Are you sure?"

She stared at him, blinking slowly.

".. No.." She breathed.

He grabbed her face gently with his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

".. Can Trevor and I really even be a thing if.. This is still happening?"

"Nothing is happening.. Brandon.."

"Rowan."

"Fuck you." She whispered.

She didn't mean it.

He knew.

He then kissed her. It felt so fucking wrong and he tried to ignore it, moving his hands to her waist, pulling her close. She was hesitant for a second, then kissed back, instinctively. She wanted to stop herself, tell him it was wrong, that they were more mature than that, but neither of them said a word. 

\----

It was nearing two thirty in the morning when Elisia and Trevor began to notice a difference in scenery. They had been in California for awhile now but the majority of it had just been desert, low mountains made of dirt and some shady cities they could are below the freeway. They had gone through Palm Springs, San Bernardino, Pomona and West Covina. The latter of the cities being more populated and full of shops, restaurants and buildings.

The freeways were now heavy and claustrophobic with traffic and their smooth-sailing trip, suddenly turned into them sitting and waiting for the cars in front of them to move.

Trevor turned the radio off.

"Wow.." He breathed, pointing.

To their right, they could see all the tall buildings and skyscrapers. Some of them were lit up with bright colors and others just stood there looming in the distance, completely dark. They were currently on the 10 Freeway and waiting to come up on Exit 14 A, which would lead them straight into Downtown Los Angeles.

It took them a whole 45 minutes to get just the few extra miles to their hotel, which was called 'Ace'. It was fancy, probably the nicest hotel Trevor had ever seen and Elisia informed him there were much fancier hotels, but they were out of their price-range.

This Hotel was just a bit aways from the center of the Fashion District and up a block from the famous Orpheum Theatre.

When they got checked in and got to their room, Trevor blinked when he saw there was only one bed.

"I'll take the couch." He said.

She blinked.

"What why? The bed's big enough for both of us, silly."

"Oh-.. I just thought.." He blinked.

"It wouldn't make you uncomfortable? Being in bed with another guy?" He asked, stammering slightly.

"Well you're not just 'another guy'. You're one of my closest friends. I trust you." She laughed.

"Okay.." He laughed slightly, scratching the back of his head.

They both went to work at unpacking and then Trevor sat on the bed and took out his phone.

".. So.." He looked at her.

"Sleep or are we going out?" He asked, resting his chin on his hand.

"We're going out." She announced, grinning widely.

"There's an amazing restaurant up in Beverly. It's open 24 hours.. It has this view of the city down below.. And you can eat out on the patio.. There's little fire pits. I'm so excited." She squealed.

"Gosh, I hope I brought clothes nice enough." He laughed.

"Black jeans or pants. And any shirt that buttons down.. It's not black tie or anything, but it's still pretty fancy." She told him.

"Okay.. And what are you wearing?" 

"For your information, I own a dress."

"Oh wow.. I don't believe this information."

"Rude!" She laughed.

"Hey, I'll believe it when I see it." He said, smirking.

"Right, well.." She grabbed her makeup bag and headed for the bathroom.

"I'm going to get ready in there, so you can change.. Wait downstairs in the lobby for me?"

He nodded. "Will do."

Once she was in the bathroom, he dug through his clothes and found the nicest pair or black jeans he owned and a dark gray shirt that buttoned down the front. It wasn't even long sleeved but he figured it would do. It's not like the one Brandon had with the bacon strip pattern all over it. God, that was an awful shirt and Brandon found every excuse to wear it.

Once he was changed, he grabbed his wallet and phone, then went downstairs to the lobby and sat on one of the black leather couches. He didn't feel rich enough to be sitting in such an exquisite environment.

After about five minutes, he saw someone coming down the stairs out of the corner of his eye and he turned to see if it was Elisia. 

It was.

She looked at him, smiling softly. She seemed a bit nervous as she walked down the stairs in a dress. It was black, it was strapless, the top half hugging her body while the bottom half flowed out freely. She held some of it up so she wouldn't trip as she made her way down to him. She'd curled her hair and he couldn't help but notice the way it bounced lightly around her shoulders with every step she took.

He stood and made his way to the bottom of the stairs. He felt so nervous. Was he supposed to take her hand? Was he supposed to compliment her? He was so terrified of making things weird for them.

"Hi.. Do I look okay?" She whispered.

He blinked, surprised at how unsure she sounded. He mentally screamed at himself to say something, but he was so in shock that he could barely find words.

"You're-.. You look.. Beautiful." He breathed.

He then held his hand out for her and lead her down the last few steps. She giggled lightly, then looked at him.

"Really?" 

He nodded. "Yeah, really.."

"Thank you.." She blushed.

The two of them went to the restaurant and had what they would describe for the rest of their lives as "The best food ever".

After that they stayed at their table. They were outside on the patio, just as Elisia had described to him. The restaurant was up on the edge of one of the hills, and she was right. You could see a lot of Los Angeles below. It was gorgeous the way the sky was starting to turn a weird purple as the late night fell into early morning. It was almost 5 AM and they knew the soon would be up soon. They didn't even care. They just both sat there, completely content with just staring up at the stars that were still fluttering high up in the sky.

One of the many fire pits crackled next to them and a few crickets could be heard in the distance, but other than that it was silent. They were the only two dumb enough to be up at such an hour.

Elisia looked at him, then leaned forward, her elbows on the table.

"No wonder she stayed."

"Hm?"

"Hailey. Do you blame her? Look at this place. New Mexico never even comes close to this.." She breathed.

"Yeah but.. What if Hailey lives in Palm Springs or something?" He laughed.

"Okay, fine, true.. But still. Isn't it amazing?"

Trevor nodded.

"It is.. I can't believe we have to go back home after this.."

"Shh. We're not talking about that right now." She laughed.

"Hey, you know.. I gotta' ask. Ash is a very protective guy.. Yet he seemed totally okay with you driving off to California with me of all people." He snorted.

She shrugged and giggled.

"He never talks bad about you. He knows how protective you are of Rowan and that you're a good friend to everyone, including him. Plus, he knows you're gay, so he doesn't have to worry about you making any moves on me." She laughed.

It hit him hard. God, she wasn't into him at all. He was just her new gay best friend. She could be touchy and cuddly with him all she wanted and it wouldn't mean a single damn thing. She didn't think he was capable of having feelings for women. 

He forced a laugh but he suddenly felt the mood change. Suddenly all of this felt so stupid. He was starting to have fucking feelings for her and she had no idea. 

Did that make him blind? Or her? He looked back up to the sky and let out a slow breath. 

She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. 

"Thank you for coming all the way here with me. I know we weren't the closest before, but you really mean a lot to me, Trev'."

If his heart hadn't been hurting before, it was now. 

He looked at her and smiled a bit.

".. You mean a lot to me, too.." He breathed.

Too bad she didn't know exactly how much she meant to him.


	18. Gone As Far As I Can Go, Now Take Me Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a filler chapter because I'm tired and the dog has a cone around his head now and he's really pissed about it so he's been annoying lmao. I just wanna sleep. See u all tomorrow ✌

"You okay?"  Elisia asked, noticing the change in Trevor's mood.

She wasn't quite sure what it was, but as he gazed out over the city, his eyes just suddenly had this weird sadness about them and the air around them felt heavy.

"Yeah."

He looked at her and forced a smile.

"I think the tiredness is finally hitting me." He laughed slightly.

"Me too, I'm suddenly exhausted." She agreed.

They headed out of the restaurant and went back to their Hotel. Once they were inside their room, they took turns changing in the bathroom. He went second and after he put pajamas on, he stared at himself in the mirror, thinking silently about what he was supposed to do. 

He felt crushed and he didn't want to make the rest of the trip awkward. He wasn't about to tell her the truth, that was for sure.

He turned the light off and headed out and over to the bed. She was already laying back against the pillows, on her phone. Her makeup was off now and her hair tied up high on top of her head, and yet she still looked at beautiful as ever.

He got under the blankets beside her and peeked at her phone screen.

"What'cha' doin'?" He smirked.  
"Seeing if there's any events going on later.. It looks like there's this festival going on in Long Beach.. There's music, food.. games. Wanna' go? We can do the Queen Mary as well." 

He nodded.

"Sounds good."

"Great." She grinned, turning her phone off.

Once the lights were off, he laid there, staring up at the ceiling for a bit, before grabbing his phone and clicking it on. He went to his texts and started typing something to Brandon, wanting to tell him about how amazing the views were and about the restaurant, but a part of him felt like Brandon wouldn't care. Brandon definitely did not care about that kind of shit. At least that's what Trevor told himself. So, instead he settled on something simple.

"We're here. Going to sleep. Love you."

He sent the text and blinked at the scren for a few minutes, expecting Brandon to read it right away. Brandon was on his phone a lot and no matter what time it was, he usually replied almost instantly.

Nothing.

He waited a few more minutes, then sighed quietly and turned his phone off before curling up and closing his eyes, sleep consuming him quickly.

\-----

Rowan had only let herself get carried away for a few moments, just long enough for her and Brandon to have a quick but intense kissing session. But that was it. She came to her senses quickly and pushed him away.

"Stop." She breathed.

Brandon sighed and ran his hands through his hair, feeling frustrated.

"I'm sorry-.. It's my fault. I shouldn't've-.. I'll go." He said quickly.

"I think that's a good idea."

He turned and walked out of the kitchen, grabbing his phone from the couch before heading out the front door. 

He walked home, knowing very well he had just cheated on Trevor. He felt awful for it, but he honestly thought it was a mistake jumping into things so fast with him. It didn't even feel like Trevor was in to the whole thing and that just started to make him feel like he was wasting his time.

Brandon just wanted to be loved and lately it seemed like no one was interested in making him feel that way. He kind of felt unwanted. It may have sounded a bit dramatic, but it was how he felt and he couldn't help that. 

When he got back home, he went and climbed into bed before checking the notifications on his phone. He saw there was a text from Trevor and he opened it.   
He instantly felt so overwhelmingly guilty that he almost started to cry. He couldn't even bring himself to text back. Who was he to tell Trevor that he loved him when he had just been making out with his sister?

He pressed his hands to his face, not knowing what to do. He just laid there, unable to sleep. He felt so alone and yet he knew it was mostly his own fault. He was so bad at loving people the right way and he was now paying the ultimate price: lonliness.  
\----

"Wake up!"

Elisia smacked Trevor with one of the many pillows that were on the bed.

"Trevor!" She smacked him again.

He groaned.

"Lees.. Stop."

"We're wasting daylight, Askill. Up. Now." She demanded playfully.

Trevor opened his eyes, rolling onto his back to look at her. God, she was already showered, dressed, hair braided and sporting red lipstick and eyeliner.

"How long have you been awake, Queen?"

"An hour and a half! I was nice and let you sleep in. It's almost 10!"

"So.. You slept like.. 3 hours.." 

"Yes and now I'm wide awake and I've ordered us room service. It'll be here in ten minutes. Go get ready!"

"Okay, okay. You know, I'm not a morning person." He huffed, getting off the bed.

Lucky enough for him, the mood had returned to normal and he was completely prepared to spend the entire day with her. He had felt so bummed out before they went to sleep, but now, he started to realize, maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as it had felt before. He could enjoy being her best friend. Her gay best friend, who totally only liked men. Right. 

If she only knew.

He grabbed some clothes, then headed for the bathroom to shower.

\----  
An hour and a half later, they had made the drive from Los Angeles to Long Beach and it began to get super crowded as they neared the actual beach. The streets were lined with parked cars and there were banners advertising the festival. The Queen Mary was visible a mile or so away and Trevor blinked.

"I didn't realize it was so big."

"Yeah, it's the largest remaining vessel in  the United States, I'm pretty sure." Elisia said.

When they finally managed to find parking, which they ended up paying $20 for, they headed for the entry area and got tickets, then made their way onto the beach. 

There was mostly sand, but also some large grassy patches where business owners had food carts and small souvenier/merchandise booths set up. There was a large main stage set up on the sand and a crowd had already gathered around, despite the fact no one was performing yet.

"I feel really out of place." He laughed.

"Yeah.. Me too.. We definitely aren't beach people."

"We're not even California people." Trevor joked, looking around.

"I'm going to go find out when the music starts.. Will you find us some food? I'm starved." She said.

"Will do."

He headed off toward the grass where all the food carts were and started looking around. There were burgers, hot dogs, nachos and a few other options. He was trying to decide wbat Elisia would like best, when someone suddenly tapped him on the shoulder.

"Trevor?"

He turned around quickly and blinked.

Hailey stood there in front of him. She looked so much more like herself than the last time he had seen her. She'd been wearing pajamas to school, neglecting to wash or brush her hair. She had been so tired and defeated between going to rehab, then dealing with The Zoo and things with her mother.

Now she looked different. Her hair was healthy again, long curls falling past her shoulders. She wore a red, floral sundress that fell to her feet.

"Hailey.." He breathed, completely shocked.

"Hi." She said quietly.

"Hi.. I-.. Wow. How are you?"

"I'm good.. What.. What are you doing here?"

She looked just as shocked to see him as he was to see her. She had her phone in one hand and a glass bottle in the other. It wasn't alcohol, much to Trevor's relief. Just a sparkling water, one of the fancy kinds.

"Elisia and I.. We took a roadtrip out here for the weekend. We have to leave tomorrow morning though to get back in time."

"Elisia.. She's here?" 

"Yeah.. And she'll definitely want to see you." He nodded.

"She won't be mad?"

"What? No.. I don't think so."

"Okay.." She looked around.

"Why haven't you talked to any of us?" He blurted out.

She blinked, opening her mouth to say something, then closing it again, not able to really find the words.

"We miss you.. A lot. Especially Sean. He's been really upset lately.. He thinks you stopped loving him."

"It's not like that.. I just.. Look, I wanted to get away. I didn't want to deal with any of what was going on. I just wanted out. Once I got here, I didn't want to contact anyone because I knew I could get traced. I got rid of my old phone and my laptop. I didn't want to be connected to anything that had to do with my life in New Mexico."

"I get it.."

"You do?"

"Yeah.. But.. It's over, Hailey. It's been over now for months. Are you ever going to come back home?"

"I have a life here now.. I have friends.. I'm starting college next semester. I took my GED and graduated literally 3 months after being here. I'm applying to jobs.. I-.. I like it here.  It feels safe.. And it feels like home."

"What about us? All your friends you left behind?"

"I didn't leave any of you behind. I was protecting myself."

"None of the rest of us ran away, Hailey.. We protected each other."

She frowned.

"I'm sorry.." She said quietly, looking down.

Trevor shrugged and looked out at the water in the distance.

"We just miss you."

"Hailey!" 

They both turned and looked as Elisia came running over. She threw her arms around Hailey, hugging her tightly.

"I'm so happy to see you! I missed you!"

"I missed you, too."

Trevor watched as Hailey basically explained everything she had just explained to him, to Elisia. Elisia then began insisting that Hailey come with them on the drive back and stay in New Mexico for a few days. She insisted Rowan would be more than happy to set up the guest room for her if she didn't want to go back to her mom's house.

Hailey was hesitant. She really didn't want to go back to the place that held so many awful memories. A part of her felt like if she went, it would start all over again. She thought back to nights she was chased, the night she got trapped in an elevator and the night she thought someone had drowned Sean in his own pool.

"Please.. Even if it's just for two days. Just come back with us and catch up with everyone. I'll even pay for you to fly back.." Elisia offered.

Hailey sighed and looked around, feeling nervous about it.

"Alright.. I'll go." She agreed.

"Yay!" Elisia clapped and hugged her again.

Trevor wondered what would happen when they got back with her. If any of the others would be mad at her or if they would all be so happy to see her that they wouldn't even care that she hadn't been contacting any of them.

As much as that was something that was on his mind, he suddenly caught himself staring at Elisia again as she talked to Hailey. He couldn't even hear what they were talking about as he was so deep in his thoughts that every thing else was starting to drown out around him.


	19. I'm Just Trying To Be, Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one is so short I was busier today than usual and didn't have much time!! But I'm hitting emo hours in the next chapter ok and u all are gonna get some sad/intense Trevor & Brandon. So sit tight and hold on to your hats folks

Elisia and Trevor hung out with Hailey at the festival for a few hours, then she headed back to her grandma's house. Before she had left, she gave them both her new number and promised she would be packed and ready to go when they came to get her the next day.

They then went to The Queen Mary and spent a couple of hours exploring the ship and taking photos before they went back up to Los Angeles, got dinner and then went back to the Hotel. There was a lot more things they wanted to do but so little time. It would have been easier if they weren't still in High School.

As the sky grew dark outside, Trevor headed out onto the balcony while Elisia was in the bathroom changing and taking her makeup off. He watched silently as the sun started to fully disappear beyond all the tall buildings. The stars were starting to come out and the moon was glowing golden, just a slight sliver.

He sat down on a chair and took out his phone, going through some of the photos they had taken throughout the day. Him and Elisia looked happy in all of them. He didn't even like being in photos and he would have gladly taken hundreds with her. 

After debating on it for awhile, he decided he would just tell her. He didn't want to hide it and he didn't want to lie. He was terrified that their friendship would potentially be non-existant after, but he didn't want to feel like this anymore either.

"Hey." 

He looked up as she stepped out onto the balcony, undoing the braid in her hair.

"Hi." He said quietly.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course."

She pulled the other chair over and sat in front of him, smiling softly. 

He didn't feel scared to tell her. He was just scared of the aftermath. Her smile was so gentle though and she was so understanding. He honestly didn't think it could end up going too badly.

".. Remember how you said Ash wasn't worried about you being alone with me.. Because I'm gay?"

"Yeah..?" 

".. I mean.." He twisted his hands.

"I've never had feelings for a woman before.. I mean.. Not that I've had feelings for tons of guys either. Mainly it's just been Brandon." He explained.

She just listened to him, not really sure what he was trying to say or explain to her. 

"What if.. I've been wrong though? What if.. There's a possibility that I can.. Develop feelings for.. A woman.. And.. I just didn't realize it.."

"Oh! So you think you might actually be bisexual?" She asked, thinking he was just trying to explain to her that he was confused or something.

"No? Yes?.. I-.. I don't know.. I-.. Look.. There's something I need to tell you.." He breathed.

He looked away from her, staring out at the sky again. He twisted his hands, trying to stop them from shaking.

"I don't want you to be mad.." 

He didn't know why he was suddenly feeling so emotional about all of this, but he hated it. He could feel his eyes burning and he tried so hard not to notice that she was looking at him with concern.

"Trevor.."

She reached out and grabbed his hands gently.

"Whatever it is you need to tell me, I could never be mad at you. Not now. Not ever."

He looked at her, tears filling his eyes.

".. I think.. I have feelings for you."

She blinked a few times and he thought his heart was going to stop because she was taking so long to say anytbing.

"Trevor.. I don't think-.. I don't think you have feelings for me. I think you're confused. Look.. For as long as I've known you, I could see the way you looked at Brandon. You have always only had eyes for him. The way you look at me, it's completely different." She started.

"We've been spending a lot of time together lately and you're happier than I've ever seen you.. And that makes me happy that we're having a good time.. But.. I also know you feel lonely as far as Brandon goes. I know you two haven't been having the easiest relationship and.. I think you just want to have these kind of experiences with him, too.. Not just with a friend like me.. I think you want to be able to go out and do these things with your boyfriend as well."

Trevor blinked, letting the tears go. He suddenly started to feel relieved and he started to realize she was probably right. 

"You deserve happiness, Trevor. And you deserve to be loved.. Okay? I know Brandon can be hard to have a serious conversation with.. But if you sit him down and tell him how you're really feeling, I think he'll listen.. Tell him what you like, what you want to do with him.. Tell him to have patience with you about certain things.. You've been through so much lately.. He needs to understand you aren't at the same pace as he is with everything.. Your dad did a lot of damage." She whispered.

He looked at the ground. It was shocking how true everything she was saying was. It hurt to hear that his dad had damaged him but it was true. He felt damaged and he felt scared to let people get too close.

She placed a hand on his face.

"You deserve to be happy.. Maybe you don't think you do.. But you do.. You deserve all the happiness in the world." She breathed.

He looked at her, feeling extremely vulnerable and emotional and he hated that. He hated that she could see exactly how he was feeling.

She moved to sit beside him and just wrapped her arms around him. 

".. I'm so scared I'll end up like my dad." He whispered.

"You won't. I know you and I know you are nothing like him.. You have too much good in your heart.. I don't think you have to worry about that."

He let out a breath and laid his head on her shoulder, focusing on the way the sky fell completely dark as the sun disappeared. The day finally turning into night. 

\----

It was 1:14 AM on Monday when Elisia parked her car against the curb in front of Sean's house. She had told Rowan, Brandon and Ash to meet there because they had a surprise.

Hailey was in the back, half asleep and Trevor was completely asleep in the front, having knocked out about 4 hours ago. The three of them had spent Sunday morning and afternoon getting breakfast and checking out a museum before getting on the road around 2 PM.

They had a few hours to sleep before School, but Elisia wasn't sure anyone would be sleeping when they realized Hailey was with them.

"Should I wait here?" Hailey asked.

"No.. No, I promise they'll be happy to see you." 

She then elbowed Trevor in the arm, waking him up.

"Ow.. Wha-.. Oh, we're back.."

He sat up straight and stretched his arms over his head.

The great thing about Sean's house is that his parents were always out of town on business, so it was basically like he had his own house. It was a privilege for a 17-year-old, honestly.

Elisia knocked on the door while Trevor and Hailey stood behind her. Hailey pulled her sleeves over her hands, forgetting how cold it was compared to Los Angeles. 

Sean opened the door and at first he thought he was just seeing shit, but then realized she was actually there and real.

".. Hailey.."


	20. You Ruin Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Sorry it took so long. It's that time of the month and I usually have to sleep off the pain the first few days. I get super dizzy and stuff and yeah. Fun times. 👌 Anyway here's a chapter. It's short but it's still a chapter.
> 
> I feel inclined to mention there is mention of blood and accidental injury in this chapter. Just a fair warning. Not trying to have anyone come at me for not saying anything. 💁

Sean didn't really know how Hailey felt toward him yet so he just stood there, staring in disbelief. He had missed everything about her. Her hair, her eyes, her voice. Everything. 

"Elisia and Trevor told me I should come back with them.. And.. I didn't want to at first, because.. I'm still scared to be here.. But I missed you and everyone else so much.." She breathed.

She then moved toward him and threw her arms around him, holding him close.

"You have no idea how happy I am right now, Hailey.. I didn't think I would ever see you again." He whispered.

"I'm sorry.. I-.. I got rid of my phone and my laptop. I didn't want to be traced.. It's been so hard."

"I thought you were just.. Over everything.. Us.. That you hated us and this town and.."

"I could never hate any of you." She said, her voice cracking.

\----  
Trevor was sure no one was going to get any sleep before school. Everyone was so occupied with telling Hailey stories and listening to her tell stories. Elisia and Ash ended heading home first as it was getting super late into the morning. 

Brandon was the next to insist he should go home and get at least an hour of sleep, but Trevor wanted to talk to him first, so he followed him outside.

"Hey.. Why don't you come sleep at my place?" He suggested.

Brandon hadn't said much to him since he got back with Elisia, and Trevor felt nervous that something was wrong. 

"Uh.. Alright." Brandon said slowly.

They walked side by side to Rowan's house, staying silent as neither of then knew what to say. Trevor was sure it had never felt this tense before with Brandon. When they got there and headed inside it was eerily quiet as Rowan's mom was once again away on a business trip.

Trevor walked into his room and sat on the bed, looking at him. He decided to just go for it and tell Brandon that he wanted to do more with him and he wanted the relationship to be exciting and for them to explore.

".. I want to do more with you. Let's start taking trips and going on adventures.. It's fun and there's a lot to see.." He breathed.

Brandon looked at him, blinking. His heart was thudding against his chest and every part of him suddenly felt the guilt hit at full force.

"I kissed Rowan." 

The words were quiet and quick but to Trevor, it was like someone had screamed at him. He felt a wave of heat rush over his body. He literally could not believe him. He didn't want to.

".. What?"

"While you were gone.. I kissed Rowan.. I-.. We were in the kitchen and we were talking about you and I.. And our relationship and how it doesn't feel...  I don't know, but I kissed her.. I'm sorry."

He walked over to him and went to touch his shoulder but Trevor swatted his hand away.

"Don't." He breathed, his voice shaking.

"What..? Trevor.."

"I said don't!" He yelled.

He looked up at Brandon, his eyes filling with tears. He wasn't one to get angry quickly but he felt like everything he had thought they had was completely destroyed. He had never felt so broken in his life.

"I said I'm sorry! It was a mistake."

Trevor stood up. 

"A mistake? A mistake?! You cheated on me! With my sister!"

"It was one kiss!"

"Don't! Don't fucking do that! Don't make it seem like I'm overreacting. You waited until I was gone so you could fucking flirt with her and be alone with her! You knew what you were doing, you asshole!"

"Jesus, Trevor. Calm the fuck down! I knew what I was doing, yes!"

Trevor stared at him.

"That makes you even more of an asshole. Did you even fucking stop and think what that would do to me? You have no idea how much you've hurt me.. I trusted you." He cried.

"I don't know how to love you!" Brandon yelled.

"Fuck you!"

"No! Fuck you! Excuse me for wanting to be someone who actually wants to love me instead of being a goddamn coward all the time!" Brandon exclaimed.

Trevor froze. He swore his heart was physically aching from every word Brandon spewed at him. He was crying so hard he felt winded and he was sure he never wanted to see Brandon ever again in his life after this. He didn't think that the one he had loved the most could have hurt him so bad.

"Get out. We're done." He breathed.

Brandon didn't even say anything. He just walked out of the bedroom, slamming the door. 

Trevor sank back down onto the bed, running his hands through his hair. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears and he could feel himself shaking. He was so angry and so hurt, he wanted to put a fist through something. But, at the same time, he also just wanted to be numb.

He went into the kitchen, looking for any kind of alcohol that he could consume. But there was nothing. Her mom didn't drink. Any alcohol that had been in the house was his dad's and she and Rowan had thrown it all out. He kept looking for another five minutes and eventually found an old half-empty bottle of vodka in the back of one of the bottom cupboards.

He untwisted the cap and quickly downed half of what was in the bottle, sinking to the kitchen floor with his back against the cupboard.

He sat there for awhile until he had emptied the bottle of every last drop. It hadn't really worked that well. He didn't feel relaxed and he sure as hell didn't feel numb.

He decided to go take a shower and go to bed, knowing at least if he slept, he wouldn't have to feel anything for a few hours. He didn't plan on going to school later anymore. Not after what had happened.

When he got into the bathroom, he flicked on the light and blinked when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. The whites of his eyes were so bloodshot and red. But under his eyes there were dark circles of exhaustion. His hair was a mess and he felt like someone had hit him with a bus. He kept replaying the words Brandon said over and over again in his head and it kept making him more and more upset. He didn't know what came over him in that moment, but he just drew a hand back, then forced his fist into the mirror as hard as he could.

He watched the glass shatter into thousands of tiny pieces, hanging in the air before scattering onto the counter, into the sink and onto the floor. He blinked, almost shocked that he did it. He looked down at his hand, watching as blood started to suddenly appear from a few cuts on his knuckles. It was nothing serious, but it was enough to run down his fingers and on to the floor. 

He let out a slow breath. He wasn't really good with blood and he tried to avoid seeing it the best he could, but now there he was, standing surrounded by broken bits of mirror as his knuckles bled. He sank to the floor, finding a spot that wasn't covered in glass, and closed his eyes.

He heard the front door. He prayed it wasn't Brandon coming back to try and "explain himself" again. It wasn't him though, it was Rowan. 

She couldn't even find words when she walked down the end of the hallway and found him like that. She just stared, her eyes wide, placing a hand on the door frame.

He looked at her, eyes filling with tears again.

".. Tell me it was all him. Tell me you didn't kiss him back, Rowan.. Tell me you didn't.."

She nervously touched her necklace, moving the charm around between her fingers.

"Tell me!" He exclaimed.

She flinched slightly.

"I'm sorry.. I-.."

"Don't. Don't say anymore. Just go away."

"Trevor-.. I-.. Your hand." She breathed.

"I'm fine! Leave me alone!"

She blinked but quickly walked away, going into her room and shutting the door. She grabbed her phone and texted Sean.

"I'm sorry. I know you're with Hailey and I know you're tired but Trevor freaked out about Brandon and he's hurt. He's mad at me, too. Can you please just come help him?"

"I'll be there soon." He replied.

Rowan sank onto her bed and let out a breath, not knowing what to do. Having Trevor mad at her was an awful feeling. They never had fights and they usually never went a single day without talking. But now that he knew she had willingly kissed Brandon, she wasn't sure when he would speak to her again.


	21. A Broken Heart Won't Heal Itself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heuheheheuh it's romance time. 👍
> 
> Playlist:
> 
> Sean & Trevor Scene:  
> 1."When The Party's Over" - Billie Eilish 
> 
> Trevor and Brandon Scene:   
> 1\. "Stand By Me" - Mainland
> 
> Love u all thank u for continuing to read this!

Sean didn't know what was going on or why Trevor flipped out on Brandon and Rowan, but he knew it must be serious if he was mad at both of them.

When he got inside, he looked around quietly until he found Trevor. He was still sitting on the bathroom floor, but now a little more out of it from the alcohol. 

"Jesus, Trevor.. What happened?" 

Trevor looked up at him slowly, his eyes red. 

"Brandon fucking cheated on me.. With Rowan.. While I was gone."

Sean blinked.

"So that's why you're mad at both of them.. Shit."

He walked into the bathroom carefully, stepping around the glass. He knelt down in front of him and grabbed his hand gently. 

"Do you have a first aid kit? I don't think you need stitches, but it should be cleaned so you don't get an infection."

"I don't care."

"You will when your skin turns green and you have to get your hand chopped off."

Trevor sighed and gestured at the cupboard under the sink.

Sean found the first aid kit and sat there quietly, wiping the blood away from his knuckles gently. He didn't really know what to say to him. He was worried and he was pretty sure he had been drinking, which made things worse.

"How could he hurt me again?" Trevor whispered.

"I-.. I really don't know, Trev'.. I'm sorry."

Once his hand was bandaged, Sean stood and pulled him up carefully. 

"Go lay down.. I'll clean all this up. I don't want Rowan's mom to come home and flip out over the mess. Don't drink anymore."

"I didn't dr-.."

Sean cut him off.

"Yeah you did. Go lay down."

Trevor sighed and went to his room, leaving Sean to figure out the best way to get all the glass out of the rug. It took a half hour but once everything was clean, he went to Trevor's room and laid down beside him on the bed.

"Look, Brandon can be a dick. Everyone knows that. But.. It's not who he is. You and I both know that Brandon has a big heart and he really does care about you.. And everyone. He makes sure people feel cared about and loved.. He just.. He's broken, too."

"I know.." Trevor breathed.

"No one ever taught him love.. I'm not saying it's an excuse.. But sometimes I think he does a lot of shit without realizing there are gonna' be consequences.. You know?"

Trevor nodded, biting at his lip.

"He loves you.. What he did with Rowan, that's not right. Just like what Rowan and I did when her and Brandon were together. We made a mistake.. And Brandon.. He made a mistake. You just have to ask yourself if you're willing to forgive him.. Is he worth giving a second chance to?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you don't have to know now. You don't have to know tomorrow.. But I think you'd be making a big mistake of you gave up on him. People are going to make mistakes that hurt you.. You just have to figure out who's worth the pain."

Trevor let out a breath and rolled onto his side, facing him.

".. Was seeing Hailey worth the pain she caused you?"

"Every bit of it. And.. Look, she wasn't even doing anything to hurt any of us on purpose. She was protecting herself. I don't blame her.. I have her back now.. I don't know how long.. But I'm glad I didn't give up on her."

\----

Trevor stayed home from school and spent all morning and afternoon sleeping. He had finally showered and dressed before Rowan came home from school. He was in the kitchen, looking for something somewhat nutritious to eat when she walked through the front door.

He heard her walk down the hall and shut the door to her room. He blinked, wondering if she was just going to ignore him after last night, if she was angry at him. He slowly walked down the hall and leaned against her door, wondering if he should knock or just wait until she was in a better mood.

He realized she wasn't angry though when he heard her crying. He blinked and knocked on the door quickly.

"Rowan?"

He opened the door and looked at her. She was just sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. After a moment she looked at him.

".. Are you still mad at me?" She breathed.

He shook his head.

"No.. No, I'm not mad.."

He walked over to the bed and sat down beside her. He pulled her into a hug, holding her close.

"I'm sorry I made you cry.."

"I thought you hated me.. And.. Then you didn't show up at school.. So I thought you were avoiding me.. I feel so bad."

"No.. Rowan.. I was just upset. I was-.. I'm mad at Brandon and.. Yeah, I know you kissed him.. But.. You aren't the problem. He is."

".. I should have stopped him."

"He shouldn't have started it."

Rowan nodded, wiping at her eyes.

"Yeah, he shouldn't have. But he did." She breathed.

He sighed. 

"Hailey is staying.. She texted me earlier. Her and her mom are going to drive out to California and get all her things.. Then their coming back and she's staying with her mom."

"Hey, that's great. Sean must be so happy."

"Yeah, he is.. He was so excited he actually participated in gym today without complaining."

Trevor laughed. 

"Hey.. I hope you and Brandon can work things out.. Even if you two just go back to being friends. I don't want you two to hate each other."

He nodded. "I'll talk to him later, I guess."

\----  
Trevor kept giving himself excuses to avoid going over to Brandon's house and the hours kept passing until it was nearing midnight. Rowan was asleep and her mom had finally come home from her business trip. It didn't take her long to ask about the bathroom mirror. Rowan covered for him and said she shut it too hard on accident while rushing to get ready. Her mom had bought it, too tired to even care.

Now Trevor was pacing around his room, wondering what he would even say to Brandon. Should he act angry? Act hurt? Should he beg for an apology? He grabbed a hoodie and pulled it on, trying to convince himself that if he was dressed, he might as well go.

He quietly climbed out the window, then snuck over the fence and headed down the block. He had a few minutes to go over what he was going to say again but got distracted as it started to rain. It wasn't just a light drizzle or a few drops. It was like the heavens had just opened and decided to drench his ass in fucking rain.

He picked up the pace, wanting to get to Brandon's just for the sake of getting warm and dry. At this point, he wasn't even thinking of the future conversation anymore. 

When he got there, he headed through the gate that led to the backyard. He was heading for Brandon's window when Brandon came out the back door. He stopped in his tracks when he saw him and blinked.

Brandon saw him and stared.

"What are you doing?"

Trevor suddenly forgot how to speak. He just continued to blink and then shoved his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie.

".. I want to talk to you." He said quietly.

Brandon sighed, watching as the rain pelted down on the grass. It was heavy, heavier rain than they had had in awhile. He was currently under the awning that was over the back door so he wasn't getting wet, but he could feel it was cold.

After a few moments, he walked out onto the grass and made his say over to Trevor.

"So talk."

Trevor blinked, looking at him.

"You.. You hurt me. You told me you loved me and you-.. You said you cared about me and wanted to be with me. So, why did you kiss Rowan?"

"I made a mistake.."

"You said you knew what you were doing!"

"That doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake! I know I fucked up, okay? And-.. And I know I let you down. I know I hurt you.. I.. Know." Brandon breathed.

Trevor clenched his teeth together, trying to fight back tears. He balled up his fists inside of the pocket. He wanted to be angry at Brandon, not get all fucking emotional again.

".. Do you love me?" He whispered.

"Yes. I love you more than you even know, which is why I will fight for this. For us. I will fight for a second chance to show you that I can be better. I can treat you better.. Let me try.. Please."

".. My mom hurt me when she left. My dad hurt me with abuse. I'm not going to let you hurt me, too.." Trevor whispered.

Brandon drew in a slow breath, his eyes filling with tears.

"Trevor, please.." He whispered.

He reached out and placed a hand on his arm, then stepped closer. The rain was still coming down hard and they were both pretty much drenched. Trevor could barely see as the water was falling into his eyes but his hands were so cold that he didn't want to take them out of his pocket to wipe at his face.

Brandon's face may have been splattered with drops of rain, but Trevor swore there were tears as well. He wanted to believe what he was saying. He wanted to give him another chance. He wanted to.

It had been a few moments and Trevor still hadn't said anything, so Brandon just bit his lip and turned around, starting to head for the door. Trevor reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Brandon."

"What?" He turned around.

Trevor pulled him close and placed his lips on his, kissing him hard. Brandon was surprised but he didn't pull away. He placed his hands on Trevor's shoulders, kissing back. 

They stood there, no words between them as they kissed. Trevor moved his hands to Brandon's hair, a tangled wet mess. It was freezing and they were both cold as the rain continued to beat down, but they didn't care. All they could focus on was each other.


	22. Never Knew That It Could Mean So Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao this chapter took way too long to write. Me trying to write fluffy romance is like a dog trying to learn cursive. 
> 
> Playlist:
> 
> Trevor & Brandon Scene:  
> 1\. Can't Help Falling In Love - Hailey Reinhart Cover  
> 2\. Love Me Like You Do - Kurt Hugo Schneider & Madilyn Bailey Cover

"Are you warm enough?" Brandon asked quietly, placing an arm around Trevor.

"Yeah.."

Trevor snuggled closer against Brandon's side and closed his eyes. 

They had spent nearly fifteen minutes outside, completely lost in the moment, before Brandon realized how cold it was and pulled him inside. He took Trevor to his room and they continued from there, ignoring the fact they were getting water all over the carpet.

For the first time since they gotten together, Trevor didn't stop him. He didn't get nervous and he didn't feel scared. He finally felt completely safe and completely ready for everything. Brandon was still cautious anyway, asking him if it was okay, if he really wanted to. And Trevor did.

\----  
It was late afternoon when Trevor finally woke up. He knew he probably needed a few more hours of sleep, but everything from earlier that morning came rushing back to him and he sat up.

They had slept together.

They had showered together.

Brandon had let him borrow clothes, then they had curled up close to each other under a pile of blankets, listening to the rain continue to hammer down outside. Everything had felt so perfect. Time had completely slown down for both of them and Trevor knew that nothing would ever come close to the love that he felt for Brandon. No one would ever touch him gently, no one would ever say his name so softly. No one would ever be the same.

He looked over at Brandon, who was still sleeping deeply, pieces of hair falling in front of his eyes. Trevor reached out and pushed them away, then let his fingers trace down his sleeve. He laid back down and moved in close to him, wanting to just enjoy this moment. It was still raining but not as heavily. The sun was still high and golden rays were seeping in through a crack in the gray curtains. 

Brandon opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times. The light was falling across Trevor's face, illuminating his eyes, making them glow the most beautiful green he had ever witnessed. He stared at him, a slow smile creeping across his lips.

".. What?" Trevor whispered.

"Your eyes.." Brandon breathed, touching his cheek.

"They're so amazingly green.. But.. They have these slight flecks of brown.. And maybe even a little blue.."

Trevor blushed and placed his hand on top of Brandon's hand. He just looked at him, thinking back to their conversation hours earlier. It was about love, loyalty, honestly and so much more. Brandon had apologized so many times, had held him as close as he could and told him he loved him.

He teared up and Brandon blinked.

"What's wrong?" He breathed.

"Nothing.. I-.. I'm just.. I'm so incredibly fucking happy right now.." Trevor whispered, shaking his head.

"Me too.. Me too."

Brandon leaned closer and kissed him softly on the forehead, then pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him.

They laid there quietly, just enjoying each other's company, enjoying the warmth from that little bit of sun coming in through that sliver in the curtains. They enjoyed the way the rain hit the metal weather vein on top of the roof and the way Brandon's dog curled up at the foot of the bed with them.

God, everything was perfect. Even if just for that afternoon. It was everything Trevor wanted and everything he thought he would never have.

\----  
Rowan got home from school and flung her backpack onto the couch, sighing tiredly as she closed her umbrella and threw it in the plastic bin beside the door.

The house was quiet. No one else was home. The whole livingroom was a golden yellow from the sun coming in through the rain-splattered windows. There was something about the way the sun looked during a rainstorm. It was peaceful to her. It felt warm but moody. She loved it.

She went down the hall and poked her head into Trevor's room. He still wasn't home and she hadn't seen him or Brandon at school. A part of her wondered if they had another huge fight and Trevor had run off somewhere. But another part of her thought maybe they had made up. She texted both of them but neither of them had answered. 

Rowan sighed and headed into the kitchen, deciding to make some coffee. She grabbed a mug from the cupboard right before the front door closed shut. She dropped the mug on the floor and spun around.

"It's just me!" Sean said quickly, putting his hands up.

"Holy shit." She breathed.

"Sorry. I didn't meant to scare you.. I have a key, remember?"

"Yeah-.. I just-.. I wasn't expecting anyone." She breathed.

She knelt down and started picking up the broken pieces of porcelain, her heart still pounding. For a split second she had thought that someone wearing some kind of animal mask was about to attack her. 

"Here, let me help."

Sean walked over carefully and knelt down in front of her, grabbing some of the larger pieces.

".. How's Hailey?" She asked.

"Good.. She's at her mom's right now. They're gonna' drive out today and get her stuff from her grandma's house.. Then drive back."

"Are you gonna' go with them?"

"Nah.. I wanna' let her have some time with her mom.. I'm sure she has loads of stories to tell her."

He stood and threw the pieces into the trash bin under the sink. He then grabbed the hand broom and dust pan, sweeping up all the smaller pieces.

"Thanks." She breathed.

"Yeah.. My fault." He laughed.

"It's fine.. I was going to make coffee. You want some?"

"We could just go out and get some fancy coffee.. It stopped raining." He told her, throwing a thumb toward the window.

She blinked.

"What if Trevor comes back?"

"We can leave him a note... And he can always text you."

"Okay."

Rowan grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and quickly scribbled out a note and left it on the livingroom table. She then put her jacket back on and grabbed her bag.

They headed out onto the sidewalk and Rowan looked up at the sky. It was that perfect shade of blue. The blue that only seemed to exist after it rained. There were still thick, puffy clouds here and there, but they were so broken up. They were no longer one gigantic, heavy, gray dome.

".. Are you okay?"

"What?" She looked at him.

"I was just thinking.. If Trevor and Brandon made up.. And.. I have Hailey back.. Elisia has Ash.. I was just wondering if.. You were okay.."

She blinked.

"Like.. If I'm sad that I'm single and everyone else is happy?" She laughed.

Sean shrugged.

".. I'll be fine. I'm not like super upset about it. I can be a single and be happy. I was fine before Jake.. Fine before Brandon. I have my friends." She smiled.

"Are you and Brandon still friends?"

"Well.. I hope so. But not if he's going to be a dick to Trevor.. If they worked it out, then I don't see a problem."

He nodded and then looked ahead of them as they walked. The may have been out now but it was still cold enough for them to see their breaths in the air. Sean shoved his hands in his pockets and looked around.

"Why is it so quiet?"

"I don't know.. You would think more people would be around.. It's pretty nice out now." Rowan replied, shrugging.

When they got into town, they headed to the Diner that was on the corner. It was one the best places to get coffee/breakfast and it had that retro 50's vibe. Black and white floor tiles, a jukebox, read leather booths and the waitresses wore poodle skirts.

Sean held the door open for her and she walked in, then stopped and blinked.

There at the booth in the very back were Trevor and Brandon. Once they noticed it had stopped raining, they had decided to go out and get food. They were both sitting on the same side of the booth, Trevor leaning against Brandon, who had an arm around him. 

Trevor was wearing one of Brandon's hoodies, a bit too large for him, the sleeves pulled over his hands. He had a hand on Brandon's arm and he looked up at him, laughing at something he said.

Rowan turned around and looked at Sean. It hadn't hurt.. It really hadn't, until she actually saw them like that. Saw the way they loved each other.

".. Do you want to leave?" Sean whispered.

She shook her head.

"No.. No, it's fine." She breathed.

She walked over to the nearest booth possible and sat down, her back facing the back of the Diner. It wouldn't hurt if she didn't see them.

Sean sat across from her and bit his lip.

"Rowan.. Are you sure it doesn't bother you? Them being together?"

Rowan looked at the table, tracing her fingers over something that was carved into the top of it. 

"I'm sure." She said quietly.

"Rowan."

She looked over her shoulder, blinking slowly. They hadn't noticed her or Sean yet. They were too focused on each other. Brandon looked at him the same way he used to look at her and it was killing her, even if she didn't want to admit it.

A part of her wanted to get up, walk over to them and tell them to stop, tell Brandon that he didn't belong with Trevor. She didn't understand why out of everyone on the entire planet, Trevor just had to be in love with Brandon. It seemed so fucked up.

She finally looked back to Sean, blinking back tears.

".. I'm a horrible person." She whispered.

Sean shook his head.

"Not even close. You think everyone expects you to get over it? You loved him.. Maybe you still do.. And I know for a fact that it's not easy seeing someone you love.. Be with someone else. It killed me every time Hailey was with Hawk."

She looked at the table, not sure what to say. He had Hailey back, so it wasn't really the same situation.

"Rowan.. There are so many guys who would be lucky as hell to date you. You are smart, funny, kind.. And beautiful. Don't spend your time thinking about what could have been with Brandon. Think about what can be with someone else. It's not like you lose him completely.. And trust me.. I would rather have my ex as a friend, than not have my ex at all.." He whispered.

She looked at him, frowning.

".. Nicki?"

"Yeah.. Nicki."

She reached across the table and took his hand in hers.

"You're right.. I'm sorry.." She whispered.

She could learn to be just friends with Brandon. At one point, they were complete enemies and she was sure it could never be that bad again. 

Sean was right. She wasn't losing him comoletely, but it felt like it.


	23. Your Mess In My Chest Has Me Stressed And Depressed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, it's Amy writes spooky hours. 👌

Rowan watched as the steam rose up from hers and Sean's coffee mugs. They still hadn't been noticed by Brandon or Trevor and they had been there for at least ten minutes.

Trevor had started to unintentionally fall asleep against Brandon's arm, when his phone started to vibrate repeatedly. He yawned and grabbed it off the table.

He had a handful of texts from Elisia.

"Trevor, can you come over?"  
"Please. It's urgent."  
"Trevor, as soon as you see these"

Trevor blinked, his heart suddenly picking up speed. No one had sounded that scared since The Zoo and he immediately started thinking the worst. He stood up and looked at Brandon.

"Hey, I'll meet you back at your place later, but right now I have to go. Elisia says it's urgent."

Brandon nodded.

"Yeah, go. Is she okay?"

"I have no idea."

He then hurried toward the door, noticing Rowan and Sean as he passed by them.

"Hey!" He said, waving quickly before practically running out the door.

It took him about fifteen minutes to get to Elisia and Ash's apartment and all he could do the whole time was wonder what was going on. When he got there, he knocked and then looked around, feeling anxious. 

Elisia opened the door, wiping at her eyes with her other hand. 

"Hey.." She breathed.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asked quickly.

".. Ash and I had a huge fight." She whispered.

She let him in, then shut the door and sat on the couch, wiping at her eyes again.

"About what?" He asked, sitting beside her.

"I told him my choices for college.. I'm not looking to go right after graduation, but maybe a year or so after.. And I told him that I was looking at USC."

"California.."

"Yeah."

"That's a good school.."

"I know.. And he said it was too far, that I should stay here. He claims that it'll strain our relationship and that.. It just wouldn't work and I feel like he's holding me back."

"It's not like you'd be gone for four straight years. Obviously you'd come back during Summer.. And Winter break.."

"Yeah, exactly. He said he didn't care And he just made me feel like I'm not allowed to better my future unless I do it here and I don't want to go to college here."

"Neither do I."

She looked at him.

"Where were you looking?"

"I haven't been looking but.. I just know if I go to college, it's not going to be here." He shrugged.

She sniffed and then nodded, curling up against his side before laying her head on his shoulder.

".. I love him but I won't sacrifice my happiness for anyone.. I don't care if that makes me selfish."

Trevor blinked, thinking about how he was doing the same thing. He wasn't sacrificing his happiness just so Rowan could date Brandon again. Maybe it made him selfish, but, his life wasn't about pleasing people.

"You're not selfish." He breathed.

She looked at him and gave a small smile, then laid her head back down and closed her eyes.

"I had a fight with Brandon.. Apparently he kissed Rowan while you and I were gone.. But.. We made up and.. I spent the whole morning with him."

She sat up straight.

"We finally.. Like.."

"Slept together?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah.. Then we slept until like noon.. We both skipped school." He laughed.

"Trevorrrr wow." She slapped his arm.

"I know.. Then we went to that diner and had coffee.. And.." He shook his head, blushing a bit.

"What?" She giggled.

".. He makes me so happy. I can't even describe it."

She snuggled back under his arm, smiling.

"I'm so happy for you. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you.. Don't worry, I'm sure things will be okay with you and Ash.. He'll get over it and accept it. He can't like.. Make you stay here." He laughed.

"Yeah, true." 

She grabbed a random piece off of thread from the sleeve of the hoodie he had on before realizing it wasn't his.

"Is this Brandons?"

"Yeah." 

"Awww cuteeee." She cooed, poking his side.

\----  
Rowan was home by herself when Trevor walked in. He had stayed and watched a movie with Elisia before Ash had come back and wanted to talk to her alone. He had flowers with him, so he assumed he was going to apologize to her.

"Heyyy." Trevor said.

He hopped up onto the kitchen counter and watched as she cut up vegetables.

"Hey."

"What are you making?"

"Dunno'.. Experimenting I guess." She said flatly.

He blinked.

"You okay?"

"Fine."

She dumped the tray of vegetables into the pot of boiling water that was on the stove, then turned and looked at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Are you mad at me?" He blinked.

"No." She shook her head.

"You're acting weird."

She stared at him, not even knowing what to say. She was filled with anger and sadness and it hadn't even been there before when he'd first confessed to her that he was in love with Brandon. She had been so understanding and had felt sympathy for him. But now, after seeing then in the Diner, all she could feel was anger and jealousy.

"I saw you with Brandon today. You guys made up?"

"Yeah.. I stayed with him.. After Sean left, I went to Brandon's and.. We made up.."

"Great." She mumbled, turning back around.

Trevor blinked and watched as she silently stirred some pasta in with the vegetables. Her whole body seemed so tense and her voice just had this tone that seemed so bitter.

"Ro'?.. What's going on?" He asked slowly.

She turned around quickly.

"It hurts, Trevor!"

He flinched and then hopped off of the counter.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Seeing you with him! Seeing the way you two look at each other.. I thought-.. I thought this would work, that I would be fine and I could be happy for both of you but it kind of fucking feels like he tore my heart out of my chest and then you fucking stabbed it."

Trevor stared at her, feeling shocked that she suddenly felt that way.

"I could-.. I could have made up with him! I didn't have to date Sean after I kissed him. I could have begged Brandon to take me back. He was never yours! He was mine! And I loved him, Trevor! I still do! And I let you have him!"

She started to cry, then turned her back to him, feeling frustrated for crying when she was trying to be so angry. She wasn't good at being angry or yelling because she always ended up choking on her words and bawling her eyes out instead. She didn't like to be titled a sensitive person, but she was.

".. Rowan, I never asked you to-.."

She cut him off.

"What was I supposed to do? I was worried you were going to fucking drown yourself in alcohol! I wanted you to be okay!"

"I'm not a child, Rowan! You don't need to worry about what I do!"

She turned and stared at him.

"I sure needed to worry when you tried to overdose." She said flatly.

"This has nothing to do with that. I-.. I don't want to do this. I don't want to fight with you. What do you want me to do? Break up with him?"

"No. Do whatever you want. Just.. Give me some fucking space."

"Rowan."

"Just go." She whispered.

"Fine. I'll be with Brandon."

She muttered something under her breath and shook her head, ignoring him as he left the house and slammed the door.

He didn't go to Brandon's house though, he just walked to the end of the neighbourhood and turned the corner, walking down a few blocks to the park. He sat on a swing and let out a breath, wanting to calm down before talking to anyone else.

He closed his eyes, leaning his head against one of the chains as he tried to think of the best way to deal with the situation. He quickly got lost in his thoughts when he heard what sounded like twigs snapping in the distance.

His eyes flew open and he looked around quickly.

"Hello?" He called out.

He couldn't see anyone in the park, but his eyes suddenly caught something moving behind a tree from where a chain-link fence separated the park from a small woodsy area that went off into the distance.

He slowly stood up, still holding onto the chain.

".. Hello..?"

A person dressed in all black, side-stepped out from behind the tree, baseball bat in one hand. The person had on a mask and it wasn't an animal mask. It was one of the Empty masks.

Trevor's breath caught in his throat as he stared, his blood running cold. His worst nightmare was coming true right before his eyes. It was happening. Again.

After the initial momentary shock had passed, he suddenly found the nerve to turn and run. Trevor was not a runner by any means, but this was a situation where he would have been considered a fantastic runner. He bolted out of the park and ran all the way back to the house, his heart pounding, mostly from fear but also because this was the most exercise he'd had in months.

He practically slammed himself into the front door, not quite getting it open all the way before he was shoving himself inside. He shut and locked it behind him, trying to catch his breath.

"Rowan! Rowan, where are you?!" He yelled.

He listened for a few seconds, his heart beating loudly in his ears.

"Fuck. Rowan!"

He quickly made his way down the hall toward her room. The door was open and she was at her desk with headphones in, editing photos on her laptop.

"Rowan!"

He walked over and yanked them out of her ears, shutting the laptop closed.

"Trevor, what the fuck?"

"They're back." He breathed.


	24. I'm Being Taken Over By The Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks this has just turned into a Scooby Doo mystery lmao. Did y'all think I wasn't about to hit the fright? Let's do this. Have fun trying to figure out who's behind it all!

It took Trevor five minutes to actually calm down and explain what he had seen at the park before him and Rowan were going through the house, making sure all the windows and doors were locked.

"You're absolutely sure it was an Empty mad?" She asked for the seventh time.

"I'm positive!"

"Okay, well.. What do we do?"

"We need to tell everybody. They all need to be prepared.. We don't know how many there are and we don't know if this is.. Serious or if it's some kind of fucked up prank."

Rowan got her phone out and texted everyone in a group text, trying to quickly explain what was going on. She then looked at Trevor as she sat down on the couch, feeling paranoid.

He peeked through the blinds, his eyes darting back and forth at the sidewalk and the street.

"I don't see anyone.. I-.. I'm not sure if I was followed or not."

He then turned around and looked at her.

"Are you okay?"

"No. I'm scared.. I-.. I thought this was over. I thought we were safe and that we didn't have to look over our shoulders everywhere we went.. And now we do. Again."

Trevor bit his lip and let out a breath, then went and sat beside her.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." She said quietly.

"Forget about it.. It's okay."

"I'm not mad at you.. I'm just trying to get over Brandon and I didn't realize how much it was going to hurt to see you two together."

He nodded.

"Yeah, I get it."

She let out a breath and kept checking her phone, hoping everyone would see the texts soon. She hated that they were unaware of what was going on.

\----  
"So.. We'll be back in a couple of days. We'll probably spend a night or two at my grandma's.. There's no way my mom wants to drive straight back here as soon as we get there."

Sean nodded, laughing slightly.

"Your mom can barely handle driving three hours on the freeway without flipping people off and honking the horn."

"I know.." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm so glad to have you back.." He breathed.

They were laying on Sean's bed, just enjoying being close to each other. She had come back from spending time with her mom at her house. They had discussed that they would be heading to California in a few hours and would stay for a bit before driving back.

Sean's phone buzzed on the nightstand while Hailey's went off in the pocket of her hoodie. She ignored it and moved a leg over Sean's waist, pulling herself closer to him.

"That might be important." Sean said, reaching for his phone.

Hailey pulled his hand away.

"Shh. It can wait." She grinned.

He blinked as the corner of his mouth curled into a smile, his hand going to her back as he kissed her. She kissed back and then sat up, pulling him with her.

He ran his hands up her shirt, finding her bra before starting to unhook it while she ran her fingers through his hair.

The sound of glass breaking in the other room suddenly snapped them out of the moment, making Hailey draw in a sharp breath. Sean went still and blinked.

".. What was that?" She whispered, her arms hanging loosely around his neck.

".. I.. Don't know. Wait here."

Sean climbed off the bed and grabbed the baseball bat from beside his desk before quietly opening the bedroom door and peering out into the hall.

".. Hello?" He called out.

"Sean, don't." Hailey breathed.

"It's fine. Just stay here. It's probably just the cat."

He headed out into the hallway and Hailey bit her lip, feeling nervous. She took her phone out of her pocket and when she saw the texts from Rowan, she froze.

"Guys! Trevor saw someone wearing an Empty mask at the park. Everyone needs to lock their doors and windows!"

Hailey re-read the text a few times, feeling like she was dreaming. She had told herself so many times that this would happen if she came back. Everyone had insisted it was over but she was right. She knew it wasn't and she should have listened to herself.

"Sean!" She yelled.

Hailey couldn't wait more than 10 seconds before getting off the bed when she didn't get an answer back from him. She held her phone to her chest, trying to keep her hands from shaking as she made her way to the bedroom door.

".. Sean?" She whispered.

She looked down the hallway, blinking into the darkness, trying to breathe as quietly as possible as she strained to listen for any kind of noise.

Sean turned the corner and saw her. He shrugged.

"A picture fell off the wall." He told her.

When he got back into the bedroom, she just shut and locked the door, tears starting to fall.

"What? It's okay-.. The nail was probably just loose or someth-.."

Hailey cut him off.

"They're back.. Trevor saw one. Rowan texted me and-.. She said we need to lock the doors and the windows.. They're back. I knew I should have stayed in California."

When she started to full on cry, he blinked and grabbed his phone, reading the texts from Rowan.

"Hailey & I are on our way over."

"Come on, we're going to Rowan's. I told her we're on our way."

"What if they're outside?" Hailey breathed.

".. We just have to get to the car. It'll be fine." 

He pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead.

"Do you trust me?"

She nodded.

"Okay. Come on."

He threw one of his hoodies at her so she would be warm, then grabbed his keys and the baseball bat again. He used his free hand to hold on to her arm as they slowly walked down the hallway toward the front door.

He looked through the peephole and watched for any movement before he unlocked the door.

"Ready?"

Hailey nodded.

He opened the door and they both ran down the front steps to his car, getting inside and locking the doors. They looked at each other in relief before Sean started the engine and headed for Rowan's house, keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of anyone in a mask as they drove.

By that time both Brandon and Elisia were at Rowan's house after getting the texts. Ash was at work and probably wouldn't see if for awhile but Elisia figured he was safe with so many people coming into The Brew and hanging out there while he worked.

"I hear a car." Elisia said.

Her and Rowan were curled up on the couch under Rowan's big fuzzy, purple blanket, trying to stay calm until her mom called her back or her dad showed up.

Brandon looked through the blinds.

"It's Sean.. And Hailey."

When they headed up to the door, Brandon quickly let them in before re-locking the door.

"What the fuck is going on? Are they seriously back?" Sean asked.

"I saw one.. Yeah." Trevor nodded.

"Just one?"

He nodded, looking at them.

"Do you think there's more?" Hailey asked.

"I don't know."

Rowan waved Hailey over, letting her get under the blanket with her and Elisia.

"It'll be okay.. We just need to stay here. Together. I texted my dad and he said he would do a perimeter check around our block and the park and then he's coming here to talk to us."

"Where's mom?" Trevor asked.

Rowan blinked. It was the first time Trevor had referred to her as 'Mom' and not 'Your mom'.

"She flew to New York for a meeting.. She'll be gone for like three days."

Sean sat on the arm of the chair that Trevor was on and sighed. 

"Well this fucking blows."

"No kidding. Look.. I know it's probably dumb to start speculating when we don't even really know what's going on but.. Honestly did none of you even think about the fact we don't know what happened to Lance? He never went to jail. And what? We've just been pretending that because Rowan shot him that he was gonna' back off and never bother us again?" Brandon asked.

Elisia looked over at him.

"You think it's Lance?"

"The person Trevor saw? I mean... He said it was an Empty mask." He shrugged.

"I think it was a guy.. But.. I can't be sure." Trevor said.

"Okay well even if the person you saw wasn't Lance, I still think he has something to do with it." Brandon sighed.

"What about Zoe? She's still locked up right?" Sean asked.

"Yeah." Rowan nodded.

"What about Hawk?" He added.

"He's in Florida... Visiting family." Rowan said.

"Yeah, it's all over his instagram. I doubt he's surfing and hiring Empties at the same time." Brandon chimed in.

"That's some weird ass multi-tasking if he is." Sean blinked.

Trevor snorted then let out a breath, running his hands through his hair.

"What about that girl he was hanging out with?" Sean asked.

"Alison? Yeah, no one knows what happened to her." Elisia said quietly.

"I heard she visited Zoe in jail." Rowan breathed.

"Okay.. So.. Most likely it's either Lance or Alison." Brandon said, shrugging.

"It might not be anyone we even know." Trevor told him.

"He's right. This could be some random ass bullshit that someone is doing as a prank. Literally the whole school knows what happened to us. It was in the papers, on TV, it was in a fucking school announcement." Sean said.

"Well.. Then we hope that's all it is. A prank." Rowan said quietly.

Trevor looked at Brandon. He was absolutely terrified but he felt like if he showed it, he would just make Rowan feel more afraid, so he decided to just try to say calm. He wanted to be the big sibling. He wanted to protect her. He had before. He had threatened Zoe and had kept her in place until Rowan's dad could arrest her.

"... Before we saw your texts, Rowan.. Hailey and I were in my room and we heard something fall and.. I went out to the livingroom and there was a picture on the floor. It had been on the wall and I thought maybe the nail was loose.. But now that I'm thinking about it.. Fuck.. Do you think someone was in the house?"

"Maybe.." Rowan looked at him.

"Did you two see anyone?" She added.

Sean shook his head.

"No..Hailey and I were looking the whole time. We didn't see anyone and I didn't hear anything else in the house.. But.. That doesn't mean that they weren't in there."

Hailey let out a slow breath, lacing her fingers with Rowan's. She didn't know what to think and she knew she was supposed to be heading back to her moms in a few hours so they could drive to California. Maybe she would be safer that way. 

"My mom's expecting me to come back later.. We're supposed to drive out."

"I'll drive you back and stay until you two leave." Sean said.

Hailey nodded and then laid her head on Rowan's shoulder. 

Trevor looked at Elisia. She was staring at her hands, super quiet while the rest of them talked. He couldn't help but think that if they were still in California, none of this would be happening. Probably, at least.

Maybe they all had been foolish to think it was over. After all.. Nothing was really ever over for them. Things always had a way of creeping back up on them when they had least expected it.


	25. You Can See My Heart Beating, You Can See It Through My Chest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for over 300 views. 😭❤ Love u all

It wasn't even an hour later that Rowan's dad was standing in the livingroom with them, asking them questions. He mostly talked to Trevor but he also wanted more information from all of them about stuff from the last time this happened. They hadn't really all discussed it with him before. They had answered the basic questions when Zoe was first arrested but they never went into extreme detail about some of the things that had happened.

When Rowan's dad finally turned his attention to her, Trevor walked down the hall and went to his room. It had become almost suffocating in there with everyone bringing up bad memories.

He leaned against the wall in his room, leaning his head back and squeezing his eyes shut. He let out a slow breath, wiping the palms of his hands on his jeans. He tried to focus on the silence and remind himself that they were all safe in Rowan's house with everything locked. Plus, Rowan's dad insisted he would stay with them until they figured out what to do further.

"Trevor."

Trevor jumped, his eyes flying open.

Brandon was standing a few feet in front of him, looking concerned.

"Sorry.. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?" He asked.

"Fuck-.." Trevor placed a hand on his chest, trying to slow his heart down.

"You scared the shit out of me."

He then moved forward and placed his arms around Brandon, laying his head against his chest.

"Sorry.. I wanted to check on you. You seemed kinda' panicky when the others were talking about all that shit."

"Yeah.. I-.. Just needed a minute."

Brandon rested his chin on top of Trevor's head, his hands on his back, holding him close.

"We'll be alright.. All of us. We'll figure it out."

"I-.. Brandon, I can't.." He breathed.

He pulled away to look at him.

"I don't want to do this again.. I can't."

Brandon heard his voice crack and he swore his heart was going to fall out of his chest. 

"I don't either. But.. We don't have a choice. We have to stick together. We have to look out for each other. Do you trust me?"

Trevor nodded silently.

"Okay. Then trust me when I say that I won't let anything happen to you."

He placed his fingers under his chin.

"Look at me, Trev'.. No one is going to hurt you." Brandon breathed.

Trevor looked at him with hazy eyes, a collection of tears threatening to fall. 

"I love you." Brandon whispered.

"I know.. I love you, too." 

Brandon pulled him back into a hug, moving his fingers through his hair softly. He didn't know what was going on or who was after them, but he meant every word. He wasn't going to let a single thing happen to Trevor. Or anyone for that matter. 

He snapped out of his thoughts when Rowan appeared in the doorway, looking at them. Trevor was still hugging Brandon so he didn't notice she was there.

"He okay?" She mouthed silently.

Brandon nodded a bit.

She bit her lip but just nodded back and then went back down the hall. 

"Here.. Come on." Brandon said.

He pulled away from Trevor and took his hand, pulling him over to the bed. He laid down, gently taking him with him. He then placed a hand on his waist, moving closer to him until their foreheads were touching.

"Sleep." He whispered.

"No.. I-.. What if something happens?"

"I'll wake you up."

Trevor blinked but then closed his eyes, trying to relax enough to sleep for awhile. God, he hadn't even been up for that long but everything that had happened in the last few hours had been emotionally exhausting.

\----  
"I'll text you every hour.. And.. You do the same, okay?"

Sean nodded. 

"Of course."

He and Hailey were standing in her mom's house a few hours later, waiting for her mom to get downstairs with her suitcase for their 2-3 trip to California. 

"It's gonna' be fine, Hail.. I promise. You'll be completely safe in California. Besides.. If this is Lance or Zoe or whoever.. They probably aren't really looking to hurt either of us. We.. Didn't really do anything to them. Hell, you barely even met Zoe."

"I did at the audition.. But.. I did spend a lot of time with Lance.. You know.. When he was posing as Stinger and helping me, Rowan and Elisia."

He frowned and put his arms around her waist, pulling her close. She closed her eyes and let out a breath, wishing it could be like that forever. Just him holding her, making her feel safe and warm.

Her thoughts were interrupted as her mom made a racket pulling the suitcase down the stairs one at a time, grumbling as she almost dropped it.

"Need any help, Mrs. Jensen?" Sean asked.

She looked down at them and blinked.

"Oh.. Sean, it's nice to see you. Yes, please."

He let go of Hailey and met her halfway up the stairs, taking the suitcase down for her. She followed him, running her fingers through her hair neatly. Hailey followed them outside with a duffel bag that she had packed.

Sean put their bags in the car and then leaned into the passenger seat while Hailey was putting her seatbelt on. He kissed her cheek.

"Love you."

Hailey blushed, her eyes flicking up to look at him.

"Love you." She smiled.

"Have a safe trip, you two."

Hailey's mom gave him a small smile and nodded.

"We will. Thank you, Sean. Good to see you."

He nodded and waved.

"You too. See you when you get back."

He then stepped back and shut the door for Hailey before heading back to his own car and getting in. He got his phone out and texted Rowan.

"They're driving away now. I'll be back in 10 mins. Everything's good."

\----

Rowan was checking her phone every ten seconds it felt like, worrying that Sean and Hailey were going to run into trouble. When she got his text, she let out a sigh of relief.

Elisia looked over her shoulder. They were back to being curled up on the couch with the blanket.

"Thank God. I felt like it was taking too long." Elisia breathed.

"I feel so paranoid." Rowan said quietly.

They heard a car pull up out front but they both knew of couldn't have been Sean already. It was too quick. It was literally impossible for it to be him.

Rowan's dad looked through the blinds and blinked a few times.

"Know anyone who drives a silver Toyota?'

"That's Ash."

Once he was inside, Elisia got up and hurried over to him, hugging him close.

"What the hell is going on? I literally just saw Rowan's text when I finished my shift like fifteen minutes ago. I drove straight here. Are they seriously back?" He asked.

"Yeah." Rowan nodded.

"Then, let's get out of here." He told Elisia.

"No. We can't.. We can't split up. It's not safe. It's bad enough Hailey left with her mom to get her stuff from her grandma's house in California."

"Yeah but.. They're safe out there, right? The Empty.. Or Empties, whatever, aren't going to go all the way out to California to mess with Hailey."

"We can't be sure of anything." Rowan's dad said flatly.

Ash blinked and then looked back to Elisia.

"Alright, well.. As long as we're safe here."

Rowan got up and headed into the kitchen to make some tea. Her dad followed her and leaned back against the counter.

".. So.. What's going on with Brandon and uh.. Tyler?"

"Trevor."

"Right, Trevor."

"They're together." She said quietly.

Her dad blinked and scratched at his head.

"So.. Your ex-boyfriend.. Is now dating your ex-bully turned step-brother..? Guess I've really missed a lot."

"Yeah, you have."

Trevor walked in and looked at them, feeling awkward. He really hadn't met Rowan's dad too many times and the fact he was a cop made him pretty intimidating, despite the fact He knew he was keeping them safe.

"Hey have you checked The Zoo's message board?" Rowan asked.

Trevor rubbed at his eyes with his palms, then shook his head, yawning.

"No, but that's a good idea. I'll do it now."

He opened up the web page on his phone and after a few moments, he blinked and looked up at Rowan.

"Ro'.. You gotta' see this."


	26. All These Things That I've Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a nice emo chapter for y'all. P.S. I write this on my phone so sorry if there's weird auto-correct mistakes and spelling errors. I check and re-check this and I always find a ton so im sOrRY.

"What is it?"

Rowan moved over beside Trevor and peered over his shoulder at his phone. He had The Zoo's message board pulled up on the screen and there was a post that had been made about 12 hours ago, which was way before Trevor had seen the person in the Empty mask.

It read in bold, capital letters: EWBKRECA

"What does that mean?" She asked, looking at him.

"Ah.. That's just some 4th-Grade level word scramble. It says 'We're Back' when you rearrange the letters. But.. That's not what I found interesting."

He then pointed to the username of who created the post.

"KingCobra."

Rowan blinked.

"But Zoe's in jail.. Right? Has anyone checked lately to make sure the bitch didn't break out or something?"

"I think someone's using the account. Maybe someone doing her dirty work for her."

Rowan's dad crossed his arms, leaning back against the counter as he watched them. He hadn't realized how well they worked together or how close they were. He'd really only even known Trevor as someone who used to bully her.

"Okay, so who are some of Zoe's friends?" He asked.

Rowan looked at him.

"Uh.. This guy Hawk and his ex-girlfriend Alison. But.. Hawk was never really involved with anything shady she did. I guess we can't rule him out though.. However, he's in Florida right now. Lance is the only other one I know of that really spent time with Zoe. She didn't really have a lot of friends as far as I know."

"Lance.. The guy that was posing as Stinger?"

"Yeah." Rowan nodded.

"Okay.. I'll see where he's been and then look into the other two.. I'll be outside in the patrol car.. I've got two other vehicles around the block.. So you're all safe. Just don't leave the house. I've notified the School district as well. Classes are canceled until further notice."

Rowan watched as he filled his travel mug with coffee and then went outside to his car. She then looked at Trevor.

"I know my dad's a cop but.. We know a lot more about this than he does.. Get your laptop and a notebook." She said, then headed for her room.

Trevor bit his lip, then poked his head out to the livingroom to see what the others were doing. Ash and Elisia were asleep on the chair while Brandon and Sean were watching a movie on the couch. Sean was half asleep though and Brandon kept throwing popcorn at him.

He then headed for his room, grabbing the things Rowan had requested before walking into her room. She was sitting on the bed with her own laptop and a bunch of papers with sticky notes on them.

".. What is all that?" He asked.

He got on the bed and sat across from her, turning his laptop on.

"It's stuff that Elisia and I worked on last time all this was happening.. We wrote down a lot of stuff around everyone.. I'm wondering if we look back we might find clues or something."

"Are we looking for new information, too?"

"Yeah. I want to find out where Lance has been since he left the Hospital. Kinda' sucks he ended up being the enemy. He was an extremely good hacker." She sighed.

"Dude's fucking next level genius in the worst of ways." Trevor laughed.

".. I was thinking of calling Brie."

"Yeah, she's good at this stuff, too, right?"

Rowan nodded.

"I just-.. I don't want to keep dragging people into it.. You know?"

"Yeah, I know."

They both fell silent as they tapped away at keys, searching for things online. They went through social media, public records and anything else they could find that might give them a clue as to where Alison and Lance were.

After awhile it became super quiet and Trevor looked over the screen of his laptop to find that Rowan had fallen asleep, one hand still on the keyboard. He grabbed her laptop and put it in her nightstand, then stacked all the papers beside it before placing one of her blankets over her. He knew he should keep searching but he was about to fall asleep himself.

He quietly headed into the kitchen to get coffee. As he was pulling a mug down from a cupboard, Rowan's dad walked into the house and into the kitchen.

"I found Lance."

"You did?" Trevor asked, turning to look at him.

"Yeah. He's in a psyciatric facility and not by choice, so.. I'm pretty sure you can count him out. He's not going anywhere at the moment."

Trevor nodded, letting out a slow breath.

"Uh.. Hey, can I talk to you about something?"

"Alright. What's up?"

Trevor looked at him. God, he was tall and intimidating and he was in uniform with a gun strapped to his side. It was way easier to talk to Rowan's mom. She never made him feel uneasy or nervous.

"I uhm.. I overheard you and Rowan talking earlier and I heard you refer to me as her ex-bully.."

"Is that not true?"

Trevor swallowed nervously and shook his head.

"Uh.. No, it's true. I just-.. I don't want you to think that's the kind of person I still am because it's not."

"Well, what kind of person are you?"

".. I-.. I'm good person. I care about Rowan. I would do anything to protect her. She's my sister now.. And I don't just consider her my sister because her mom married my dad. To me.. She's blood."

Rowan's dad was silent for a bit and then sighed.

"Look, Trevor. I don't know you very well.. But the things I do know, the things Rowan has told me in the past.. I don't like. You bullied her countless times.. Said things to her that I can't even repeat. You've made her cry, you've embarrassed her at school.. To my knowledge you threw balloons filled with fake blood at her.."

Trevor blinked a few times, feeling all this guilt come creeping back up on him.

"You called my daughter a slut.. You blamed her for things her mother was responsible for. Do you have any idea what it's like to be a sixteen/seventeen year old girl and be called a slut? That can really ruin someone. If you even knew how she cried when she came home from school that day, you would not be calling yourself a good person."

He then didn't say anything else, just grabbed what he came into the house for before heading back to his car.

Trevor stood there, feeling absolutely awful. He had never really thought about how much he had probably hurt her. Things were so great between them, why would he think of the shitty things he said to her months and months ago?

He went into the bathoom and closed the door, sinking down onto the edge of the bathtub before putting his head in his hands. He was so tired and stressed and he hadn't been expecting to deal with anything else.

No matter how hard he tried not to cry, he couldn't stop. The tears kept coming and he felt so out of breath. He didn't want to be a terrible person and he honestly didn't think he was, but Rowan's dad had basically make him feel bad about a lot of things he thought were never going to be brought back up.

He knew Rowan wasn't the only one he had hurt either. He had been mean to Elisia, to Hailey.. He had sometimes even been a dick to Sean and Brandon. That was the past though, they were all so close now, a huge family of friends. But a small part of him couldn't help but feel like he was like his dad and eventually he would become a drunk again and hurt everyone he cared about.

After a few more minutes he finally got up, turning on the sink and splashing some cold water on his face before letting out a breath. He then went to his room and laid down on the bed, letting sleep consume him.

\----

At first he thought something was going on when he was startled out of his sleep around six in the morning, but it was just thunder as another storm started up.

He rolled onto his back and let out a breath, listening for anything else. The house seemed silent so he assumed the others were still asleep. He got up quietly and got dressed then headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth, peeking his head into the livingroom on the way.

Sean was asleep on a makeshift pillow bed on the floor and Brandon was taking up the whole couch (and snoring). Elisia and Ash were curled up on the chair. Elisia seemed to be asleep but Ash was scrolling through his phone. Trevor just felt relieved that everything seemed peaceful.

He knew he could go back to sleep if he wanted to, it's not like they had school until all this commotion was over. Hell, he nearly dozed off with his toothbrush in his mouth until another loud moment of thunder pretty much shook the house.

When he got back to his room, he sat on the window seat with a blanket and stared out the glass panes, looking around. It wasn't quite all the way light outside yet but he could hear birds and even see a few in the grass out back, already pecking for worms and other bugs in the wet dirt.

"Trev'?"

He looked across the room. Rowan was standing in the doorway, still in pajamas with a blanket wrapped around herself. She made her way over to the window and sat across from him on the seat, pulling her legs to her chest before re-wrapping the blanket around her closely.

"It's cold.." She said, looking out the window.

"Yeah.. Oh-.. Your dad found Lance. He's locked up in some psyciatric facility, so, I'm pretty much ruling him out."

Rowan looked at him.

"Oh.. So I guess we're just looking for Alison?"

"Yeah.. Pretty much.. And if it's not her, then I don't even know where to start."

Rowan blinked as Trevor continued to watch out the window. Usually he was really enthused to do some sleuthing, even if it meant they were in some sort of danger. He liked solving mysteries the same way she did. They made a good team. But now he was acting different. He felt far away.

"Are you okay?"

Trevor's eyes stayed where they were, trying to avoid looking at her. He felt like if he did, he might remember the look on her face when he had made those awful jokes about what happened to Dunbar. Or the way she had froze when he called her a slut.

"Trevor..?"

"After your dad told me about Lance.. He uh-.. He really described his dislike for me."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"He didn't hold back. He let me know that he thinks I'm a horrible person.. Started listing all the shit I said and did to you.. Let me know how much I hurt you.. That I made you cry so many times.." He breathed.

"Trevor.. All that stuff-.. What you said, it's stupid. We all said stupid things.. Me included."

He finally looked at her, tears in his eyes.

"I-.. Called you a slut in front of half the school, Rowan.. I-.. Knowing what your dad told me-.. That you would come home and cry-.. I hurt you that much. That's fucked up.." He shook his head.

"Hey.. We all have done and said things that have hurt other people. There are things we wish we could take back, Trevor.. But you are not a horrible person. Those things don't define you. Don't listen to my dad, he's just pissed that my mom and I moved on.."

They both looked toward the window again as lightning lit up the half-dark sky.

"I have forgiven you for anything and everything you said or did to hurt me, so you don't need to beat yourself up over it. You're one of the best things in my life. I mean it."

She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently.

Trevor let out a slow breath and looked at their hands, then nodded.

"I won't let anything happen to you. I promise." He breathed.


	27. What Can I Do If The Fire Goes Out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. If y'all can figure out the location from the clue in this chapter, y'all get points on twitter ok. 🙌 
> 
> Warning: small mention of blood in this chapter.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Love u all

A few days went by without any new information on who could be behind the mask and Rowan's dad decided to let them get back to their lives, knowing they were probably bored out of their minds in the house. He told them it was probably just playing a prank and trying to scare them because of their past. 

Rowan was annoyed and felt like he didn't believe them, especially since that message had been posted on The Zoo's board. 

Her and Trevor decided to keep digging though and spent endless hours drinking coffee and sitting around the diningroom table with their laptops. They still didn't know Alison's whereabouts and that was their main goal. 

Rowan stood up and stretched her arms over her head.

"Okay, I need a power nap."

"Alright.. I'll wake you if I find anything."

She nodded and then headed to her room, closing the door and the curtains to her window to shut out the sun that was hanging low in the sky.

Trevor got lost in looking through more public records, feeling like he would find something eventually if he looked hard enough and had complete focus on it. Hours went by before he was sure he had stumbled onto what appeared to be Alison's secret Flash Snap account under the username "blonDe_pYthon".

He was about to click on the snaps to read the captions when someone sent him a text-snap. He blinked, looking at the username. It was from KingCobra.

Trevor stared at the screen for a few minutes before hesitantly opening it.

"Have u checked on your dear sister?"

He jumped up from the chair, dropping his phone as he bolted down the hallway.

"Rowan!"

He knocked on her door a few times before just letting himself in. He stared around the room and found it completely empty. The window was wide open, allowing the wind to blow the curtains around wildly.

"No.." 

He ran to the window and looked outside, trying to see if he could spot anyone or hear anything. As he placed his hands on the window sill, his left palm slipped and he nearly fell. Blinking, he looked down at his hand which was covered in what could have only been blood. It was on the window sill and as he stared around the room he noticed there were spots on the carpet and some on the bed.

He braced himself against the wall, feeling like all the air had been taken from his lungs. His mind was racing in a panic and all he could think of was the absolute worst. 

The front door shut loudly and he blinked, staring at her doorway as he heard footsteps approaching. He was so terrified and still in shock that he couldn't really will himself to move. He just stayed back against the wall near the window, his eyes wide.

"Trev'? Rowan? Is everything okay? I just got the weirdes-..."

Brandon walked into the room, stopping mid-sentence and looked at Trevor, blinking. 

Relief washed over Trevor so fast that he felt dizzy and sank to the floor, babbling quickly to him that someone had Rowan and that she was hurt.

"What? Trevor, what are you talking about?"

Brandon quickly walked over, kneeling beside him. He saw the blood and tried not to freak out, suddenly realizing that what Rowan's dad had said about it being a prank was probably no longer a possibility.

"Someone has her, Brandon.. Someone-.. Has Rowan." He breathed.

Trevor could barely get the words out. He was breathing so hard his heart was hammering in his ears and his head was spinning.

"I-.. Did you get a snap? I got one.. That's why I hurried over here."

"It asked me if I had checked on her.. Then I came in here and she was gone." He breathed, his voice cracking.

"Mine said 'They should stop looking'.. And-.. Yeah, I knew something was wrong."

Brandon's phone went off and he quickly opened a new snap from KingCobra.

"What will happen to poor Rowan if big brother can't find her? One clue. Twelve hours." He read.

"What clue? What's the clue?" Trevor asked breathlessly.

"I-.. I didn't get any clue.. It's just the message."

"My phone."

Trevor got up and hurried to the kitchen, picking his phone up off the floor. As he expected there was another snap from KingCobra. It was a blurry picture of a lighter in a puddle of water. Nothing else, no message, no second snap, just the photo. He quickly took a screenshot, knowing he would need it to figure out where she was.

"I got another one." Brandon said.

Trevor spun around and looked at him.

".. It said not to tell Rowan's mom or dad.. W-.. What's the clue?"

Trevor walked over to him and showed him the photo.

"That's the clue? That's what we have to fucking go on? That could mean anything!" He exclaimed.

"I know! I don't know what to fucking do!"

"I texted the others.. They're coming." 

Trevor sank onto the chair near the table and stared at the floor, in disbelief.

"I-.. Shouldn't have let her out of my sight."

"Hey. No. This isn't your fault. We thought it was over, that it was just some bullshit prank, Trevor. You can't blame yourself. Rowan's dad said we were safe!"

"Yeah well, clearly he doesn't really understand this shit."

\----

A half hour went by and all of them except Ash, were sitting around Rowan's livingroom, trying to figure out the photo. It had taken Sean ten minutes to calm Hailey down after Brandon had explained to everyone what had happened.

Ash had left town the day before with some guy friends to go to Colorado on a ski trip, so the only thing Elisia could do was text him to explain what was going on. She told him to stay there so that he was safe, even though she wanted him there with her.

"Are we sure Lance is locked away?" Sean asked.

"Yeah, her dad went the place and physically checked with his own eyes." Brandon told him.

"I-.. It can't be Alison right..? There's no way she could physically drag Rowan out a window.. They're the same size.. It had to be someone bigger and stronger than Rowan. She could have easily fought off Alison." Elisia breathed.

"It honestly could be someone we don't even know." Sean said quietly.

"We need to figure out the photo." Brandon said.

They had Trevor's phone on the coffee table and they were all staring at the photo, trying hard to figure out what it meant. Trevor kept nervously fidgeting with his hands and wiping at his eyes. He wasn't even crying anymore but tears kept coming silently every time he thought of the fact someone had hurt her.

"Trev'.."

Elisia moved beside him and leaned on his back, placing her arms around his shoulders.

"We're gonna' find her, okay?" She whispered.

He nodded silently, placing a hand on her arm.

"It's a lighter... So, this clearly has something to do with fire, right? Are we all agreeing on that?" Hailey asked.

"Yeah." Brandon nodded.

"Okay, think of things that have to do with fire and The Zoo." She said.

"What about Elisia's old house? The one that Nicki set on fire? It wasn't completely burned down. Someone could hide in there.. What if they took her there?"

"They demolished it two months ago." Elisia frowned.

"Oh.. Well, shit." He breathed.

Brandon bit at his lip, trying to think of other things that could have any corilation with a lighter.

"We need to tell someone." Sean said.

"We can't!" Trevor exclaimed.

"No, it said we can't tell her parents."

"Okay, well who the fuck else is going to help?"

"Brie?" Brandon suggested.

As soon as Brandon said it, a snap alert popped up on Trevor's phone screen. 

"Tell Brie and Rowan pays" 

Brandon blinked and looked around.

".. They're listening." He whispered.

"Yeah, of course.. Probably through the fucking phone or some shit." Sean breathed.

".. Why Rowan?" Hailey asked.

"What's stopping these people from coming after all of us? Why was Rowan the target again when all she ever did was bully Dunbar? What is she suffering for now?" She added.

Elisia blinked, realizing Hailey was right.

".. Maybe-.. Maybe she did something and.. We don't know about it.. Maybe she doesn't even know she did something.."

Brandon looked at her.

"You think she pissed someone off?"

"I don't know.. I mean-.. Rowan's not like that.. And Rowan doesn't even really hang out with people outside of our group.. It's always all of us.".

"What if Zoe's pissed that Rowan shot Lance.. And she hired someone to get revenge?" Sean suggested.

"Well the only one that visited Zoe in jail was Alison.. I mean, as far as I know. Rowan's dad mentioned it.. Oh-.. And some guy apparently visited her, too.. But he signed in under 'Broken Jaw' and if that isn't a fake name, I don't know what is." Elisia said.

".. Yeah-.. I mean.. When he first told us, I figured it was just one of Zoe's weird friends from her old school, but, now that I think of it.. What if it was someone protecting their identity?" Trevor breathed.

"Okay.. So it's either Alison or some douchebag going by the worst alias ever?" Brandon blinked.

"I don't know but we have less than twelve hours to find Rowan and we aren't getting anywhere." Hailey said quietly.

Trevor stood up.

"I need air."

"Wait.. I'll go with you. We need to stick together in groups." Hailey said, standing up.

The two of them headed out the front door and stood on the walkway. They didn't say anything for awhile as they looked around cautiously before moving their gaze up to the cloudy sky. It was nearing nine PM and it looked like another storm was on the way.

Hailey looked at Trevor, crossing her arms against her chest as the wind picked up, rustling the leaves in the giant oak tree next door.

".. You're gonna' find her.. Right?" She whispered.

Trevor looked at her. He knew he couldn't make any promises to her. He was terrified of not being able to find Rowan in time and he didn't know what would happen if he didn't.

".. I'll do everything I can to find her.. We all will."

He then looked at the driveway, his mind flashing back to when they first found out they were going to live together, when they realized they were going to be siblings. He hadn't been thrilled about it but now all he wanted more than anything in the world was to have her back.


	28. Somebody Save Me, I Don't Care How You Do It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: So a few months ago we had a seriously wicked lightning storm like in this chapter and my mom and I were about halfway home when this storm started and we had to walk home with lighting going off all around us and I thought i was going to piss myself lmao. 💁
> 
> Anyway enjoy the chapter. If u got the clue right then congrats, give yourself a pat on the back. If you didn't get it right, it's okay!! Plenty more things to solve!
> 
> As always thank u for reading. So much love to y'all!

Hailey turned and walked over to the front steps, sitting down.

"It felt.. So good to come back and see everyone. To be home and be around all these familiar places.. Familiar sounds and even scents.. Like when you get into town and you can smell the cinnamon rolls from the bakery.." 

She smiled softly to herself as she looked at her hands, thinking about when her and Rowan were younger, when they had been closest. They used to take their bikes into town and get donuts or cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate from the bakery.

Trevor sat down beside her, taking his jacket off and placing it around her.

She snapped out of her thoughts and looked at him, then smiled softly.

"Thanks.."

She then let out a soft breath and looked up at the sky again, wishing the storm clouds would disappear so she could see the stars. That was one of the things she had missed about New Mexico, was being able to see the stars better. LA was always so cloudy and the smog layer didn't help. The stars never seemed to twinkle as bright.

".. What's it been like? Having Rowan as a sister?" She asked quietly.

Trevor blinked, his chest aching just hearing her name. He knew Hailey was worried and maybe talking about her made her feel better, but he couldn't help but feel worse.

".. It-.. It's the best. She's the sibling I never got.. The protective big sister, the one that makes sure I don't fail my classes, the one that cooks for me even though I could make things myself... The one that lets me sleep in her room when I have nightmares... She's just.. The best." He breathed.

Hailey teared up and started scraping at the nail polish on her thumb.

".. I never imagined you two being so close.. I mean, at one point she thought you were KingCobra."

Trevor laughed and shook his head.

"Rowan also thought Brandon and Sean were KingCobra."

"Well you were Pig Man or whatever. Thanks for that, by the way, at my audition. Dick." She laughed.

"It was PigMania and you're welcome." He joked.

"But, no, seriously, I'm sorry for that. I never got to apologize to you."

Hailey shrugged and then leaned against his arm, laying her head on his shoulder.

"We all did some fucked up shit, right? What I did.. To myself, to my mom.. We all made mistakes. But.. Now we're all closer, so.. It's really true, isn't it? Everything happens for a reason."

Trevor put his arm around her, nodding.

"Yeah, that's definitely true."

\----  
They all spent the next few hours continuing to look at the photo on Trevor's phone and none of them felt like there was any progress on what it meant.

Elisia ran her hands through her hair and sighed, then looked up at the ceiling as the rain started coming down loudly on the roof.

"I feel like we're drowning in a never ending maze." She breathed.

Trevor looked at her.

Suddenly all these memories came flashing back to him from when he and Elisia were at the lake. His brain replayed the moment when they dropped the keychains, one of them a lighter, into the lake.

"The lake." He breathed.

"What?" She asked, rubbing at her eyes.

"I know where she is-.. She's at the lake. The lighter.. Remmeber? We dropped it into the water.. Look at the picture! We were thinking about fire when it had to do with the complete opposite! It's not about a flame or a burned down house, it's about the water. We have to go! Now!"

"I'm coming." Brandon said.

Elisia stood up.

"Sean, stay here with Hailey. Don't open any windows or doors and don't let anyone in except us."

Sean nodded. 

"Call us when you find her." He said.

They quickly pulled on jackets and gathered some supplies like flashlights, pocket knives and a baseball bat, not knowing what they were going to be dealing with.

Since Elisia was the only one who knew how to get to that lake, she drove with Trevor in the passenger seat and Brandon in the back. It was a tense, quiet drive compared to when she and Trevor had made their day trip. It had been nothing but singing and conversations and now it was filled with the worst anxiety-ridden silence he could have ever imagined.

By the time they got there it was nearing two in the morning and the rain was coming down harder than when they had left. It had taken them double the time to get there than last time as Elisia didn't want to drive too fast in the rain and get them in an accident.

They turned their flashlights on and set out through the trees to get to the water. It was only a fifteen minute walk but it felt like hours. Trevor felt so uneasy, not knowing what kind of state she would be in when they found her or if they would find her at all. He prayed that he wasn't wrong about the photo.

When the trees gave way to the big, dark mass of water, they all started shining their lights around.

"Rowan!" Brandon yelled.

"Rowan, can you hear us? Say something!" Elisia called out.

Trevor stopped his flashlight toward the end of the dock, near the middle of the lake. He wiped the rain from his eyes, squinting and blinking at something that was partially in the water.

".. Rowan.."

He had said it so quietly that neither Brandon or Elisia had heard him. They just yelled after him when They saw him dart toward the dock, running as quickly as he could without slipping.

Rowan's hands were tied to one of the posts at the end of the dock, leaving only her arms and face out of the water as the rest of her was submerged in the inky darkness of the lake. She had struggled for hours and tried to keep as much of her body out of the water as possible as it was ice cold. The lake wasn't even open currently because of the lightning storms the past few days.

Eventually she had run out of energy and she had become so cold she felt numb, so she just let herself hang loosely in the water, leaning her head against the edge of the deck so she wouldn't go completely under.

"Rowan! Guys, help!" Trevor yelled.

He got to the end of the deck and knelt down, placing the flashlight beside him. He started desperately trying to untie the rope. It was tight and now wet, making it even more impossible to do by hand. 

He looked at her and then brushed her hair from her face.

"Rowan.. Ro'.. Can you hear me? Please open your eyes.. Rowan.. Please." He started crying, feeling absolutely panicked. 

He then saw the blood on her forehead and in her hair, realizing that's probably where she had been injured during the struggle in her room.

Brandon and Elisia made it over to him and started trying to help him untie the rope. 

"Use one of the knives! Just hurry!" Trevor yelled.

It's not that he was yelling because he was angry but because the rain hitting the lake was so loud it was practically all they could hear besides an occasional boom of thunder. Brandon stared up at the sky as it lit up in shades of bright blue as lightning struck in the distance.

"We need to get the fuck out of here before it gets any closer!" He shouted.

Elisia was cutting away at the rope as quickly as she could with her pocket knife. She saw the lightning in the reflection of the lake water and if she hadn't already been panicking, she was now.

Rowan forced her eyes open and glanced up at them. Her head was killing her and she felt completely frozen. She wasn't even shivering anymore, she was so numb.

"Got it!" Elisia cried out as the rope finally frayed apart.

Trevor and Brandon pulled Rowan out of the water and onto the deck. Brandon took his jacket off and wrapped it around her quickly. He knew it wouldn't do much good since she was soaking wet, but it was better than nothing.

Elisia stood up.

"We need to go." She said frantically as the sky lit up again.

Brandon picked Rowan up and followed Elisia and Trevor as quickly as he could. They made their way back up the dock and through the trees, making the walk back to where the car was. Lightning struck a tree in the distance and they could hear the branches crackle and snap from the force of it. It made all three of them stop and look up at the sky before they quickly got into the car.

Trevor got into the back with Brandon, who reached into the trunk and grabbed blankets, quickly wrapping then around Rowan. Elisia started the car and turned the heater on, hoping it would help.

"Find a hospital." Trevor breathed.

Elisia nodded as she got back onto the road, feeling nervous as she wondered if she was going to be alright after being in the cold water for so long.

Rowan weakly looked at Trevor, taking one of her hands out of the blanket. She grabbed his sleeve.

".. It's not Alison." She breathed.

Trevor blinked, feeling a different sense of dread as he realized that meant they had no idea who they were dealing with. He gently brushed her hair away from her forehead, trying to see how bad the cut was.

"You probably need stitches.." He breathed.

Brandon looked at nodded.

"Yeah, that's pretty bad. Do you remember what happened when you were taken? Anything?"

Rowan tried hard to think and remember but it all seemed like the biggest blur.

"I was asleep.. And-.. Then someone grabbed me and I struggled.. And.. Then everything went black and I woke up in the water-.." Her voice cracked.

"It's okay.. You're safe now.." Brandon said softly, rubbing her arm. 

Rowan glanced at him and then let her eyes close, too weak to keep them open anymore.


	29. We Were Made To Never Fall Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I tagged you guys" Lmaoo it wasn't intentional I swear. Enjoy

The next time Rowan opened her eyes, it was bright, really bright. She made small noise of discomfort as she blinked a few times, trying to look at her surroundings. The only thing more annoying than the bright lights, was the steady beeping noise in her ears.

After a few moments everything came into focus. The white sheets, the smell of disinfectant, the IV in her arm. She was in the hospital. She sat up slowly, now aware of the dull ache coming from her forehead. 

Trevor had pulled a chair right up to the bed and had his head laid on the side of the matress, his eyes closed. He was holding her hand and had been ever since the doctors had let her have visitors. Brandon and Elisia had gone to the cafeteria before he drifted off to sleep, completely exhausted from everything that had happened.

Rowan squeezed his hand gently.

"Trev'.. Trevor.. Wake up."

His eyes flew open and he lifted his head off the bed, looking at her.

"Hey-.. Hey, you're awake. Are you okay?" He breathed.

She nodded.

"Yeah, I'm okay.. I just have a headache.. Where are we? Like.. Are we home?"

"No, we're like an hour away from home.. We found the closest hospital from the lake." He explained.

"What did the doctor say?"

"Nothing's broken and you don't have a concussion.. They said you lost conciousness because your body temperature was so low.. Earlier they had so many blankets on you.. And these heating pack things.. It took them two hours to get your temperature back to normal.. But, yeah.. You're alright now."

She nodded, running a hand through her hair, which was mostly dry but still a bit damp from the rain.

".. How'd you find me?"

"KingCobra sent a clue. It had to do with the day Elisia and I went to the lake.."

Rowan stared at him.

"What?"

"You do realize that means someone was there, right? When you two were there? Someone was watching you and Elisia. Who knows how long they've been watching, Trevor."

He blinked. He hadn't even thought about that earlier when he had figured out the clue. All he had been able to focus on was getting her back. 

"You have to go along with the story I gave your parents.. And the doctors."

"What story?"

"Well, I wasn't going to tell the doctors that some guy wearing a fucked up mask kidnapped you and tied you up to the end of a lake dock.. So.. I said that you slipped outside and hit your head.. And that no one was home so.. You were outside for hours like that.."

"Did they buy it?"

"Mom did.. Your dad kept asking questions. The doctors didn't seem to think it would explain how cold you were, but.. I was so upset, I don't think they wanted to keep questioning me."

"What did my dad ask?"

"He asked why no one was home.. And then he asked if it was possible that someone hit you.. Asked if you didn't actually slip, but if you were attacked instead."

She let out a breath.

"I told him I was sure you just fell.. Then explained that the steps in the back get really slippery when it rains.. He seemed to buy it then, I guess."

"Are they coming?" Her eyes widened.

"No. Your dad said he would try to get off of work but I insisted you were awake and fine-.. God, I lied so much.. Oh-.. And mom is out of town.. So, yeah.."

"Where are Lis' and Brandon?"

"I think they went to the cafeteria." He said, rubbing his eyes.

".. Look, I hate lying just as much as you do, but.. They can't know anything. If they do, it puts them and us in more danger. So, we stick to the story, okay?"

Trevor nodded.

"Did you tell Brandon and Elisia?"

"Yeah.. Don't worry, they know.. I texted Sean, too.. Just incase anyone asked him or Hailey about it. Elisia told Ash. We're good.. No one knows the truth about this except for all of us.. And whoever took you in the first place."

"Okay."

She then moved over to one side of the bed and patted the space beside her. Trevor climbed onto the bed and sat beside her, putting an arm around her.

Brandon and Elisia walked in, both holding styrofoam coffee cups.

"You're awake." Brandon grinned happily.

Elisia hurried over, hugging Rowan gently. 

"We were so worried.. How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" She asked quickly.

"I feel alright.. Just a headache. I just really want to go home."

"Have you guys heard from the doctor yet?" Brandon asked, sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Not yet." She said.

Elisia grabbed the nurse-call button and pushed it, wanting to know when they could leave and go home. She didn't like being so far from home knowing that Sean and Hailey had no one else around.

A nurse poked her head in and smiled softly.

"Oh, you're awake. I'll get your doctor."

A few moments later, a middle-aged, blonde woman walked in with a medical folder. She flipped it open and grabbed a pen out of the pocket of her scrubs.

"Any dizziness or nausea?"

"No." Rowan shook her head.

"Blurry or doubled vision?"

"No."

"Okay, good. So, there was no sign of a cuncussion and your body temperature hasn't gone back down. So, I just need you to go ahead and sign the release form and you're good to go."

She handed Rowan the papers and then took the IV out, bandaging her arm after.

"Thank you. Here you go." Rowan said, handing the papers back after she'd signed them.

The doctor smiled and then walked out of the room.

Brandon got up. 

"We'll leave so you can get dressed."

"Your clothes are soaked, so-.."

Elisia reached into her bag and pulled out some jeans and a t-shirt.

"I always keep spare clothes in my car.."

"Thanks, Lis." Rowan smiled softly.

The three of them left the room and waited in the hallway while Rowan got dressed. She walked into the bathroom that was attatched to the room and flipped on the light, staring at herself in the mirror.

She had eight stitches at the top of her forehead and the area around it was bruising up pretty good already. She winced as she stared at it, then brushed her hair back with her fingers and stuck it up in a ponytail.

When they got back to the car, Trevor's phone went off and they all froze.

".. It's KingCobra, isn't it?" Brandon asked.

"Yeah.. It's just a text-snap.." Trevor said as he opened it.

"You got lucky. Watch out. U never know when I'll strike nxt" He read aloud to them.

Elisia looked around the parking lot nervously.

"Come on, let's go home.. This town creeps me out."

\----  
They got home an hour later and both Sean and Hailey were relieved to see Rowan alive and mostly unhurt. They ended up discussing everything for a few hours, then agreed that they would all work together to figure out who KingCobra was after they all got some decent sleep.

"Hailey and I went and got alarms for all the wimdows and doors.. Check this out." Sean said, heading to the front door.

"It's two pieces.. You put one on the door frame and one on the door and when the door is closed, the parts are together.. So when you have the alarm armed, if the door is open and the pieces disconnect.. The alarm goes off."

"Brilliant. And they're on the windows, too?" Brandon asked.

"Yeah, just make sure you switch an alarm off if you need to open a door or window.. Then when you close it back up, turn it back on."

\----  
An hour later, Rowan was showered and in her own bed, still feeling slightly cold even though she'd dug out her winter pajamas for the night. They were black and red checkered flannel and they reminded her of Christmas time with her family. When her parents used to be together and Brie still lived at home. She thought about how they all cooked the Christmas dinner together and how her dad would always slightly overcook the Turkey. 

Memories like that made her feel sad. Her mom was always busy working now and her dad pretty much stopped trying. He was jealous and bitter that she'd healed her relationship with her mom. She still talked to Brie all the time, but she was busy with her own life and wasn't able to come over much.

Sitting up, she shivered a bit as she took the blankets off of herself and got up. She quietly headed out of her room and made her way down the hall. She didn't consider herself a weak or fragile person and she hated to admit when she really needed someone.

As if the Christmas memories weren't enough, she also kept replaying everything that had happened earlier. She had been absolutely terrified that no one would ever find her and that she would end up drowning.

Trevor was asleep when she quietly crept into his room and made her way over to the bed, laying down beside him and closing her eyes. He woke up a few seconds later, feeling movement on the bed. 

"Brandon?"

"It's me." She said quietly.

He rolled over and looked at her.

"You okay?" He asked.

She nodded, propping herself up on an elbow. 

"I was just having a hard time sleeping, you know? After what happened, I didn't really want to be alone.. Even if the alarms are there, I just-.. I still feel uneasy about it."

Trevor was kind of shocked, honestly. Rowan had such a rough exterior and always seemed like nothing really bothered her. She could stand up for herself and handle a lot. He was always the one needing her and now that it was opposite, he was surprised.

"Yeah, I understand." He nodded.

He sat up and leaned back against the pillows.

"I think the worst part is not knowing what's next. Not knowing when any of us might get a snap from KingCobra, not knowing what's planned for us. We really have to figure out who it is so we can end it, once and for all."

Rowan looked defeated when he mentioned ending it and she shook her head.

"As long as there are people in this world who enjoy bullying others, it can never really end. Maybe for us.. But somewhere, in other city or another state.. Someone is being bullied. Maybe not to this extent but.." She trailed off and frowned.

Trevor nodded. "Yeah.. That's pretty fucked, isn't it.."

She frowned. "Yeah, it really is." 

\----

The next afternoon, Rowan finally woke up, feeling more human. Her head still ached slightly but it no longer felt like someone was shoving a hot poker at her forehead. Sitting up, she looked around Trevor's room. She could hear muffled laughter and talking coming from the livingroom, which made her feel more at ease, like things were carrying on as per usual.

She got ready and then headed out into the livingroom. Brandon was sitting on the couch and Trevor was laying across it with his head on Brandon's lap. They were having a very serious but apparently very funny discussion about dogs. She raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes.

"What are you two yapping about?"

"Trevor thinks yorkies are cuter than miniature greyhounds!" Brandon exclaimed, laughing.

Rowan shook her head.

"Nope. No way. Mini greyhounds any day. Yorkie's are annoying." She said, sitting in the chair.

"See! I win!" Brandon poked Trevor's chest.

"You guys are SO wrong." Trevor laughed.

He then sat up and looked at Rowan.

"How's your head?"

"Better. Who fell asleep first?"

"That would be you.. We were talking about burritos and you kinda' just stopped answering my questions about rice."

"No wonder I fell asleep." She joked.

"Where's Elisia? Didn't she sleep here?"

Trevor nodded. "Yeah, she left a note. Her, Hailey and Sean went to breakfast. Then they went and saw a movie.. Guess they're just trying to go on like normal.. You know? As we all should. So.. Now that you're awake, the three of us should go get food."

Rowan looked at the arm of the chair, picking at a loose thread.

"Come on, Rowannnnn. I know you went through some horrible shit yesterday, but we can't give KingCobra what he wants. He wants us to be scared and hide in our houses." Brandon said.

"Okay, fine.. But we are not eating burritos." She said.

\----

A half hour and 3 more discussions about dogs later, the three of them were sitting at a table on the patio of a small breakfast/lunch cafe in town. It was finally warm, warmer than the last few days, a decent 65 degrees. The sun was out and birds were pecking around at the ground near their table.

"This is low-key nice. Kinda' makes me feel rich." Brandon said, leaning back in his chair.

"Right? Much better than that burrito hole you two always go to." Rowan said, taking out her phone.

She took a picture of their food and uploaded it to Instagram. 

"#latebreakfast #friends #nomorerain" she wrote. No caption, no emojis, just hashtags. Simple.

Brandon and Trevor nearly lunged forward as their phones both buzzed at the same time. Rowan couldn't help but laugh.

"It's not KingCobra. It's just me. I tagged you guys."

"Jesus, Rowan." Brandon laughed slightly.

"Breakfast and cardiac arrest." Trevor added.

"Hey, you said we should go back to our normal lives and you know I love to Instagram food." She said.

"Jesus." Brandon sat up straight.

"What? Everyone does it-.."

Brandon cut her off.

"No.. Look who's coming."

Rowan turned her head to look behind her and saw someone she hadn't expected to see. Especially not so randomly.


	30. The Pool Is Cold, The Pool Is Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. I just took forever on this one because it's kind of a filler chapter and its like 100 degrees here so I don't want to do anything besides stand in the cold shower and try not to melt. 💁

Rowan stared with wide eyes as Hawk waved, approaching their table casually.

"Hey, guys." He greeted way-too-cheerfully.

"What are you doing here?" Rowan asked quickly.

He raised an eyebrow, confused. "The coffee's good."

"No. I mean, here, in town.. In New Mexico."

"Uhhh, I live here, remember?" He laughed slightly.

"I thought you were in Florida." 

"Yeah, I just got back."

"When?" Brandon asked.

"Like two hours ago.. Why all the questions? And what happened to your forehead? Are you okay? He asked, stepping forward to look at the stitches.

Rowan wanted to believe him, to trust him. Zoe had said that Hawk had been one of the few that hadn't been involved with everything. He had been innocent.  But that didn't mean he was still innocent.

"Do you where Alison is?"

Hawk blinked. "No, actually.. I haven't talked to her in a long time."

"What do you mean? How long?"

"Like.. Months. She started acting weird and eventually, we just stopped talking."

"Acting weird?"

"Yeah, like.. Acting like she's too good for me. She got new friends and-.. I think maybe she started seeing someone, I don't know. Why do you want to know about Alison?"

Rowan just looked at him, not sure if he was seriously telling the truth or just acting like he knew nothing.

"Wait.. Does this have to do with KingCobra? Is this really happening again?" He asked quietly.

"What do you know about it?" Trevor asked.

"When I was in Florida, I got a snap from KingCobra.. Wanting to know if I knew that Hailey was back in New Mexico.. I thought it was a joke.. I thought someone was just messing with me."

Rowan looked at Brandon and Trevor, giving them a nod to let them know she trusted him. She then looked back to Hawk.

"It's real. KingCobra's back." She told him.

"Am I in danger?"

"We're all in danger.. I-.. Don't know why you would be a target, but.. We all need to be cautious. I need you to tell me, right now.. Are you involved with this at all? I want the truth."

Hawk shook his head. "No. No way. I wasn't involved the first time, why would I be now? I know Alison did some shady shit for MRMT and-.. Yeah, I drove Alison to the diner when you met with her that night, but I had no clue what was going on.. She never said anything about it."

"Why did you keep talking to her after she was involved with it?"

"She didn't hurt anyone.. I mean, not that I know of.. She did stupid shit because she was being blackmailed and threatened just like the rest of the you guys."

Rowan crossed her arms.

"Fine. I believe you."

"Is there anything I can do? Can I help?" He asked.

"Yeah, you can find out if Alison is a part of this. We don't think she's KingCobra, but we think she might be involved. Find her and text me when you do." Rowan said, handing him her phone.

He blinked.

"I don't have your number.. Just your socials."

"Oh.. Right." He stuck his number in her phone and then handed it back to her.

Rowan sat back down with Brandon and Trevor and let out a breath, feeling frustrated.

"I'll see you guys then.. Oh-.. Hey, is Hailey really back?"

"Yeah, but you should leave her alone. She's still with Sean.." Brandon said.

"I-.. I just want to talk to her."

"She's with Sean and Elisia right now. I don't know where they are. I'll let you know you asked about her." Rowan said quietly.

"Okay.. Thanks, Rowan."

Once he had left, Rowan slammed a hand down on the table and stared at Brandon and Trevor.

"Alison has to be involved. Why would she randomly just stop talking to him? Unless she knew she couldn't convince him to help her do her dirty work? He's too-.." She trailed off.

"Nice?" Trevor asked.

"Yeah.. He's like.. An awkward puppy." Brandon chimed in.

"Right, which is why I trust him. However, I don't trust Alison. So, she's our main suspect, even if she isn't KingCobra, I think she's helping whoever it is."

\----

An hour later, Elisia texted Rowan, telling her to grab a bathing suit and come over, that her, Sean and Hailey were hanging out in the pool and to bring Trevor and Brandon.

"Be there in 15." Rowan replied, adding a clock emoji at the end of the text.

When her, Trevor and Brandon showed up at the pool, Sean was already in the water with Hailey, who had her blonde curls up high on her head in a messy bun. Her bright red bikini stood out against the cool-blue tones of the pool walls and her bright yellow nails did as well.

Rowan flicked her eyes over to Elisia, who was in the pool, sitting on the top step, texting who she assumed was Ash, who was still out of town. 

"Hey Rowan." She smiled, her eyes lifting up from her phone.

"Hey."

Rowan walked over, pulling off her shorts and t-shirt before getting into the water beside her.

"When's he come back?" Rowan asked.

"Later tonight.. But if the snow storm rolls in over there, his flight might get delayed.. He night not make it home until tomorrow evening."

Rowan nodded, watching as Brandon and Trevor practically tackled each other into the pool, screaming and laughing. 

Elisia looked at her.

"Are those.. Avocados?" She asked, pointing at her bikini top.

Rowan smirked. "Yeah, they are. Brie insisted I buy it last time we went shopping together." She laughed.

"I like it. It's fun. And we need to be having fun. It's a warm day, we're all alive.. We're in the pool.. I am gong to enjoy every second of this." Elisia sighed, leaning her head back toward the sky, enjoying the warmth of the late afternoon sun.

"Agreed." Rowan said, doing the same. "Oh, we ran into Hawk." She added.

"Where?"

"When we were having lunch.. He showed up and he talked to us for a few minutes. It's all good though.. Turns out he got a message from KingCobra while he was in Florida, asking if he knew that Hailey was back."

"So, is he a target, too? Are you sure he wasn't making it up?"

"I'm sure.. I think I trust him. I told him to find out if Alison is involved at all. I guess he hasn't spoken to her in awhile."

"Weird. She's weird. I bet she's involved." Hailey said, overhearing them.

Sean glanced at Rowan, feeling guilty for staring a bit too long at her bikini top. Hailey didn't notice as she had suddenly gone under water, gracefully swimming to the other side of the pool. Rowan looked back at Sean, locking eyes with him for a moment, before looking at her hands. Whatever feelings she thought she didn't have for Sean, suddenly appeared out of nowhere and made her stomach flutter with a weird wave of nervous excitement. But it wasn't like she could do anything. Hailey was one of her best friends and her and Sean were clearly happy. Besides, Sean didn't have feelings, right? But that's what Rowan had said.

She didn't. She couldn't have feelings for him, not like that. Yet, there she was, staring at the pool water to avoid his gaze, to avoid looking back at him. The problem with Sean was that he had these soft eyes. They were always so big and wide with wonder and she could see why Hailey had always been attracted to him. He had a mysterious aura about him, but in the most innocent of ways.

Sean had stopped looking when Hailey popped up from under the water, drawing in a breath as she smoothed loose pieces of hair back from her forehead. She then made her way back over to Sean, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

"This is so relaxing." She murmured into the crook of his neck.

Sean moved his hands to her back, holding her close, feeling the water lap around their warm bodies. He nodded silently, kissing her cheek and making smile happily.

Rowan watched them, wishing she could have that with someone. It wasn't even about the fact that she couldn't have Sean or Brandon, it was more about the fact that she didn't have anyone at all and even in the midst of all the things that were going on, she was longing for someone to hold her in more than just a friendly way.


End file.
